Wedding Quotes - Funny Wedding Quotes

Most married people love a good, funny quip about their spouses. Not one married man can resist a juicy dig at his wife and yes, it also works the other way round, as the wife can also retort with some seriously good stuff! So from funny wedding crashers quotes to funny wedding anniversary quotes, from wedding vows to wedding rings... here are some humorous wedding quotes guaranteed to have you in splits!

Funny Wedding Quotes

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too.
- H.L. Mencken

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house.
- Jean Kerr

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
- Rita Rudner

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
- Anonymous

In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.
- Helen Rowland

Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
- Carrie Snow

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
- George Burns

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
- Henny Youngman

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.
- Joey Adams

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
- Joey Adams

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose.
- Beverly Nichols

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
- Marie Corelli

I never mind my wife having the last word. In fact, I'm delighted when she gets to it.
- Walter Matthau

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
- Woody Allen

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.
- Helen Rowland

Infatuation is when you think he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Connors. Love is when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you'll take him anyway.
- Judith Viorst

If you plan to give a wedding speech then you can include some of the above mentioned funny wedding quotes. This way you can lighten up the atmosphere and also ease the tension on the bride and groom on this special day.