When to End a Relationship

What brings me to write this article about when to end a relationship is the story of my friend Joanne. About four years back Joanne met Keith and her life seemed to have changed. She was always a happy-go-lucky and a bubbly girl. But Keith made her go over the moon. I was very happy for her. But this happiness for me as well as for Joanne was short lived. Although for the first six months she was giddy, as time passed, things started to move downhill. It's been years since I have heard her say anything nice about her relationship with Keith. I don't think she understands it herself, but every time she talks about him, I realize that she is being emotionally abused. She has changed her hairstyle. She wears colors that she once detested. She was a foodie but now all she eats is boiled food. Oblivious to the transformation that she is going through, my friend just seems to bear the relationship because she SHOULD. Joanne's relationship has given me a better understanding about recognizing the signs of a bad relationship and knowing when to end it. In the following lines I share with you what I learned from my friend's life.

Signs to End a Relationship

Arguments: Since no two individuals are mirror images, arguments and relationship issues are bound to crop up. Arguments seem frustrating at the moment. However, it is a way through which a relationship matures as well. The point is how do two people deal with the differences in opinion that they have. Try to approach your partner later with the point. Does he try to understand or reason with you in a calm way? Or do such arguments always turn nasty and none of you seem to be able to see the others viewpoints? If latter is the case it means that both of you have deep differences in your beliefs. There are some differences that one has to live with. Others can be worked around. The point is how much can both of you live with them.

Betrayal: "To err is to human..." I won't complete the rest of the saying because I don't want the other partner to be God and forgive the one if he continues cheating on her. But yes, all of us commit mistakes. However, the point worth noting is if we care enough for our partner not to commit the same mistake over and over again. Infidelity hurts and if you have been one of the many unfortunate ones to have suffered from it, talk it out with your partner. If he/she cares for you, you would never go through the painful episode ever. But if your partner cheats on you again, do you think he/she is worth your time and affection?

Manipulation: A healthy relationship is based on trust. In case one partner is manipulating the other for personal gains it becomes a one sided affair that can't be called a relationship at all. This may often occur in case of couples where one is financially or socially well off as compared to the other. Helping the other at times or even most of the time is good. But what you must consider is that if he/she is equally ready to meet your needs in whatever way he/she can? In case your partner seems sweet and nice only when he/she needs some favors from you, it's time you gave your relationship a serious thought.

Emotional Abuse: Relationships are based on the feeling of love and care. When two people are involved be it romantically or otherwise, it is about accepting each other the way they are. What I am specifically talking about is emotional abuse. If your partner is constantly complaining about the way you look or the way you behave, it's time to move on. Putting in some effort to please the other person occasionally is alright but if the endeavor goes unappreciated and the demands to 'change' seem never-ending, it should be taken as a sign of ending a bad relationship.

Physical Abuse: Love for someone and causing pain to him can't go hand in hand. Physical abuse must be dealt with at the first instant. Words like, "I love you baby. I just lost my mind" is no excuse for him to cause you pain. If he abuses you or your children again, don't think twice before ending the abusive relationship.

Questions to Ask Before ending a Relationship:

• Do both of you want and try to spend time with each other?
• Are your goals, be it regarding career, children, family or personal space similar?
• Just sit down and quickly jot down the names of the people that you would love to spend time with. Does your partner's name come in that?
• Mutual respect is one of the traits of a healthy relationship. Do you have it in yours?

If answers to all these questions are negative, then it is a sign that you are in a relationship that can't be worked out.

It is difficult to find a partner who cares. Arguments and misunderstandings are sure to come up in any relationship. However, these are not reasons to part ways. Leave no stone unturned in making the relationship work. However, don't lose your practicality. Do not deny the signs that tell you when to end a relationship. Remember "To err is to human..."