Why Did You Leave Me? Chapter 14

I ran into Ryan’s arms crying my eyes out. I could see my reflection perfectly from the marble counter of my kitchen, and my gray eyes were filled with emotion, my cheeks were flushed a light pink and I looked happy more than anything.

He was really here, I wasn’t dreaming! I cried and cried, while he murmured into my hair saying stuff like "sorry" and "I love you". He ran his fingers through my damp black hair, kissing the tip of my nose, my forehead and finally my lips.

When his lips and my lips made contact, it was like my first kiss all over again. Fireworks started, the world stopped spinning, and my heart stopped beating for a brief moment. It was all I could ask for in life. If only I could have Ryan like this forever…

When I finally broke away from our intense kiss, I looked up at his navy blue eyes. I saw tears starting to form there and the tears in my eyes started pouring all over again. Ugh, what was wrong with me? I was such a baby…like Benny said; this really wasn’t healthy for me but what else could I do? Just leave him? That mere thought made me sick to the stomach.

I touched his face, re memorizing it, like I did in my dream. He was here and he still loved me-that fact alone made every one of my painful nights wash away. Every little touch from him was like getting electrocuted. I loved him more than my body was capable of.
I still had no idea what caused him to leave but I didn’t care, at least not at the moment. He was here with me. That’s all that mattered.

After our little reunion, I turned around, happily, to face Benny.

Everything was right now. I felt like my world was finally spinning in the right direction. Everything was okay, well more than okay…It was great. My life was back to normal. I got back the two people I couldn’t live without and I wasn’t letting them go. Ever.

As I twirled around, I was expecting to see a happy Benny-maybe a smile or a grin, but not this.

Benny’s hands were gripped tightly around the counter, as If he needed the support, and I could see his knuckles turning white. His veins in his forearms popped out in all his effort. His eyes were closed and his breathing was gruff, almost a pant. His stance was defensive just like Ryan’s was a few minutes ago. His head was lolled back and I couldn’t completely see his expression.

I was surprised and anxious. What was wrong with him? I thought this was what he wanted. For me to be happy, and now I was. I was ecstatic. Why wasn’t he?

"B-Benny…?" I whispered now, too scared to use my normal voice. It sounded choked and wrong. I have never seen him so angry…

When I spoke his name he finally opened his eyes, but I wish he hadn’t.

His beautiful green eyes went through different emotions-agony, pain, betrayal, disbelief, fury, and maybe even jealousy…All in a matter of few seconds.

"W-what’s wrong…?" I asked, horrified. As soon as I had spoken, Ryan sighed a big puff of air and gulped in it again. I turned around to ask for an explanation but his face gave away nothing but sorrow.

"Are you trying to be funny, April?" I heard Benny’s strained voice and I whirled around.

"What are you talking about?" I was totally bewildered… "Wasn’t this what you wanted? I’m happy now, Benny! Please understand that!"

"STOP THAT! Dammit April, stop! I KNOW THAT ALL TOO WELL!" He spitted out between his clenched teeth. Every angry word he threw at me, hurt like a whip. I flinched and jumped back, but Ryan caught me with his strong arms.

When Benny could breathe normally again, I finally looked up to face him.

"I’m …I’m confused." I muttered out, feeling stupid.

Then Benny relaxed his muscles one by one, letting go of the black marble counter top and turned towards Ryan and me.

His expression was set into a hard mask of anger and pain. His eyes were intent and burning with a great emotion. Then when I caught his
stare, his eyes melted and turned soft. There was nothing but agony in them. His pain lit a fiery burning pain in my heart. Why was he so mad? I just didn’t get it.

Suddenly, when I was trying to figure everything out, he strode out of the dark room quickly and ducked out, grabbing his car keys on the way.

Of course, I ran after him. I promised myself I wouldn’t let any of these two walk out on me while I stood helpless. I wasn’t going to lose Benny OR Ryan. Not again.

As I slipped away from Ryan’s arms, I twirled around in a rush.

"You wait here, I’m getting Benny back. Don’t leave me again. Please,"
I whispered urgently and gently touched his cheek with my right hand.

Ryan took my hand with both of his, kissed it, and murmured "I won’t ever leave you, not even for a second, if it’s not necessary. I’m too selfish for your own good, April."

