When Sparks Fly...Chapter 32

Hello everyone! I am sorry I left you on that cliffhanger, but in all honesty I didn’t know where I was going with the story, so it gave me some thinking time to work out where to go. I know some of you were very annoyed and I can totally understand that, but I didn’t know where else to finish! Also, people have been asking how many chapters left, well I can’t give a number, but soonish, about 5 maybe? Maybe less or more, but I don’t know, I won’t rush, but I haven’t planned an ending yet, so we’ll see! I’ll try and post more often but as someone pointed out; I do have another life besides Buzzle and can’t dedicate my time to writing stories etc as sad as it is, I try my best so hopefully that makes up for it! Also, you have to wait for Buzzle's approval which takes a while, so I'm sorry! I hope you like this chapter and please comment! I love them and your opinions on anything to be honest! Your comments do make me smile and I am so thankful I have such a responsive set of readers who are very encouraging, so thank you! This chapter follows straight on from the last.

Ms.T-haha, I quite like to think that although they were safe and stuff, they were just unlucky!
Phoebe-ahh, anecdotes is just a fancy word, bless! Ahh, very sweet, you should have just kissed him!
Nami-ahh thanks, I like that they’re not perfect, none of my characters are and they have to face things that can potentially destroy a relationship. Yes, I feel bad for her too being pregnant and all that, poor Tor!
Lexy L-same! That pic is adorable and so pretty! That’s what I thought too! Bless you for being so sweet!
Amrit-Glad you like the picture! Yeah, poor Tor, well we’ll see what happens. Haha, yeah, it’s not your average romance story with cute cheesiness and giggly girls! Ahh thanks! Haha, go for it, love me and hate me at the same time!
WishingHeKnew-ahh yeah, it's usually what I'm into at that time, songs are so inspirational! I'll see what I can do! I'll have to listen to it first, but maybe! I love new commenters!
Mrs Curlytop-haha, yeah I'm a sucker for curly hair too! Ahh, he wasn't worht it! Even if his hair is dreamy! Yeah, Caesar's a good sweetheart I think! I'm so glad you like the story and do comment more often! :D
------------------------------------------------------------------------
I drop my spoon that was making my hot chocolate and feel all flustered.

I was not expecting him here. Not yet. Not now. Not, well…ever.

I need more time to prepare myself. I haven’t had enough time to process and deal with what I have to do. I need more time, but deep down I know I am never going to be ready to see Caesar again. I just want to prevent the inevitable.

Why now? And how did he find me?

Caesar steps in and gives me his trademark smile and opens his arms wide so he can give me my favorite hug in the world ‘Come here, Chick.’ He says in a whisper.

I don’t move from my spot and sigh ‘Why are you here? I don’t want to see you, Caesar, not yet anyway.’

Caesar looks knocked from my put down and answers back crossly ‘Well did you think I would just sit around and wait to hear from you to see if you were alright and not hurt somewhere? Do you even know how worried I was?’

My heart sinks as I hear how much he cares about me, because I know it’s true and I wish he didn’t. I can’t have him want me when my intentions are to end us.

‘Is this your boyfriend, Torrance?’ Ryan asks me from shutting the door letting Caesar in. I hear Ruby move closer next to me and rubs my arm for support.

I look at Caesar and gulp ‘Yes, Ryan, meet Caesar.’

Ryan shakes Caesar’s hand and eyes him up and down ‘And what are you doing here?’ He asks in a serious father-like tone.

I walk over to them and say ‘You don’t need to answer that and we’re not speaking here. Ryan, we’re going for a walk. I’ll be back later.’ I grab my coat and slinging my Ugg boots on and beret before grabbing my phone and slipping it in my pocket.

‘Torrance, are you sure?’ Ryan asks.

I nod ‘Yes, I’m fine.’

Caesar looks at me and says quietly ‘Are you feeling ok?’

I shake my head and answer ‘No, I’m feeling pretty crap actually.’

