When Sparks Fly...Chapter 21

Hey everyone! Thanks so much to everyone who helped me, you all have such amazing, creative ideas so I don't know is this is any good but I hope you like it. Please comment! They really help me to write and know that you are liking the story! Anyway, much love xxx
Nami-you're english is astounding! It's way better than my German, believe me and I love the fact that it helps you!
Samantha Brooke-haha, unlikely, I don't think anyone comes on Buzzle for just my story, as lovely as that would be! I want your story soon too!
Pauline Bal-I feel terrible for telling you that now! My deepest apologies!

Gee-haha! I'm here, slaving away writing this story! No, I'm joking, I've been stuck with the story and have had no spare time to write atm with my uni stuff-which I officially hate and can't handle anymore with my school's inability to actually help me! Not good, but I'm back now so I really hope you enjoy!
Kathrine-I spell my sister's name like that. I shorten it to abbie yet she spells it abby. I prefer my spelling of it. And I love getting my readers help! I was seriously struggling before this chapter so I hope it's ok!
Lexy L-thanks! I will listen to some songs to get myself in the right mood and thinking place so hopefully I won't have a writers block anymore!
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I’m going back to uni a couple of days earlier so I can settle in again and spend some more time with Emily and Caesar. I last saw Caesar on New Year’s Day and things weren’t good. We spent the whole day after our argument on strange grounds after he said he wanted the old Chick and Caesar back.

So do I.

I didn’t feel comfortable around him for the rest of the day unlike I used to feel around Caesar, bubbly with just knowing he wanted to be around me and would happily take the piss out of me without a care.

Now it’s different. We’re wary about hurting the other’s feelings and have lost our spark that use to be there. I know it’s my entire fault, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted to find out more about Abbie, but pushed it too far.

I know it will be awkward between us now because it’s coming up to the day Abbie lost their baby. Mid-Januaryish and that is not far away. I want to be there for him and be a supportive girlfriend through this extremely tough time; I just hope I can be.

I open the door to my flat and see Emily isn’t here yet. I drag my suitcase through to my room and start to unpack when I hear the front door knock. I jump up and run to the door and expect to see Emily but see someone entirely different.

‘Hey beautiful.’ Caesar says.

My insides flip as he says that with a big smile on his face.

He came here to see me.

I look at my beau up and down and realize just how much I’ve missed him, from his tatty, slouchy jeans to his thick jumper on with a beanie with curls pushing out at the edges. I grin and Caesar picks me up and my legs wrap around his waist as he leans me up against the door and kisses me firmly on my lips, oh I've missed him. ‘How are you, Chick?’ He asks between slow kisses.

I lace my hands through Caesar’s hair and smile ‘I’m fine, you?’

‘Good.’ He says putting me down, and straightening out my clothes. ‘Have you just arrived?’ He says looking into my bedroom clearly noticing my unpacked bag.

I nod ‘A few minutes ago actually, you eager beaver. My mum was keen to drop me off because she wants the car back with her this term.’

‘I’ll ferry you around on my bike, if you want.’

‘You’ll regret saying that.’ I tease.

We go through to my living room and Caesar plonks himself down and says ‘Things are going well with Mac and his girl.’

‘Has this girl got a name yet?’ I ask circling the sofa, grabbing my slippers.

Caesar laughs ‘Nah, he’s not spilling anything because he thinks we’ll terrorise her and tell her awful things about Mac.’

I sit on Caesar’s lap and put my slippers on ‘Ahh, I haven’t seen him in his ages.’

‘You should come over and see him then.’ He says wrapping his arms around my waist.

‘I will.’ I lean back on Caesar and he gently kisses the back of my neck teasingly. ‘Stop it.’

‘Why? You can’t resist my neck kisses.’ He says softly, putting some more butterly ones in my weak spots.

‘No I can’t and Em is coming over soon so…’ I say pulling away.

‘Fair play. We shouldn’t get too carried away.’ He chuckles.

