Whitney - (FOUR)

I'm not sure how you guys feel about this story..but please let me know :]
This one is SO much easier to write than Sexual Desire.
(Please four comments )

Whitney - (FOUR)

I am cold, freezing..and it's been awhile since I've written anything. And I am sorry. Not only are my hands freezing, but my mind..my heart.

I never told you about Lynn, how she came into my life. I'm still hesitant to tell you about a girl I almost loved. I'm not sure anything we had was true, or even that anything was real.

We texted, talked for hours on the phone, over a period of maybe two months. I want you to know...it wasn't supposed to happen this way. I was supposed to be with her forever..but...

It happened, I let it happen. Lynn lived almost four hours away, and the whole time we "talked", we never saw each other. Nothing really ever happened I suppose. In the beginning everything was pure bliss! We laughed, and smiled..and everything just felt so perfect. But it seemed that instead of falling in love..or growing closer. We simply fell apart...fell away. Grew farther and farther, letting the real distance that separated us..suck anything that was left in our "relationship" into a black hole.

I'm sad that I lost the chance of a potential relationship, it hurts me to know we don't talk anymore, that her number isn't saved in my phone. She was brunette, 19 years old, beautiful in every way. She had gorgeous lips and the prettiest smile. Her picture is forever engraved in my memory.

Although I was sad for a week, I quickly picked myself up..and was ready for another something..anything. Why do I do this? I'm not sure..maybe it's a feeling of hopelessness, because if you honestly ask me..I want to die.

Today as I write this, I'm trying to catch you up to speed so much has happened..and I'm not sure where to begin..my heart aches for so many things. I never kissed Lynn..I kissed Jessica.

I still haven't had a boyfriend or a girlfriend since March, of earlier this year. I still mess up everything in my life, and I still cry myself to sleep.

I am Whitney...I want to be Whitney..a girl who is beautiful and knows what she is doing with her life. Right now..I cannot.

You say reality sucks, no I'm afraid it blows. Blows so cold like the wind outside..the last few nights have been below ten degrees...and sleeping has been restless. Reality stabs, like a knife through an apple, slow but crisp. Reality isn't real anymore, it seems as though..it's a mess up, like God is up there erasing and trying to re-write my story.

Let me re-write my story.

Thanks-giving break..I went to visit my dad. I did many unexplainable things..things it breaks my heart to say...I had sex with a girl.