Who To Choose? Chapter Nine

It wasn't until two weeks later that Evan had made it down to see me. I didn't know why I'd asked Evan to come and not Zac; I think I knew that Zac would say no and I couldn't face rejection. I met Evan from the train station and ran into his arms. I'd missed him so much and I'd felt lost without him. His visit was going to be good for me.
"Evan! I'm so happy you came! How long are you staying for?!" I asked smiling from ear to ear.
"I'm glad I came too, Grace. Erm, a few weeks if that's okay?"
"Sure! My mum set up the spare room for you," I couldn't stop grinning. He was going to make my summer great and really take my mind off Zac.
"Thanks, G. Let's go get a drink," he replied. I wasn't 18 yet, but he was meaning that we could go for a drink in a busy bar. No one would care. We left the station and walked into Lloyds on the edge of the river in Nottingham City Center. It was a lovely day and the bar had a nice chilled out vibe and I sat down as Evan went to get our drinks. When he returned he had a serious look on his face. I knew he was going to mention Zac.

"Ev, please, I really don't want to talk about Zac. I just need to forget about him."
"But there's something I need to tell you, G. He will not leave his house, he won't even come out of his room. He won't see anyone. I really think you need to go see him, or at the very least talk to him. He needs you right now, and you've just upped and left him!" I knew Evan was right, but talking to Zac would kill me and it probably wouldn't make him feel any better either.
"I can't talk to him. I'll break down. I'm sorry he's in such a state and I know it's my fault but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm leaving the country in a little over a month. I can't raise his hopes just to crush them yet again. I just can't, Ev."
"Fair enough, don't say I didn't try." We sat in silence for a while and when we finished our drinks we decided it was best to go home. We got on the bus and things were still strained between us, with only small talk. It would sort itself out, it always did with us. Zac, however was another matter; there was nothing I could do for him. Nothing.

When we arrived back at my house I showed Evan to his room. He murmured something about wanting to shower and I gave him some towels and told him I'd be downstairs. Time without Evan gave me a chance to think about Zac and whether or not I should call him. In the end I decided it was the least I could do; it was me that had caused this mess between us, maybe I could fix it too. I found his number in my phone and pressed send. When I heard the click meaning he'd answered the phone I spoke straight away.
"Zac, don't talk just listen. I'm sorry for what I've done to you, but there's no way to repair it. I just don't know what you want from me, okay? Now stop moping and get out of bed and get out into the world. You're so much better than this. Please, for me?" I knew I was emotionally blackmailing him, but it was the only thing I could think to do.

"Grace..." he sounded so down and his voice was hoarse. The tears started to silently stream down my face; I'd made him like this. I'd hurt my best friend so much that he was a complete mess.
"Gracie, please, come back." he began to cry and this time I couldn't say anything. "Gracie, please. I just need you. I'll be okay if you come back. I love you. I need you." he started to sob and my heart broke. I had killed him inside; how could someone be so selfish? I'd only ever looked out for myself, I'd never cared about him. I couldn't have if I could just treat him this way.

"Zac, I can't come back. It's not good for you if I come back, because I'll only be leaving again soon. I'm so so sorry that I've done this to you. Please forgive me? But you have to understand I'm doing this for you, okay? I have to go now, I'm sorry. I love you!" I cried down the phone. I cut off the line before he could reply. I had a feeling that I'd only made him worse; I hadn't helped him at all. What was I doing?! I shouldn't have rang him. He would've done just fine without me. God, I'm so stupid. I heard Evan coming down the stairs and I quickly wiped my eyes and plastered a smile across my face.

"Hey, G. I'm starved! Got anything to eat in this place?" he asked, looking at me suspiciously. He knew I'd been crying but he didn't say anything.
"Sure, come on, we'll go see what's in the kitchen." I tried to steady my voice as best I could, but it wasn't very convincing. As we entered the kitchen Evan's phone began to ring; he looked at the screen and saw who was calling.
"G, I'll be right back, I have to take this." he said leaving the room and closing the door behind him. I pressed my ear against the door, curious as to who was on the phone.

"Dude, you need to calm down, I can't understand you..." he paused listening to the person on the phone. I pressed my ear closer to the door.
"She's a mess too... Yeah I get that, dude. But you can't expect her to drop everything... Well, why don't you come here and surprise her? Maybe you could sort everything out down here..." he paused again waiting for a reply. I realized that it was Zac on the phone. My heart was beating so fast, I wanted him here, but my mind was telling me it was a bad idea.

"Fair enough, dude. But that's you're loss. You're never gonna get her unless you fight for her..." Evan lowered his voice, he probably knew I was listening. Evan was wrong though; Zac had fought for me, twice, and I still wasn't with him. I didn't want him to fight for me; I didn't want anything from him. I wanted to be with him, but I knew that in reality it would never work out. Evan said his goodbyes and started towards the door; I quickly ran to the fridge and pulled it open, acting like I'd been there the whole time.
"So what do you fancy to eat?" I asked.