Why Do Women Want To Be Equal?

Let me state at the outset, that I am not a male chauvinist pig. On the contrary, I have been dominated by strong women all my life. I tell friends that my docility is motivated by a spirit of laissez-faire – but who am I kidding? So I ask this question with all humility and sincerity. Why do women want to be equal?

For starters, I am appalled at this no-gender nonsense that’s going around. Madam Chairperson, spokesperson, cleaning person – give me a break. It leads to all sorts of confusion. Take, for example this new-fangled fad of referring to all movie stars as "actors". Sean Connery is a full-blooded, testosterone-driven alpha male, whereas Sean Young is all woman. How can you possibly equate the two? The contagion has even spread to the same sex. If a married woman insists on calling herself Ms, instead of Mrs., is she justified in getting pissed off if a guy hits on her?

As it is, the myth of male superiority has never held water since the beginning of civilization. What good was Samson’s superhuman strength when confronted by the feminine wiles of Delilah? Even the wise and mighty King Solomon was putty in the hands of Sheba. Caesar may have ruled the world but he, in turn, was ruled by Cleopatra. In recent times, the supposedly dumb-blonde, Anna Nicole Smith, made a patsy of a billionaire who, presumably, made his fortune by being extremely smart. And, as a woman, would you really want to be equal to that slob in your house, who belches like a cow and leaves food crumbs all over the living room sofa?

Why is the modern woman so recklessly ready to give up the courtesies that have been due to her for millennia? Personally, I am an unabashed admirer of the golden age of chivalry which, alas, has vanished into the mists of time. OK! So there are no more dragons around to slay for one’s lady love; and modern life is too rushed to "watch for glances every hour from her divine and sacred eyes". But what’s so bad about a gentleman rising from his seat when a lady approaches; or holding open the car door for her to be seated. I refuse to believe that even a hard nosed career woman does not experience a frisson of pleasure, when her partner gallantly drapes his jacket around her shoulders, should she give the slightest hint of feeling cold. And what’s all this quid pro quo crap? Three generations ago, a man would steadfastly pursue the object of his affections; and feel thrilled if, after a month, she would allow him to hold her hand. His modern counterpart buys his date one dinner; and then feels affronted if she refuses to sleep with him. This is progress?

In short, dear ladies, you’ve had the power right from the beginning – and you have been smart enough to allow the dumb jocks feel comfortable with the illusion that they were in charge. You have a good thing going. Don’t try to spoil it. Don’t bring yourselves down a notch by asking for equality.