‘Why?’

I walk out of the door and don’t answer his question.

I lead Caesar down to the open grass cricket field at the top of my road and sit down on my favorite bench. This place is full of serenity, I always used to come here as a child and moan about how tough my life was when all I had to do was clean my bedroom. I lived such a cushioned, perfect life, all up until now.

‘How did you find me?’ I ask watching him loll over to the bench.

Caesar sits down next to me and glances over at me ‘It doesn’t matter how, ok? I just did. It took me a bloody long time to find you though.’ He says trying to lighten the mood.

‘Why did you even want to?’ I ask looking across at him.

He gives me an exasperated look and says ‘Because you’re my girlfriend and I love you! Yes I made a mistake, Chick, but I still love you, I’ve never stopped.’

‘What about when you were kissing Abbie, was I on your mind then? Did you stop loving me then?’ I glare at Caesar and he answers quickly ‘I have never stopped loving you; it was just a thoughtless mistake.’

‘You keep saying.’

‘But it was. Please, Chick, I have not slept since that happened, I know I hurt you and I am sorry, I am so sorry I have caused you this much pain, but we can’t move on unless you forgive me and move on.’

‘I don’t believe you deserve forgiveness.’ I answer wickedly.

Caesar still carries on despite my throw back and says ‘Fine, I probably don’t, but you know how sorry I am and how much I want to move on from that. I’ve given you time, I don’t know what else I can do to help you. I just want us to be back to our honeymoon stage which was rudely interrupted. I want that sparks flying stage again that planned never to stop only because of the past catching up with me, it did.’

He is making my decision so much harder as he tells me everything I want to hear. My heart breaks as I see this and I turn away. I can’t look at his sincere face anymore. Caesar takes my hand and intertwines our fingers and kisses each knuckle and says ‘Come on, Chick, I know I have been a prick, but please let us move on, at least try to move on from this.’

My insides scream out yes, let us move on, let’s try again, let’s work at us; my selfish nature wants to forgive Caesar and try and move on, but I have to look out for him before putting my needs first. I care for his well being and he doesn’t want children and I respect that. He’ll be better off without me, in time at least.

‘How do you expect us to move on, Caesar? How am I supposed to trust you again?’

‘I don’t know how, you just need belief in me that I won’t do it again.’

‘You can’t promise that though, Caesar.’

‘But I can try.’ He offers. And I know he would.

I lean back on the bench and Caesar scoots closer next to me and kisses my ear sensually, causing me to shiver ‘I love you and I’m sorry.’

I close my eyes to stop the waterworks and sigh.

I can’t let this go on. I can’t string him along any longer as much as my heart is pounding against my ribcage in protest.

‘I can’t do this anymore, Caesar,’ I say softly.

Caesar stands up quickly and says ‘What?’

I don’t look at Caesar as I say ‘It’s over, Caesar.’

Caesar comes closer to me, begging me to say I’m joking or fooled you, but I stand firm. ‘It’s over, Caesar.’

Caesar looks at me with a suspecting look and says ‘Well do explain why, Victoria…’

This question stumps me and then my mouth leads the tale of white lies as I say ‘I don’t know how we can get over what has happened, Caesar.’ Partly true, I suppose.

Caesar raises his hand to his mouth and says ‘You’ve got to be joking me.’

I shake my head and feel the entire guilt rise up inside me ‘You cheated on me Caesar and you don’t love me…’

Caesar cuts in at this crucial point and I wish he didn’t ‘Don’t you DARE accuse me of that; I do love you, Victoria.’

I shake my head adamantly ‘You don’t trust me, you kissed your ex, you find me annoying, we just aren’t meant to be.’ I say cruelly. I don’t believe anything of what I’m saying but he needs to leave me, he cannot still harbor any feelings for me. He needs a clean break away from my drama and if hurting him temporarily is what I need to do, I’m going to do it. ‘We won’t be able to get over this, Caesar.’

