What Can Parents Do If Timeouts Don't Work?

The term "timeout" is a sports term that coaches use when they want to give their team a chance to take a quick break, regroup, and return to play with a new attitude and new plan of attack. The same idea is behind using the term for disciplining a young child. Parents use a timeout to force their child to get their emotions and thoughts back into balance before things get out of hand. The intended goal is to give children the opportunity to regulate their own behavior. Although timeouts are often misused and misunderstood by parents, they can be an effective strategy for changing a child's behavior if they are used correctly. But many parents don't apply the principles correctly or consistently, and many children don't respond even if they do.

If a child doesn't stay put in timeout, or insists on getting into a power struggle with a parent, then the timeout becomes a joke that is easily dismissed by the child. Sitting in a chair for ten minutes doesn't seem like discipline, particularly if they are still able to get attention from the parent by crying, arguing, or getting up and having to be put back in the chair repeatedly. For some children it becomes a challenge to see who wins the timeout contest. For some parents, timeout just doesn't work, but there are other discipline strategies that might. Remember that the goal of discipline is to change a child's behavior, not make him miserable. Choose a discipline technique that works best for the child's temperament. Read more on disciplining your child.

Perhaps the most educational discipline strategy for a child of any age is to show them there are consequences for their actions. For instance, a parent can tell a child not to stray too far away from the playground or else they will leave the park. A child can be told not to throw a ball in the house, or else the ball will be taken away. Being sure that the punishment matches the crime will help a child connect inappropriate behavior to the consequences of that behavior, and teaches them responsibility for their actions. In order for this discipline strategy to work, the consequence must be explained ahead of time, to give the child ample warning. But if the child exhibits behavior you didn't anticipate, then the consequence can't be explained ahead of time so it should be enforced without a warning. For instance, if a child is knocking items of grocery store shelves, it does no good to say, "the next time you do that, you're going in the shopping cart;" instead, put the child in the cart right away to tie the consequence to the behavior immediately. Read more on behavior problems in children.

Another effective discipline is to punish a child by taking away privileges. Parents will have the most success with this approach if they first determine which privileges a child likes the most. The privilege may be watching a television show, staying up a little late, playing with a specific toy, spending time with friends, or going to a certain store or restaurant. If a child misbehaves, the privilege should be taken away right away. However, be careful not to take away too many privileges at once, and do not keep them away for too long. For smaller children its best to take away privileges for one day at a time instead of a week at a time. By keeping the punishment to one day at a time, the child is encouraged to choose good behavior every day. Also, it removes the temptation for parents to shorten a lengthy punishment.

Other effective discipline strategies include establishing warning systems, assessing monetary fines from a child's allowance, giving a child additional chores around the house, or redirecting their energy from bad behavior into good ones. No matter what type of discipline you choose, however, it is important to counter it with rewarding the child for good behavior. If you establish clear rules about certain types of behavior and you see that a child is following the rules, you can let them choose their own reward or choose a reward that you know they will enjoy, such as a toy, stickers, money, new clothes, or whatever will mean something to the child. Be sure the reward is appropriate to the child's age and temperament.

The ultimate goal of any type of discipline for children is to bring misbehavior to a screeching halt and make the child realize that the behavior needs to change. Corporal punishment can be effective and even necessary in a few situations, but for the most part, low-key punishment techniques such as these outlined above are exactly what the doctor ordered for helping a child learn how to behave.