What Really Counts

We are all in pursuit of that all elusive goal, that "happiness," but what does that pursuit entail? Too often we opt for that "quick fix," a band-aid so to speak, but that quick fix is only temporary. Soon the novelty wears off and we are off again pursuing the next thing that we believe will make us happy. Too many of us rely on material possessions to make us happy, to make us feel important, powerful, accomplished. Yet, those relying on possessions to verify their own self worth will find that their pursuit will last forever, never attaining that prized goal. They will never reach the point of truly feeling accomplished, of reaching that all elusive happiness.

We become indoctrinated to this mindset at a very young age. Our first example is our parents. Children copy what they see and this is where we get our first set of values. Television commercials are constantly feeding this insatiable appetite, reminding us of what we "want," what we simply "must have". As children grow up they run into their own peer pressure, their own variation of "keeping up with the Joneses" so to speak. This can be a very painful learning experience, as not having the latest name brands can make them the object of ridicule, a very painful experience for a child. We all need to belong. We are all born with the need to be loved and accepted. So the stage is set at an early age for what we believe is the way to attain happiness and status. How did that saying go back in the 80’s, "He who dies with the most toys wins?"

Yet, with all of today's modern conveniences, I look around and I see very few happy people. What I see is a lot of stress, a lot of grief. Depression has become a pandemic. Too many adults rely on antidepressants just so they can function. And now, sadly, our children more and more, also rely on those very same medications. Where is the happiness? It is harder and harder to attain.

We have lost our core values. We no longer have the ability to experience true joy, true love, for this experience comes from no other place other than "within." To be able to experience true love, true joy, we must first be able to love ourselves. It cannot be accomplished by any other means.

Relying on material possessions or even physical appearance in validating oneself is actually quite dangerous. There will come a day when those possessions will be gone, and that physical beauty will one day most certainly disappear.

Achieving happiness is actually quite easy. For the novice it may take a lot of self-reflection, self-examination. This path to self-discovery does not happen overnight. Nothing worthwhile is attained immediately. It is part of our life's journey, our learning path. We must shed the importance of the outer self and give value to the inner self. Prioritize relationships so as to recognize the value in those around you. In this fast-paced world that we live in, it is important to take the time to "smell the roses." Take time out to have quality time with loved ones, just as we did when living was more simple. Back to basics. The dinner table is an excellent place to get to know one another, to share the events of the day, to listen to one another's concerns, to get to know family members all over again, or maybe for the first time. Doing things together as a family is important. Getting together weekly and participating in an activity that everyone enjoys strengthens bonds. Most of all, communication is of utmost importance. It is important that we are available for each family member, that we are never too busy. Problems are merely challenges that can be talked out. Understanding is key.

Divorce is much too common these days. Although there are extenuating circumstances that sometimes warrant the breakup of a marriage, today we accept this as merely a fact of life. Why do couples grow apart? Why do they fall out of love? I would venture to say that the primary reason is lack of communication. Tending to a relationship is a 24/7 job. It demands love, understanding, and compromise by both parties. Unfortunately, in many of these cases it's just life that gets in the way. Careers play a big factor in this. The flames of love need to be fanned constantly in order to stay alive. Ignore them and love stagnates, driving the partners on a new quest for fulfillment, a new quest to find love and happiness.

Nothing is more important than a relationship, be it with your spouse, children, family, or friends. Everything else is just "stuff." The love and understanding we are all so desperately seeking can be found in one another, if we just let go of our preconceived notions, of our own need to feel important. Throw that ego away and find the real "you."

Technology is wonderful. We are capable of things that we didn't imagine possible fifty years ago. Yet, technology has robbed us of our person hood, of our meaningful relationships. Instead of a family unit, instead of a community, we have become a society of individuals pursuing their own agenda. Yet, in our humanity, deep within our soul we yearn for that love, for that happiness that can only be achieved by getting back to basics, by leaving the technology behind and getting back to nature, getting back to our true roots, delving inside and feeling love for one another. Getting back to what really counts.