Who Needs Technology

Sometimes the old methods work best. I got a vivid practical demonstration of this today morning, when one channel of my stereo amplifier went dead. Those who know of my maniacal passion for music would appreciate that this was a very big deal indeed. If I am deprived of music, even for a few hours, my brain fogs over and I exist in a semi-catatonic state, like some zombie.

I should mention that I am one of those cerebral type, who is an absolute klutz when it comes to doing things with his hands (no wicked innuendos, please). And this was too important to mess around with anyway. A frantic call to my repairman yielded the appalling information that there was on his way to Goa; and the earliest he could have a look at it was a week from now. A week? Was he kidding me? I’d waste away to skin and bone by then.

I seriously considered junking the amplifier (which isn’t that old) and buying a new one OK so it would cost about a thousand dollars, but this was a matter of life and death. Well, it was for me anyway. It was only the thought of terrible retribution from the wife ("You blew up a thousand bucks? Without asking me???) that stopped me.

So I analyzed the problem. Heck, I was a double graduate; I could do this. I removed the speaker wires and reversed them. No result. Then I did the same with the amplifier terminals. I could hear something! I put on a CD to try it out and was rewarded with a horrible crackling sound. This wasn’t working. I did something I haven’t done in a long time. I blew it. I crashed both fists down on the top of the amplifier – hard. And I got sound – clear, undistorted sound from both channels. There was a God.

I remembered something my granddad told me more than once. Mechanical gadgets, he said, can be tricky things. The trick is to let them know who is boss. If something doesn’t work, give it a good whack. Way to go gramps.