Wedding Guest List Etiquette

Compiling your wedding guest list is possibly the most difficult wedding-related task. Your budget and venue capacities are the factors which will decide your final guest list number, but who finds a place on it and who doesn't, will be arrived at after a fair deal of negotiation. Be prepared to want to tear your hair out when your to be mother-in-law requests you to include your fiancé's three second cousins once removed. If you know the rules of an invitee list, it will help the process. As you go about this contentious task, set a few ground rules to help you prepare the list, and employ tact and patience to avoid hurting the sentiments of those involved. A standard practice is to split the number of guests down the middle, with the brides side and grooms side getting an equal number. This half is then split between the person getting married and his/her parents in a 60-40 or 50-50 share. Another factor is to expect some people to RSVP 'no', so prepare a wedding invitation list of about 10% more than your decided number.

Tips to Prepare a Wedding Guest List

When to Invite
The best way to get organized is with an excel spreadsheet. Have two lists within it, yours and your fiancé's, and add in all those you are sure to invite. As you go along keep updating it with new names and addresses. This will not only help you with the invitations, but also with the meal selection, seat assignments and thank you notes. One aspect of your list of invitees is when to inform people. Those who are close to you and your fiancé should be told as soon as the date has been finalized, so they can adjust their schedules to be there. While others will be aware of the wedding, ideally cards should reach everyone about a month in advance. This will give them time to RSVP. One you have all the confirmations and cancellations, you can start working on other details such as table seating.

Whom to Invite
You start by putting down your and your partner's immediate family and close relatives (such as grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins). You then progress to close friends and colleagues who you have known for a while. You have a choice to invite only the boss, or the boss and a few coworkers. You should now have your list ready, without your (and your fiancé's parents) invitees. Don't count on your parents not inviting as many people as they've been allotted, for this happens very rarely. If you have any spots left, you can decide between the not so close relative/friends/colleagues. There may be a few important people in your life that you know will not be able to attend, but you should send them an invite nonetheless.

Other Guest List Rules

Significant Other
Should you add, "And Guest" or not. While some people won't add it unless the invitee is engaged or living with their partner, some will add it if they know that the invitee is in a committed long term relationship. If a guest asks if they can bring a date, do not feel bad to politely explain that budget and venue restrictions won't allow for it.

Kids
If you don't want children at the wedding, print, "Adults Only Reception" on the invitation cards. Alternately, you can write only the names of the parents, such as 'Mr and Mrs Coleridge', or 'Sam and Katie Coleridge'. If your numbers don't allow for it, don't feel guilty about not inviting the kids.

These are some of the basic wedding guests list etiquette rules to follow. A few other words of advise include not inviting old friends you have lost touch with, and only those coworkers you have socialized with outside work.