I turn around and Caesar puckers his lips out and says ‘I’ve missed you.’

‘I’ve missed you too.’ I say before leaning in and kissing him. ‘Will you make me something to eat?’ I pout.

‘What do you want?’ He says rubbing my stomach.

‘Mmm, surprise me!’

‘That I can do. Have you got any food in?’

‘Only the basics, so good luck.’ I stand up and Caesar slaps my arse as he goes to the kitchen.

As I go back into the bedroom to finish unpacking, as few moments later I hear and almighty cry coming from the kitchen ‘Caesar.’ I call out. Oh God what has happened to him?

‘Caesar…’ I run into the kitchen and see him clasping at his hand ‘Oh baby, what have you done?’

Caesar is crying and all I can see is blood profusely pouring out his hands.

‘Oh crap.’ I walk over to him and he has slit his hand pretty badly. I grab two tea towels and quickly wrap his hand up in it trying not to take in the gruesome image of his severed finger and raise his hand above his head. ‘Keep it like that. You need to go to a doctor or a hospital or something.’

He shakes his head quickly and says ‘No, no I’m fine.’ But he’s not. He’s wincing every time he moves or talks, I can even see the blood staining the tea towels at a rapid speed.

‘You need to go, Caesar. Come on, I’ll come with you.’

‘No.’ He stresses.

‘Yes, you need to get that seen to; I’m not watching you bleed to death.’ I say moving him towards the door.

‘Chick, please, I’m ok.’ He says pulling me back.

‘Stop arguing with me, you need medical attention to that.’

‘No!’

‘Why the hell not?!’ I then say angrily ‘Do you not want to get better?’

‘I’m fine, it’s only a little cut.’

‘Stop talking rubbish, Caesar, we’re going to the hospital now.’

‘No! I’m not going.’

‘Why not?’

Caesar looks at his hand and shakes his head ‘I don’t like hospitals or doctors. I’m not going.’

I think as to why he wouldn’t and then it hits me. And all my fears come instantly rushing back. He can’t go because of what happened with the baby and no one being able to save it.

Caesar grips his hand tightly and says ‘Please don’t make me go, Chick. I can’t.’

‘But you need to.’ I say looking at the blood seeping through the tea-towels. ‘Please Caesar, I need you to go. I’m not watching you bleed to death.’

He says nothing then I say assertively ‘I’ll drag you there. I mean it, you need to go there.’

He shakes his head then I use a devious ploy to see what he’s thinking and say ‘For me, please let me take you to the hospital.’

Caesar looks up and I know his heart is tugging at two sides.

‘But-‘ He pleads.

‘For me.’ I say quietly.

Caesar then gives in and nods, giving me hope I have some influence over him and that my boyfriend would do anything for me, even if he doesn’t think it is that much at all, it means the world to me.

Half an hour later we’re sitting in an A&E ward and a pretty young nurse comes in and says ‘Quite the emergency you’ve got here. You’re lucky you’ve skipped the two hour queue. I’m Nurse Walford by the way.’

Caesar says nothing as he is clearly terrified of what will happen to him.

‘Can I see your hand?’ She asks.

Caesar gives her his hand and the lady smiles ‘Is this your girlfriend?’ She asks, trying to make conversation with Caesar.

He looks up and nods at me ‘Yeah, Tor is my girlfriend.’

‘Was she the one who brought you in here?’ She says with a grin.

He nods meekly and she laughs ‘Always the way. The guys never want to get help and it’s always their girlfriends who bring them in.’ She undoes the final layer of tea-towel and shakes her head ‘What were you doing then?’

He smiles as he says ‘Making my girlfriend lunch.’

‘Ahh you romantic.’ She teases.

Caesar looks at me and says ‘Would I sound like a wuss if I asked you to hold my hand?’

My heart twists and I can’t help but smile ‘No, of course not.’ I sit next to Caesar on the bed and hold his spare hand in mine and he links his fingers with mine.

