Witty Comments

We come across many situations in life where we curse ourselves for not being able to come up with any witty comments. You do not need to worry anymore as below given is a big list of witty and humorous comments about women and men. The following list will surely help you.

Witty Comments and Quotes

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. - Anonymous.

I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. - Oscar Wilde.

Of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs. - Anonymous.

You can't be late until you show up. - Anonymous.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. - Henry Kissinger

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary. - Anonymous.

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. - Joan Rivers.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Anonymous.

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly. - Oscar Wilde.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left. - Anonymous.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Anonymous.

He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard. - Tom Shale on Robin Williams.

I can resist everything except temptation. - Anonymous.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. - Anonymous.

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. - Anonymous.

There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors. - Jim Morrison

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway. - Anonymous.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. - Anonymous.

As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools. - Anonymous.

Never interrupt your opponent while he's making a mistake. - Anonymous.

You never learn anything by doing it right. - Anonymous.

A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstein, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. - Anonymous.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one. - Anonymous.

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other. - Anonymous.

It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow. - Anonymous.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher. - Anonymous.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism. - Anonymous.

I once prayed to god for a car, but quickly found out he didn't work that way...so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness. - Anonymous.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. - Anonymous.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. - Anonymous.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone; any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. - Kin Hubbard.

He's so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. - Anonymous.

Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. - Anonymous.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. - Anonymous.

We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore. - Anonymous.

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes. - Anonymous.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. - Anonymous.

It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless of course you are an exceptionally good liar. - Jerome K. Jerome.

Witty Comments About Life

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. - Anonymous.

Life is the only thing you can't get out of alive. - Anonymous.

May your life be like toilet paper... Long and useful. - Anonymous.

Someone said to Voltaire, "Life is hard." Voltaire replied, "Compared to what?" - Anonymous.

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here. - Stephen Bishop

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. - Anonymous.

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others. - Anonymous.

Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life! - Anonymous.

Eat right, exercise daily, live clean, die anyway. - Anonymous.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. - Abba Eban

Today is the last day of some of your life. - Anonymous.

Death is a once in a lifetime experience. - Anonymous.

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black. - Paul Newman

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. - Anonymous.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Anonymous.

After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, 'Maybe life isn't for everyone.' - Anonymous.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence. - Ashleigh Brilliant.

Go through these witty comments and you will be able to make humorous comments on anyone, including yourself! Have fun!