I can see Caesar getting angrier by the second ‘I don’t get it, Victoria, I really don’t get how you could just give up on one little mistake, because I know you, it’s in your genes, Victoria, you don’t like to give up easily, if you know something is worth sticking with, you will, regardless of what has happened previously. You don’t like to give up, Victoria, do you? Huh? I’m right, aren’t I?’

I stand up as I feel his words close in on me like a fire, warming me up in hell. He knows me TOO well that all of this is slowly falling to pieces.

‘Caesar, I can’t deal with this anymore…’

‘You’ve completely ignored what I said, Victoria. Something else is up. I can sense it. You wouldn’t just give up on me that easily after everything else we’ve been through.’ He looks at me carefully, trying to spot a twitch or me biting my bottom lip to tell him I’m anxious and don’t believe a word I’m saying to break his heart.

‘Well maybe that was the deciding factor.’ I say quickly, surprising myself at how well I can lie.

Caesar walks back over to me and comes right up close next to me, intimidating so and says ‘That’s not it; something’s wrong, something’s different with you. I can tell you’re not as mad as you were when I told you, so why are you saying this now?’

I push Caesar away and scowl at him ‘Shut up, Caesar. It’s over, ok?’

‘No, no it’s not ok because I don’t believe you. I don’t believe what you’re actually saying. Something is not adding up.’

‘What isn’t? Don’t you think ending things because you cheated is a fair reason?’

Caesar pauses and says ‘Yes, for some people it might be, but for us, we are stronger than that. For goodness sake, Chick, I know we can make it work. I’ll do anything you want me to to prove myself.’

‘I don’t want you to,’ I say in distress ‘We’re not going to work out, Caesar.’

‘Why? Why can’t you give me a straight answer as to why we won’t? One that you actually believe…’

Caesar is pushing me and he knows he is pushing my boundaries to find out the truth. I wish I could just run away and hide from Caesar and not deal with the realities of a grown up relationship.

Why can’t he accept me wanting to end us?

But I know why, he knows me and knows I adore him too much to give up.

‘Come on, Victoria, tell me honestly why you want to end us,’

I stall and say feebly ‘We’re too different.’

Caesar looks up and seems to accept this, but then says ‘You like our differences, you like that I push you in the other direction, you like everything about me because I’m everything you’re not, so that’s not it.’ Damn it.

‘You don’t trust me.’ I try again.

He raises an eyebrow ‘So that’s why you’re the only person I have told about my past, is it?’

Why is he beating me on everything I throw at him?

‘You kissed Abbie.’

‘Yes, but I didn’t do it for the wrong reasons, it wasn’t done because I wanted Abbie, but out of sympathy, I’ve told you this. Abbie and I are over, she knows that and she’s happy for me. She’d meet you if you want to reassure you.’

I never want to meet her. Never.

I walk away from Caesar as I try and think of more reasons to give him as to why I’m breaking up with him, but he grabs my arms and turns me back to face him. His eyes look tired and his disheveled hair is begging for my hands to run through it. ‘Seriously, Chick, give me one good reason why because at the moment, I don’t believe the shit you’re telling me.’

I take my arm away from Caesar and turn away from him, but he walks ahead of me ‘There must be a reason if you’re doing this, Victoria, you need to have something determining this crazy idea.’

‘It’s not a crazy idea, Caesar, I am deadly serious.’ I say with my eyes as cold as ice.

Caesar doesn’t buy any of it and this frustrates me more and more as the seconds pass.

He knows I’m lying, he knows my heart isn’t in it as I’m telling him a bunch of lies to cover myself and escape from him for his best interests, but Caesar knows me too well, he loves me and knows I’m lying.

Caesar turns back to serious mode as he really starts to fire quick questions at me to try and get the real reason out. I am NOT giving in. I need to see this through.