‘Let me just apply this numbing lotion because I think you’re going to need some stitches…’

So half an hour later, we are walking out of the hospital with Caesar’s hand stitched up and an unhappy look on his face.

‘It’s ok.’ I reassure him, rubbing his arm up and down. ‘You did really well.’

Caesar says nothing causing me to ask ‘Did you get help?’

He looks down and says ‘Help for what?’

‘When you were younger and after what happened with Abbie, did you get help?’

‘I don’t need help.’

‘Did you not get counseling?’

‘No.’ He says quickly.

‘Were you offered it?’

‘I didn’t need it and still don’t.’

We say nothing for a while as we walk along the streets back to my house

‘You’re afraid of hospitals because of what happened, aren’t you?’ I say.

He looks away and that answers my initial doubts ‘You need to get proper help, Caesar. People, specialists can help you deal with it and move on.’

‘I don’t need any help, Chick. I’m fine.’

‘Stop lying to yourself. You’re not. I’m worried about you; you need help to move on.’ I stop as I realise Caesar wants to say something.

‘I can’t move on.’ He says in a low husky voice.

‘Yes you can.’ I pause before saying ‘But do you want to?’

He says nothing and I bite my tongue to stop myself from crying ‘You don’t want to, do you?’ I say, the words making my heart ache ‘You still love Abbie, don’t you?’

‘No, I don’t.’ He says in distress. But I still don’t know if I believe him.

‘I think you need to go back and see her. I think you need to mourn properly. What happened was a major thing and I don’t think you can ever be happy if you do not properly address what happened.’

‘No, I can’t.’

‘Why?’

Is it because all his feelings for her will come back? Because that is my fear and I need to make sure he has moved on from the past so he can be with me. I want my boyfriend back and at the moment someone else is holding his heart and I can’t just stand back and watch it happen.

‘It’s hard, Chick.’

‘Why?’ I urge. I want to shout is it because you still love her, but I can’t; even my blunt nature won’t stretch me that far.

But Caesar’s onto me as he shouts back ‘STOP TRYING TO FUCKING CATCH ME OUT! I DON’T LOVE ABBIE ANYMORE, OK?’ Caesar closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before saying ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.’

He then stands in front of me and stops us, he takes his good hand and raises it to my faces and cups it gently as he says ‘Will you please believe me? I do not love Abbie anymore and if you keep talking about my past I am going to crack. We’re fucking falling apart Chick and I don’t want that.’

I look up at Caesar and say simply ‘I know.’ I take my face away from his hand and say ‘But don’t you understand how this is tearing me apart, Caesar? Can’t you see your past is affecting me as well? Your past is something I can’t access or understand because you won’t let me. It’s like there are two sides to you! Do you not see how disheartening it is to not know what my boyfriend has been through and I can’t help him?’

He looks sternly at me and says ‘You wanted to know.’

‘And now I wish I didn’t. You’ve never got over what happened and until you do I know you will never completely be here with me.’

‘What? That’s…’

‘I mean it, Caesar, get help and see Abbie again.’

I then walk off back home and my whole body feels weak. This is destroying me with every day we spend together.

*
I’ve tried to avoid seeing Caesar for the past few days until lectures start up again, but he called me last night to talk so he’s coming around today. I’m worried what he wants to talk about, my head instantly leaps ahead and I’m thinking the worst.

I think he wants to break up with me.

Emily knows I’m anxious and is sat talking to me through the bathroom door.

‘I’m worried he wants to break up with me.’ I confess.

‘Nah, he really likes you, Tor.’ Emily says flippantly

‘Likes, that’s the problem.’ I say exfoliating my legs.

‘Why?’

‘Well it might not be enough for him. He was in love with his ex girlfriend by now and he’s said nothing of love to me.’

‘But they split up, Tor, so it’s over. Why did they split up?’ she asks.

I stall then say ‘They just did.’ I hate lying to Emily, but at the same time I can’t tell Caesar’s secret as much as I want a second opinion on the matter. I want to reveal all to Emily to be comforted and reassured, but for Caesar I am keeping everything to myself but I’m not too sure if it is good or bad.

