With Every Heartbeat
Happy Fathers' Day to all Dads out there!
My son is now four years old Daddy. He looks like his dad, but in personality, he takes after me. That means he takes after you: quiet, reserved and self-sufficient. He is naturally cautious, always taking stock of situations before doing anything. He is very articulate and imaginative, too (even more than me, I think).
Simon is also his father’s son, of course. So he is almost always logical and not always patient. He is also very resourceful and determined. Very proud, too.
I wish you could see Simon now. He brings me close to you everyday Dad, even though you have been gone for two years. He gives me back your heart beat.
How is this so?
Simon prepares to sleep by holding me close and putting his head on my chest. He calls this "bunsuin," a habit developed from our sleeping arrangements when he was still a baby. Each night, as he lay close to me, I would feel Simon’s breath on my neck, his welcome weight, his soft skin and warm touch. I would hear the rhythm of his heart beat, the gentle throb of his life’s blood. Sometimes, he would comment on mine:
"I hear your heart beating Mommy," he would say. "It goes du-dug, du-dug." Then he would smile, and contentedly close his eyes. It is the same when his daddy is the one who puts him to sleep.
Episodes like these remind me of how, as a child, I would lie close to you and put my head on your chest. I never said anything then, but I also listened to the "du-dug, du-dug" of your heart beat. I could hear your gentle rhythmic sounds even now, as clearly as I did in my childhood. Not surprising, considering how often I listened to them when I was still a child. You never turned me away, allowing me to watch TV, read, or even sleep with you as my pillow. I wonder if you felt then the same tenderness that I now feel for my son.
Simon means the world to my husband and me, and we would forever be grateful for God’s generosity in giving him to us. We hope that when Simon is grown, he would remember our "bunsuin," the security of his parents' embrace in the dark quiet of night, the comfort of falling asleep while listening to our heartbeats.
As I remember how it was with you, Daddy. I love you. And I know that you loved me. With every beat of your heart.
Simon is also his father’s son, of course. So he is almost always logical and not always patient. He is also very resourceful and determined. Very proud, too.
I wish you could see Simon now. He brings me close to you everyday Dad, even though you have been gone for two years. He gives me back your heart beat.
How is this so?
Simon prepares to sleep by holding me close and putting his head on my chest. He calls this "bunsuin," a habit developed from our sleeping arrangements when he was still a baby. Each night, as he lay close to me, I would feel Simon’s breath on my neck, his welcome weight, his soft skin and warm touch. I would hear the rhythm of his heart beat, the gentle throb of his life’s blood. Sometimes, he would comment on mine:
"I hear your heart beating Mommy," he would say. "It goes du-dug, du-dug." Then he would smile, and contentedly close his eyes. It is the same when his daddy is the one who puts him to sleep.
Episodes like these remind me of how, as a child, I would lie close to you and put my head on your chest. I never said anything then, but I also listened to the "du-dug, du-dug" of your heart beat. I could hear your gentle rhythmic sounds even now, as clearly as I did in my childhood. Not surprising, considering how often I listened to them when I was still a child. You never turned me away, allowing me to watch TV, read, or even sleep with you as my pillow. I wonder if you felt then the same tenderness that I now feel for my son.
Simon means the world to my husband and me, and we would forever be grateful for God’s generosity in giving him to us. We hope that when Simon is grown, he would remember our "bunsuin," the security of his parents' embrace in the dark quiet of night, the comfort of falling asleep while listening to our heartbeats.
As I remember how it was with you, Daddy. I love you. And I know that you loved me. With every beat of your heart.
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