Caesar then launches into a set of hard-hitting questions to really test my patience ‘Why are you breaking up with me then, Victoria? I at least need to understand that because people get over these things, these silly things which all humans are guilty of. I know I hurt you, I know I was a bastard, but you know that’s not how I normally act. All of this can make us stronger, people have affairs and get over them, please, baby, I know there’s more to it, you can’t end it on a fucking stupid kiss when I don’t care you spied on me! It’s a two way street, Victoria, I could call you up on lots of things that are wrong, but I don’t because I don’t care about them and they’re your little quirks which keep me on my toes; so what the hell is it that is making you chuck four months of our great relationship down the drain, huh? What is it, Victoria? WHAT IS IT, HEY?’

Tears flood from my eyes as everything he says breaks down all the barriers in my body which I have been building up to protect myself. Caesar comes right up to my face this time, which provokes me to shout ‘I’M PREGNANT!’ I yell at to him. I look at him with my tear stained face and weep ‘I’m pregnant, Caesar, so just fucking leave me alone and go away.’

Caesar’s jaw drops just as I imagined it would as he stutters out behind me ‘You’re…you’re…pregnant? What? What do you mean?’

I walk away but Caesar grabs my arm and turns me to face him ‘I told you, Caesar, I’m pregnant.’

He doesn’t ask whether it’s his or not, because he knows. He knows this is the breaker in our relationship.

I walk off and don’t look back, leaving Caesar watching me and the life within me walk out of his life for good.

‘Victoria…’ He calls out after me, with clear desperation in his voice.

‘No, Caesar. No.’

I quickly take the shortcut back to my house in the hope of losing Caesar. I knock on the front door several times over for Ryan or Ruby to open the door and as Ryan opens it, I collapse into his arms and cry on his shoulder, hideous sounds which make me lose the power of speech.

Ruby rushes to my side and Ryan asks ‘What is wrong with you, Torrance? What did he do to you?’

I lean back against the door and lock and bolt it up and wail ‘He’s got me pregnant, that’s what.’

Ryan pulls back and looks furious ‘What? He raped you?’

I shake my head and stutter ‘No, Ryan…he’s not like that. I’m nearly two months pregnant.’

‘YOU’RE WHAT?’

I bite my bottom lip hard and wipe my gushing eyes and say ‘I’m pregnant, Ryan, ok? I am pregnant and it has totally fucked up my life so don’t you dare start lecturing me because I don’t need it.’

I bury my head into my lap and then hear the dreaded tones of ‘Victoria, what did you just say?’

I look up and see only my mum standing in the kitchen with a shock-ridden face and feel like the day couldn’t get any worse.

‘Pregnant?’ She begins ‘Well this better not be true, Victoria, I mean, you’re only young and…’

She sees that as I don’t cut in, it is in fact all true and I start to sob again. I hear my mum move closer to me and I don’t know whether she wants to hurt me or hug me, but it turns out to be the latter as she wraps me in her warm, mothering arms and says ‘Oh darling…’

I sit and cry on my mum’s shoulder like a five year old whose just fallen off her bike and feel like the end of the world is nigh.

‘Do you hate me?’ I mumble.

I feel my mum shake her head as she says ‘Never, darling, I will never hate you; I’m just…shocked, ok? Just shocked, but it’ll be ok. It will be ok.’

I sigh and say guiltily ‘Are you disappointed with me?’

My mum doesn’t answer for a few moments then says ‘Of course not.’

Even if my mum won’t criticize me, I will.

I hate myself for what I’ve got myself into and there is no way out.

The thought terrifies me as I process the heart wrenching news that I no longer have Caesar in my life; the guy I will always be in love with and also the very real news that I am going to have a baby in around seven months time.

What could make my life any worse?

The front door bell starts to ring vigorously and I run upstairs to peek out of my window to see who it is.

Well look who it is; it’s Caesar.

Of course it is.
---------------------------------------------------------
Please comment! :D