Whispered Dreams - Chapter 22 Real Confessions

Zoey's point of view

It felt like an eternity had passed and we hadn't spoken a word, just stayed there in a place listening each other taking ragged breaths in and out. I knew he was angry, fighting for the control that he was quickly losing, just as I was but in a completely different way.

Jake was trying to not leash his wrath at me; thankfully he was succeeding, whereas I was fighting for the control over my body. I wasn't doing as good. My knees felt weak and wobbly, my hands and my arms twitching to hold Jake and my mouth in an urgency to feel his. I guess it was good that he was angry; hopefully he won't see the desperate side of me that was winning over.

"Jake? What's going on?" I heard myself ask.

I could picture his face going from angry to shock to now incredulous. I could imagine his face, his eyes wide and his lips trembling trying not to swear too much. I knew what his first words were gonna be, I could hear thinking that to himself. 'What's going on?' he'd say.

"What's going on?" I heard him reply incredulously.

I would've smiled in that prediction coming right, only if Jake wasn't at my face. Geez... Jake's gotta learn to cool it.

"You tell me what's going on? What the hell is wrong with you Zoey?"

When he breathed those words out, I lost my temper. Not a new thing, we always were on a same level of emotions. If Jake's angry I'm angry. If he's sad I'm sad. If he's happy I'm smiling wide. So, as if on cue, my head snapped and my blood started boiling inside of me, starting to run towards the wrong direction.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I yelled back.

If I weren't too busy boiling up I would've been worried about my voice being heard all over the school, but right now I didn't give a shit about the world. Aren't those doors supposed to be soundproof or something?

"What the hell is wrong with YOU, Jake? YOU'RE the one who's been ignoring ME! YOU are the one who fucking LEFT after kissing ME!" I yelled again.

"Why the freaking hell do you think is that? Why did I leave Zo? Why am I ignoring you Zo? ANSWER ME DAMN IT!"He yelled to my face.

I pushed him back away from me.

"How the fuck, am I supposed to know Jake? You're the one who's been doing all that. I'm not the one who left his best-friend whom he just kissed and forgot about it"

"Yeah, you're just the one who kissed her best friend and insulted him. Aren't you?" he accused.

That was it. That broke the ice. That did it. That unleashed every bit of emotions that I'd been holding in for all too long.

"Insulted you? Jake, you're fucking with me right? You've got to be kidding me. You're really this bloody damn idiotic that you ignored me for fucking all these weeks because of that?" I yelled fighting to control the angry tears quickly welling up in my eyes, blurring my sight.

"Well educate me Zoey. Please, because it seems you think I'm stupid to be angry at you after you mercilessly insulted me" he said with full on sarcasm and hatred in his voice.

"Insulted you to protect you" I snapped,

"Protect me from what?" he snorted.

"You're a bloody damn bitch! Don't you fucking remember you had a girlfriend in MY house looking like a lost puppy seeking help from YOU? So don't blame this on me! I did it all to protect you and your precious girlfriend!"

He was about to say something but I didn't let him.

"Seriously you had all this anger built up for all these days just because I said something stupid but you didn't had the brains to even consider why I'd have said that? You're really that dumb? Oh wait! You are REALLY that dumb!"

"What are you talking about?" he asked. His hatred lost in air and his voice truly confused.

"Why did you kiss me Jake? Why did you really kiss ME Jake?" I asked tasting the salty tears now freely flowing through my eyes.

"Why did you kiss ME?" he asked.

This was the part, I hoped he wouldn't go there. My settling anger got a new high and I saw nothing. I was just plain mad!

"BECAUSE I LOVE THE FUCKING, RETARD THAT YOU ARE." I yelled.

My throat was starting to burn and ache with all the yelling. My body started to wear, I was just so tired. Running away from the truth or keeping this a secret seemed a lot of hassle right now. I knew I couldn't even stand right then, I was just so tired.

I started sliding down the wall until I found my seat on the cold floor.

