Why do Men Have Affairs

"When I think of talking, it is of course with a woman. For talking at its best being an inspiration, it wants a corresponding divine quality of receptiveness, and where will you find this but in a woman?" - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Why do men have affairs? Well. I believe it is because they can or rather because they want to. Remember Bill Clinton who said in his autobiography that he had a relationship with Monica Lewinsky ‘because he could’. I know that sounds pretty dumb but few men need a reason to commit adultery, most just need an opportunity. While our traditional societies and the media have always blamed the "other woman" for the extramarital affair, men are hardly the passive partners in any affair relationship. While some are actively pursuing the possibility, others are considering it, while there are still others who have thought long and hard about it before deciding to go ahead (of course after having balanced the costs and benefits). So, are all the people who have had or are having extramarital affairs, bad? Not really, in fact being good or bad has nothing to do with it. After all from the President to your neighbors everyone seems to have given into the "temptation" of having an affair. That is just too many "bad" people. So why exactly do married men have affairs?

Reasons Why Men Have Affairs

Ok, now when I say affairs I mean full fledged infidelity and not just mild flirting. The idea that someone who hasn’t promised to love you forever and isn’t bound to you by the ties of family and finance, might see in you an attractiveness, that you’re not sure still exists, is admittedly intoxicating for any married man. However, what are the reasons that push him towards crossing the thin line between flirting to having an affair?

The Ego Trip: Men often have affairs so as to boost their ego (They want their cake and their ice cream!). Low self esteem seems to be a major cause for infidelity in men. Attention and acknowledgment from someone makes men feel special and become emotionally attached to them.

Dissatisfaction: Dissatisfaction in the current relationship and other marital problems can tempt men to cheat on their wives. After marriage and especially after having a kid most women tend to slack off from keeping themselves fit and looking good. Most of the conversations of the married women I know tend to veer around the children, the leaking taps and how expensive groceries have become. Thus, an element of physical and emotional dissatisfaction seems to creep into the relationship. Also, a spouse who has not received the love and companionship from his partner might seek it elsewhere.

Excitement and Adventure: As your lives fall into the boring routines of married life, your mind shouts out for excitement and adventure. Men seek the thrills of secret meetings with a new lover, coupled with the danger of getting caught to spice up their lives.

Sex: Vanilla sex (traditional, boring sex) is got to be the most common reason that all cheating men give for their wayward ways. In situations where the sex in the marriage becomes infrequent, routine, boring and unengaging and where the women seems to be "putting up with it" to keep their men happy, and making sure their husbands know that, chances of men seeking an affair are greatly increased.

Revenge: It is surprising but one of the most common reasons for men having affairs is because their wives had an affair. Playing the tit for tat game makes men feel a sense of justification for their spouse’s betrayal.

The Escape Route: As men feel trapped in their roles as a homemaker, breadwinner, affairs serve as an escape route from all the household pressures.

There are no set definitions or reasons why men have affairs. Remember, that it is through mis-communication, break of trust, always arguing over the same things, that men find someone who they think is more compatible with them compared to their partner. Looking for the signs of an affair will help you work out a solution for resolving the relationship issues with the spouse and help you save from the disasters of a divorce.