Who Will We Hate In 2009?

Bush-bashing has become a national pastime in America. According to the polls, about two-thirds of the American people despise him; and those who don’t actually believe he is evil incarnate, consider him to be a moron. My opinion is that the folks with their knives out owe Bush a deep debt of gratitude. He has become their rallying point; the convenient scapegoat for almost everything that ails the United States. The war in Iraq; the exorbitant price of gasoline; even the infuriating salespersons at Wal-Mart – blame it all on Bush. This got me thinking. What will Americans do when the emperor’s reign is over – it’s only 18 months away – and they don’t have George Bush to kick around anymore? Who will the liberals hate in 2009? Here are some plausible scenarios.

Hillary Clinton! This one is so easy to hate: miss smarty-pants, know-it-all, who thinks she’s so superior to the common herd. Then there’s that phony public affection towards a husband she considers a jerk; that fake smile – and what’s with that hair? If she becomes President, she is going to be utterly insufferable. Yes, this one is a cinch. Rumor has it that the writers for Jay Leno and David Letterman already have a treasure trove of gags lined up. Sample joke:

Q. What’s the difference between George Bush and Hillary Clinton?
A. One’s spouse is a desperate housewife; and the others’ makes housewives desperate.

And what about Barrack Obama, the ‘brown bomber’? He is smart-alecky too; and his sermons bore one to tears. But this one is tricky, precisely because he is brown. How you bitch about him, without sounding racist or politically incorrect? Leno and Lettermen would end up tying themselves into knots. Even those who hate his guts may feel compelled to handle him with kid gloves. Remember we’re talking about liberals here. The conservatives would just as soon lynch him.

Then there’s John Edwards. How much mileage can one get from making fun of his hairstyle? And many folks are struggling to figure out which of his two Americas they belong to. Besides, he holds one trump card; his wife Elizabeth. She’s as goody two-shoes as Laura Bush – and would normally be a fair target. But, the lady has cancer; and so, saying nasty things about her husband would seem un-American somehow. I think we can rule him out.

Rudi Giuliani is another problem. On the one hand, his multiple marriages make him a tempting target, but the guy has become a sort of folk-hero after 9/11. Besides, his down-home style of speech delivery always conveys the impression that he’s making a lot of sense, even when he isn’t. How can one hate a man like that?

John McCain is practically hopeless, although he did hold out promise for a while. Deep down, he’s a Bush clone, without the latter’s sense of impeccable timing when it comes to saying the wrong thing at the right times – or vice versa. Let’s face it. The man has no charisma – and he puts you to sleep.

I’m not even going to talk about the other hundred-odd also-rans, because they have as much chance of making it to the White House as George Bush has of being awarded the Iraqi Medal of Freedom.

The sad reality is that none of the above has the star-appeal of George Bush. The man is a natural. And so, my American friends, make the most of the time you have left. A Bush-less USA may be better or worse; but it sure as hell is going to be less interesting.