"I've been in love with you since the first time I met you Jake. I never cared to admit it to you, to anyone, or even to myself, but I just can't handle it now. I thought it was just a crush and it wasn't worth ruining our friendship, but it's not. It's not just a crush. From what I've known of crush it fades away as soon as it strikes, but my feelings for you just keep getting stronger and stronger. Everything that you do just makes me like you even more, even if it's a bad habit of yours. You never disappoint me, Jake. My feelings for you are so strong now, that I feel incomplete without you Jake, when I'm with you I feel like I am where I belong. You don't even know what I've been through all these days when you ignored me, I so badly wished that I could go back and take it all back, all of it, because I thought you'd never talk to me, because I thought you hated me or felt betrayed because of me. Even though I loved every bit of it, I would've taken it all back if I could, because... I love you Jake"

My body felt drained, it felt exhilarating. I just got the heaviest, the biggest and the most important secret of my meaningless life off my back.

I rubbed my face with my hands, finding a wet surface. I had been crying like an idiot and didn't even notice it. I smiled to my hands as I tasted the salty tears. Everything just felt so light now that this... this huge burden was finally off me.

The silence extended, and it stretched and it kept stretching on. Jake didn't speak a word; I didn't have it in me, to speak another word after that long charade.

And just like that the silence broke the wall inside of me once again. My anger snapped to its former glory.

"Well.... Jake? I'm sure you HAVE something to answer or tell or even question me. Or are you just gonna stand there like an idiot?" I snapped.

Jake released a breath that I realized he was holding in. he didn't move from his place and every passing second was a test of patience for me. I looked up at him from the floor that I was sitting in, trying to read him. What the hell was he thinking?

I stood up with so much force that my head started spinning. But I had no time to spare for the dizziness I felt.

"Jake... you've got to say something. I feel like I just fessed' up everything to a wall" I teased trying to calm myself and the tension around that I was responsible for.

"Wow... I don-don't kno-know what to s-say. I mean I ne-never took it so se-seriously." He stuttered.

In any other situation I'd have found his stammering funny, but not right now. Did he really mean it?

"Zoey... I'm sorry..."

OH HELL NO!! I yelled in my mind. I'm so not getting dumped by my best friend when I just confessed every fucking word I could think of. I'm not giving him the right to do that... I'm not gonna be the chick who's feelings are not gonna be respected and are thrown out the window like a garbage. THAT is not happening.

I wanted to stay strong but those damn motherfucking tears wouldn't leave me alone! I was weeping by now.

"Zoey, please don't cry..."

"Oh... so after all this, you're expecting me to smile and throw it all out the damn window? Well I can't do it Jake... sorry to disappoint you!" I said as through the tears and I walked towards the door opening with a force I didn't knew I was capable of.

I heard Jake follow him. But screw him, screw the damn world!

I opened the door and walked away feeling like an idiot for thinking even for a second that he'd understand. I was mad at myself.

'Don't say I didn't warn you babe...'

I heard Danny's voice replay in my head once again. Great! Now my head works. That was what the dream was trying to tell me? Fuck it!

My vision was blurred with tears and the red spots I was seeing with my anger not budging from its place. That's when I heard Jake trying to plead with me. He had some bloody damn nerve. Danny was right! He really is a dick, isn't he?

I blinded with the anger and the hurt turned around not seeing anything in front me.

"Save it Jake! You know what, now I see Danny is so much better than you are. Screw you Jake!"

That did little justice to what I wanted to tell him, but even with all the anger, betrayal and hurt I felt I just didn't had it in me to fully and whole-heartedly hate him.

I mentally cursed myself for that little disability I possessed and ran away from him. I ran through the crowded hallway, not caring for the world who saw me, or who laughed at me. All I wanted to do was get away from here, get away from him.

I just wanted to get away. I just kept running and running and running, until I reached the empty parking lot. I frantically started to search for my car.

Well, great! I didn't come in my car today did I?! I came with Danny.I couldn't stand there getting stared by the still and lifeless rows of cars staring back at me.

I started running to home on foot. I needed the air anyway.

I let the tears fall freely now. I ran almost four blocks until I couldn't move my legs anymore.

I sat in yet another bus-bench. Curved up in a ball, my knees wrapped in my arms and my face buried between my knees I sobbed like an idiot; secretly hoping Jake would come and soothe the pain away like the last time and every time I was in pain. The pain was just too much to handle and I knew Jake and only Jake could fix this pain, but he wouldn't. That let another set of fresh tears free from my ears.

And just when I thought I was all alone and no one would ever come for me, I heard a car stop in front of me.

"Zoey... honey, Are you alright? What are you doing here?" I heard someone call out to me.
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I know this post tool long, but this is a really long chapter, longest so far. hope it was worth the wait even though it ended in a bad terms.