Whitney - (THREE)
November 23rd, 2009 - 10:44 PM
Today was a long day, in fact it was the worst day I've had in a really long time. Okay I am lying, everyday seems to push me deeper down. But today was bad...you see last night I got drunk for the first time, possibly ruining everything for Lynn and I. There, there....you mustn't let me get ahead of myself. I still havn't told you about Christine...
Christine was a Senior, and I a Junior. This was only last year, yet to me a seems like a million years ago. She is a tall six foot, long dark brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, and pretty skinned girl.
In Photo 1 class there were three different tables for the groups we were separated in for the whole year. I was in group 3, and Christine sat across from me a little to the right. Amy, Austin and I were randomly talking about gays and lesbians. I'm not sure what brought up this conversation..but I admitted that a couple years back I thought I liked girls. I never said anything more than that, and Amy said how most girls go through that "thought". I laughed it off and agreed, that it was simply a childish fantasy.
After school that day I received a text from Christine. It said, So were you serious about liking girls...? Shocked, and completely innocent as to what she was exactly asking, I agreed that I had indeed once thought about kissing a girl, but never anything further. That conversation rapidly turned into Christine admitting she liked me, and had since first term Photo 1.
Now something I didn't mention earlier, was that my parents are very strict...no gays, lesbians, piercings, tattoos, weird hair, dark nail polish...kinda parents. Very strict...and judgmental. The fact that I might actually be thinking about the thought that some girl likes me, is absolutely outrageous. I cried, I slightly freaked out. Okay..no I really freaked out.
Something you must know about me now, before I go on any further with my story..is that I forget most details of my life. Almost all. I choose too, because unlike normal people..I don't like to visit memories..good or bad, happy or sad. No thanks, I'll live in the present..and worry forever about the future. With that being said..this part of my story is hazy. We "talked" and were off and on for so long...
I loved Christine in a way I can't describe. We were so close, and she was the second most amazing friend I ever had. We never dated..never considered ourselves in a relationship, but yet we were committed in a sense.
I know I seem to be talking about her in way as if she has deceased, well she has...at least in my life. We don't talk anymore. Her love took over, and was the most beautifully obsessive love ever. I had to delete, or "run" away from yet another problem. Right before my move to a town I am forced to call home, the very night before, Christine came to my house to say goodbye. That was the last time I have seen her, I can remember what she was wearing, the smell of her body, the taste of her lips. Yes...Jessica Christine was beautiful, and I was going to miss her more than I'd ever understand. I remember the first time we kissed, it was so cute. It was adorable in fact. We had watched "GIA" (which was ironic) at her house and she was driving me home. Talking about us kissing was a butterfly sorta moment. We approached my house and hopped out of the car. She was leaning against the back door, and I was just standing there...our conversation was over stupid non-sense..but I was waiting. She looked at me and I remember her saying, You don't have to kiss me you know.... Well the truth was, I had too.
Jessica Christine was the second girl I kissed. I told her to closer her eyes, and I counted to five under my breath. I leaned in, standing on my tiptoes...and our lips made contact. It was magical, I'm not going to pretend I didn't feel anything, because I did. But every other kiss from her after that, just wasn't the same.
Jessica and I don't talk, we're not friends, and I have deleted her out of my life all but one photo I have and the note she gave me the night before I left her. And that's what I had done, I had left her. I had run away. Maybe if I wasn't such a runner, I would have been content with her..but no. I wasn't..I never would be. No matter how many time we "talked". Jessica wasn't the one for me, wasn't the girl for me.
One night about two or so months ago, my status on myspace was a depressing sight, and Lynn commented it. I can't remember what she said, but it was most likely some sweet words of encouragement. She is there for me from then on...3 hours away she lives, and she still steals my breath away.
Christine was a Senior, and I a Junior. This was only last year, yet to me a seems like a million years ago. She is a tall six foot, long dark brown hair, beautiful brown eyes, and pretty skinned girl.
In Photo 1 class there were three different tables for the groups we were separated in for the whole year. I was in group 3, and Christine sat across from me a little to the right. Amy, Austin and I were randomly talking about gays and lesbians. I'm not sure what brought up this conversation..but I admitted that a couple years back I thought I liked girls. I never said anything more than that, and Amy said how most girls go through that "thought". I laughed it off and agreed, that it was simply a childish fantasy.
After school that day I received a text from Christine. It said, So were you serious about liking girls...? Shocked, and completely innocent as to what she was exactly asking, I agreed that I had indeed once thought about kissing a girl, but never anything further. That conversation rapidly turned into Christine admitting she liked me, and had since first term Photo 1.
Now something I didn't mention earlier, was that my parents are very strict...no gays, lesbians, piercings, tattoos, weird hair, dark nail polish...kinda parents. Very strict...and judgmental. The fact that I might actually be thinking about the thought that some girl likes me, is absolutely outrageous. I cried, I slightly freaked out. Okay..no I really freaked out.
Something you must know about me now, before I go on any further with my story..is that I forget most details of my life. Almost all. I choose too, because unlike normal people..I don't like to visit memories..good or bad, happy or sad. No thanks, I'll live in the present..and worry forever about the future. With that being said..this part of my story is hazy. We "talked" and were off and on for so long...
I loved Christine in a way I can't describe. We were so close, and she was the second most amazing friend I ever had. We never dated..never considered ourselves in a relationship, but yet we were committed in a sense.
I know I seem to be talking about her in way as if she has deceased, well she has...at least in my life. We don't talk anymore. Her love took over, and was the most beautifully obsessive love ever. I had to delete, or "run" away from yet another problem. Right before my move to a town I am forced to call home, the very night before, Christine came to my house to say goodbye. That was the last time I have seen her, I can remember what she was wearing, the smell of her body, the taste of her lips. Yes...Jessica Christine was beautiful, and I was going to miss her more than I'd ever understand. I remember the first time we kissed, it was so cute. It was adorable in fact. We had watched "GIA" (which was ironic) at her house and she was driving me home. Talking about us kissing was a butterfly sorta moment. We approached my house and hopped out of the car. She was leaning against the back door, and I was just standing there...our conversation was over stupid non-sense..but I was waiting. She looked at me and I remember her saying, You don't have to kiss me you know.... Well the truth was, I had too.
Jessica Christine was the second girl I kissed. I told her to closer her eyes, and I counted to five under my breath. I leaned in, standing on my tiptoes...and our lips made contact. It was magical, I'm not going to pretend I didn't feel anything, because I did. But every other kiss from her after that, just wasn't the same.
Jessica and I don't talk, we're not friends, and I have deleted her out of my life all but one photo I have and the note she gave me the night before I left her. And that's what I had done, I had left her. I had run away. Maybe if I wasn't such a runner, I would have been content with her..but no. I wasn't..I never would be. No matter how many time we "talked". Jessica wasn't the one for me, wasn't the girl for me.
One night about two or so months ago, my status on myspace was a depressing sight, and Lynn commented it. I can't remember what she said, but it was most likely some sweet words of encouragement. She is there for me from then on...3 hours away she lives, and she still steals my breath away.
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