Want Great Relationships ?

Does it seem as if people want more than you can give? Do you feel pressured to keep them all happy? If so, you're not alone. Change this uncomfortable pattern now by learning new ways of creating more love and respect, as well as little-known methods that will help you to create happy and healthy relationships in all areas of your life. Don't wait to feel happier; you can begin today! Most of us care deeply for the people close to us. We want to see them happy and we want their love, respect and acceptance. Unfortunately, in trying to achieve these things, many of us find that we become resentful of what we see as their demanding behavior.

In our workshops, we hear frequently people describe their significant other as 'controlling,' their father as 'self-centered,' or their boss as 'demanding.' They tell us that they spend so much time trying to make the other people happy that there's no time left for themselves. The good news is that this isn't the only option. By taking the advice below, you can transform these feelings of resentment into a much more enjoyable experience.

How do I deal with demanding people or cope with their controlling habits?

Stop labeling them!

When you box people into a label of what they 'are' (demanding, selfish, uncaring), all that happens is that you give the other person control over the situation. Step outside the label box and reclaim your power. Keep your attention focused on yourself. What do you want in the situation? What's missing for you? By labeling the people in your life, you give them total responsibility for making things better. If you think that your unhappiness is because they 'are' controlling or demanding, then your situation cannot improve unless they change. This is what we call the "blame game" and it keeps you from letting go of your hurt feelings and can ultimately result in severe relationship conflict.

There is an Easier Way

Take back responsibility for your own happiness. Give up the belief that other people are the cause of your hurt feelings. Understanding that your thinking is actually a cause of your feelings is the very first step that you need to take in order for things to change for the better. Once you do, you can then start to focus on what you 'do want' in each situation. Ask yourself what is needed to create an outcome which is satisfying to everyone involved. When you know what you want you can begin looking at these situations as an opportunity to explore ways of meeting everyone's needs and re-establishing or creating a healthy relationship.

Focus On What You Want and You Will Get More of It

When you focus your attention on what the other person "is" you are less likely to notice other, more creative solutions for your problems. Anytime you are attempting to deal with one of your relationship issues, begin by looking inward and pinpoint what you "want" in the situation.

How to Create Those Magical Relationships ?

1. Stop playing the "blame game.' Drop any old feelings of judgment or anger.

2. Identify what's most important to you when you are interacting with other people. Visit our website and download our complementary values exercise. We encourage you to use it to determine the qualities that are most important to you in your relationships--the ones that bring joy and satisfaction into your life.

Let's say you did the values worksheet and you noticed that consideration was very important to you. Meanwhile, you've been labeling your roommate as 'selfish' or your romantic partner as 'controlling.' If you could have more consideration in your relationship that would absolutely bring more happiness into your life. Take responsibility for having more consideration in your life by coming up with a specific way you could experience more consideration in that relationship.

3. Request support. Ask the other person in the relationship if they would do their best to take part in whatever ideas you came up with which would help you have more of a sense of consideration in your relationship with them.

By changing where you focus your attention, from what people 'are' to what you 'want,' you can take back control of your own happiness. When you know that your happiness does not depend on others, you free yourself from the bonds of resentment and begin to feel better right away. Start looking for ways to have what you want, to experience what brings you more joy and, at the end of the day, to create the kind of relationships you truly want.