Witty One Liners

Witty one liners are jokes that are delivered in a single line. Witty one liners are not only hilarious, but can help send the sarcastic remarks and messages in a light way. The witty one liners are not offensive and taken in good spirits. If you too are looking for some witty one liners, the following examples will prove to be real rib ticklers. You can read many silly jokes in hilarious jokes

Witty One Liners about Life

• "Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway".
• "If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
• "Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was H20 Was H2SO4".
• "Life is sexually transmitted."
• "A happy person is one whose arithmetic is at its best when he is counting his blessings."
• "A hard thing about business is minding your own. "
• "A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
• "A long life may not be good enough, but a good life is long enough." ~ Benjamin Franklin
• "All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today and yesterday.
• "Cats are designated friends."
• "About the time we can make the ends meet, somebody moves the ends."
• "It is a good thing to learn caution from the misfortunes of others."
• "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

Witty One Liners about Men

• "You can't belay a man who's falling in love." ~ Edward Abbey
• "An empty man is full of himself."
• "A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item she doesn't want." ~ William Binger
• "The male is a domestic animal who, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things." ~ Jilly Cooper
• "Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman." ~ Maryon Pearson
• "Behind every successful man is an exhausted woman."
• "I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported." ~ Mae West
• "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't."
• "Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap."
• "Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think."
• "90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name."
• "Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type."

Witty One Liners about Women

• "A woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them". ~ Dumas
• "The great question... Which I have not been able to answer...is, "What does a woman want?"." ~ Freud
• "I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason." ~ Stanley Baldwin
• "Whatever women do they must do twice, as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult." ~ Charlotte Whitton
• "A woman is like a tea bag; it's only when she's in hot water that you realize how strong she is." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
• "Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have the time." ~ Tallulah Bankhead
• "Never argue with a woman when she's tired...or when she's rested."
• "A man uses guns, knives, and explosives to get what he wants, but a woman has some very special weapons of her own."
• "With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress."
• "When a man gets up to speak, people listen, the look. When a woman gets up people look; then, if they like what they see, they listen."

Witty One Line Jokes

Question:"What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
Answer: A Northern fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Question:Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer: To prove to the opossum that it could be done.
Question:What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar?
Answer: OK you two - don't start anything.
Question:What do you call a fish with no eye?
Answer: FSH
Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
Question:What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?
Answer: Tyrannosaurus wrecks
Question:Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
Answer: Because it only attacks the brain.

These were a few witty one liners that will definitely make you smile. You will find there are numerous short hilarious jokes on the Internet, that will tickle you funny bone. I hope you enjoyed the witty one liners in this article.