When Change Is Needed..

She sits alone on her bed and thinks of her life, what she's been through and the people that seem to be responsible for it. Tears fill her eyes as she realizes that she is lost, that she no longer has a place in the world. She used to be so sure of herself. She used to think that people actually loved her for who she was, for how she was.

The tears start to flow down slowly, salty drop after salty drop, she can't believe how she got to where she is now. It's like she knew it was happening, but didn't know how to stop it. Her heart breaks as she finally acknowledges that she now has nothing left. This was the final piece to the puzzle that was forming her entire life. She has had enough and realizes that it isn't worth it anymore. Life doesn't seem to be what it should be, how she imagined it to be.

She's perceived to be hard, aggressive and angry but in reality, she is the total opposite. She's soft, loves too quickly, too much and she hates fights. She cries herself asleep at night because she can't take the pain anymore, because it's more than she can bear and it just hurts too much. She knows that they aren't worth shedding any tears over, but it makes her cry even harder to know that she spent so much time and love on people who didn't even care about her.

She wonders what they gained from talking behind her back, from calling her names and turning people against her. The unfairness of the situation. The sadness overwhelms her and she closes her eyes and takes a breath. She prays to herself for her life not to continue in such a downward spiral. She prays that she will find others who treat her how she is meant to be treated.

She vows to herself that she will no longer let them control who she will is. She won't close herself off from the few who actually care for her, the few who actually continue to love and support her through all her hard times and troubles.
She silently thanks them, knowing that they are the true people in her life.

She dries her eyes and takes another breath and smiles to herself. The weight that has been lifted off her shoulders is tremendous. Unbelievable. All these years, they were holing her down and tormenting her. It's time to get her life back, to make things right again.

She gives in to her thoughts and realizes that her future plans are filled with hope and future excitement. The plans that she has for herself will remain locked in her own mind, her own way that will ensure that no one will tear it down for her or steal it away from her.

She has realized that she is happy with who she is and who she plans to become, even with all their negatives, thoughts, insults and opinions, she has finally discovered that no one besides herself can decide her life for her.

To those who hurt her and hate her, it's your lose for missing out on a person who has so much love to give and laughter to share, the pain you have caused will come back to you when you least expect it. To those who were there for her, who stood by her, know that they are rewarded with a beautiful bond that will last forever. She loves you, you cared, you loved back. There is nothing that she could have asked for besides that...