With that promise, I ripped away from Ryan and ran as fast my sluggish feet could carry me, to stop Benny.

"WAIT, BENNY! PLEASE!" When I ran out, he was standing besides his car, his face turned away from me. It was like he didn’t want to see me anymore, as if I was a monster to him. The thought of it made me shiver and go into panic mode.

His pure-silver Mercedes convertible caught the last bit of sunshine, making it hard to see. The strong wind blew fiercely which made my dark hair cover my face momentarily. The sun was setting quickly and I could only see half of it, lingering on the horizon, throwing sparks of dark red around the sky.

The tears in my eyes made it difficult to see clearly, but I tried very hard to keep eye contact with Benny.

"D-don’t go. Don’t do t-this to me again, please. I’m begging you." I managed to stumble out the words without my voice breaking embarrassingly.

When those words were out, Benny turned slowly to face me. His eyes, his face, his stance reflected all the pain and agony he was going through. My heart wrenched and twisted uncomfortably. I wanted to just go over there and hug him, make him feel better, take the pain away from him. But I couldn’t, because I was the one causing all this pain and trouble for him. That thought made me hate myself for a brief moment, but what was I doing wrong?! I knew I would do anything to make it go away…

"How could you just let Ryan back in your life like that? So easily…" He whispered hoarsely, dropping my gaze and looking down at the gray driveway.

"I love him, Benny." For once, my voice was strong and confident because I knew it was true. Every touch and kiss from Ryan assured it.

Benny shook his head gently, as if trying to shake the thoughts away from him.

"Don’t you care about yourself, April? He can leave you any time he wants. He can leave you bleeding like he did before. How can you trust him so much with your life, your heart?" He asked, finally looking back at me.

I couldn’t answer that. It was too hard to explain since I didn’t quite know the answer either.

When nothing came out of my mouth in the next minute or so, Benny turned back around.

"Don’t you get it? It’s just a love game for him. And he knows he will win every time. I know you love him. You love him too much. He's like a drug to you...It's not healthy. You gave him the power to hurt you so badly. I don't want to see that anymore. I'm done." His voice was ice cold now. The sweet Benny I knew since I was in diapers was gone. Dead. The person standing in front of me was not him. This new Benny was cold and cruel...it scared me.

I shook my head in disagreement, not able to talk or argue with him. He was wrong. He had it all wrong. It couldn’t be. Ryan loved me. No, no, no.

"Stop lying to yourself, April. I can’t take it!" Benny sneered back at me, pulling me back to reality.

When I could finally speak again, I whispered out "You’re wrong. Ryan isn’t like that…" but my voice betrayed my uncertainty.

Benny snorted and fluently slid into the luxurious leather seat.

I reached out to him, trying to grab his arms, trying to stop him, but he shook my hand away.

"Give it a rest, April." He sounded so cold, so heartless.

Suddenly, my head started to pound and it flooded back memories of pain, agony, loss.

"Then what IS good for me? All I want is him...Stay, Benny. Stay with me...I don't know what to do!" I spitted it out between the violent shakes of my body.

"I’m not staying to watch you hurt yourself again. I had enough of this. When he leaves again, I won’t be here to pick up the pieces this time, April. So sorry, but this was your choice." He whispered back hoarsely, and when I looked up I saw a little bit of my old Benny that I knew and loved.

"Stay," That's all I could say to him. I couldn't promise him anything, that I would leave Ryan. I didn't have anything to give him. I was empty and broken, I knew Benny deserved better than this...Maybe, this would be a good thing...for him at least.

"What about me? I can be healthy for you. Can't you even consider someone else and not just Ryan?" He replied back, desperately.

I thought about that for a moment. He could have been healthy for me. COULD HAVE. But it was too late now. Ryan was the only person for me. Benny was right. I was addicted, wasn't I?

I answered his question, a beat late, with a quiet "sorry".

As soon as I said that word, I regretted it. Benny swiftly slipped into the luxurious leather seat of his car and started the engine with a roar.

"Don't look for me when he leaves." He said without any emotion. He reminded too much of a robot. Cold. Metal. Unthinking.

"He won't leave me..." I cried out but Benny was already gone, driving away into the night, taking away my happiness with him.