‘I think he does love you, Tor, he’s just afraid of telling you and I’m not just saying that. You know I only say what I mean. Do you love him?’

I sigh and Emily knows my answer before I even say it ‘I do.’ I am completely and utterly in love with him.

‘Ahhh babe! Get out of that bath so I can hug you! You’re actually in love! Isn’t it just the most wonderful feeling in the world?’ She says dreamily.

Well the most frightening in my opinion, as I am constantly worried I am going to muck it up and we’ll be over. Even though we’ve been arguing constantly, I can’t help but be in love with him still.

I get changed into my knickers and Caesar’s top before reappearing for my hug.

When I open the door Emily is stood there arms wide apart grinning ‘Come here,’ she says.

I open my arms for a hug and Emily squeezes me in excitement ‘I am so happy for you,’ she says sweetly.

‘But he might be breaking up with me.’ I point out.

She raises an eyebrow and says ‘I bet you anything he won’t. Hey, I’ll dump Hayden is he does.’

‘Oohh you are brave.’

She giggles and says ‘See, I’m that confident, it’s probably like he needs help with an essay or wants to apologize for not seeing you and stuff.’

We walk back into my room and I put on my jeans and cardigan over his top to keep me warm and go into the kitchen to make myself a drink before he arrives.

‘Oohh he’s here!’ Emily says spying from the window.

I hear the door knock and run to the door before Emily gets there. I open it and Caesar is stood there with a plate of brownies in his hand looking very apologetically at me ‘Hey Chick, these are for you.’

Emily squeals and I look at her as she swoons over his gift. I take the brownies into the kitchen before saying anything. Caesar comes up behind me and says no more except for turning me around and then starting to kiss me up against the counters.

‘I’m sorry.’ He murmurs, stroking my blushing cheek.

‘I’m not a cat.’ I tell him with a wry smile.

Caesar smiles and says ‘I really am.’ He snuggles into my neck and kisses me softly with gentle nibbles here and there.

‘What are you here for then?’ I ask, licking my lips taking back the sweet taste of his saliva again.

‘To see you and to say sorry.’ He says earnestly.

‘You’re not breaking up with me then?’ I say in surprise.

Caesar steps back and looks puzzled ‘No, did you think I was?’

I look down shyly and Caesar tilts my chin up and looks at me ‘You are stupid sometimes, Chick.’

‘So you’re not breaking up with me then?’

He smiles and says ‘No. Not at all, Chick’ He gives me another quick kiss before adding ‘I want to talk to you seriously though.’

‘What about?’ I ask hesitantly.

He takes my hand and leads me through to the living room where Emily has made herself scarce from.

He sits down and I sit next to him, my legs stretched out onto his lap. He sits massaging them as he seems to prepare himself to tell me something.

‘About what you said-‘ He begins, not looking at me, but at my feet.

‘What?’

‘That I needed to get help and see Abbie.’ He says softly.

I nod. Oh goodness, what is he going to say now?

‘Yes?’ I look up at him and Caesar says ‘I need to see her, you’re right. I need to apologise for what I did.’

‘You need closure.’ I say, gently grazing my fingers over his tattoo. ‘And help.’

Caesar nods and he says nothing for a while until ‘I’ll go and see Abbie and then get help.’

I’m surprised I’m not as happy as I thought I would be, but an unwelcome emotion of fear starts rushing through my body, a sense of jealousy emerging, that if Caesar does go back, he will see Abbie and old feelings may arise again and I may even lose him to the one girl he has only ever loved.

I look up and Caesar gives me a weak smile ‘I think if I go back, we’ll be better, me and you. I need to sort out my past so we can be happy again, to get the old Chick and Caesar back again.’

My heart melts as Caesar pulls me in for a hug. I hear the thumping of his heart against my ear and feel so content that I never want him to leave my side.

‘When?’ I simply ask.

‘Soon.’ Is his reply.
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