Walking Away!

His legs started shaking uncontrollably and his hands were starting to go all cold. He grabbed on to the steel railing on his right-hand side and started making his way down. But where would he go? Maybe back home. But would that be a good idea? After what just happened, anybody would be stupid enough to realize that his brother didn't want him as part of his life anymore. He had announced it like the name of a winner is announced at a competition.

Andy released his breath, that he hadn't realized he had been holding. Was he really that bad? He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but he just didn't know how to. It was as if his mind had just stopped working. His boring gray eyes scanned the packed place. Searching for no one in particular, yet still looking out for that one person. Though it wasn't hot, Andy felt as if his face was burning. His face was flushed from the embarrassment. He paused for a minute as the wind roughened and blew against his sweaty forehead. He felt the heat slowly starting to drain away from his face. But that only made it worse. He was now aware of the throbbing pain on the left side of his chest. But there was only one problem. How was he supposed to get rid of it?

Even though the place was surrounded by excited children screaming as the speed of the ride thrilled them, he couldn't hear anything. Just silence. He felt like a lifeless body, a heartless soul. His world had just come crashing down in front of his eyes and no longer did he feel the need to live on. His brother had meant the whole world to him. He was Andy's only means of survival.

After their parents' death, twelve years ago, Andy had been very devastated. He had given up all hope as he only knew the life that he had lived under his parents' love and protection. At the age of 14, he was too young to understand the basics of life and how the real world worked. Hence he thought it would just be easier to perhaps give up. But every time he saw his younger brother's tear-filled eyes and heard his loud shrieks, he gained a grip on himself. After a week, when he saw his younger brother faint in front of his eyes, it was almost like he had snapped out of the trauma of losing his parents. Like he had finally come to a realization. He couldn't give up. Not so soon. He had to survive. He had to live on. Not for himself, but for his brother.

For the rest of the days, he made sure he was there whenever his brother needed him. Initially it was hard for him to balance it all out. He had to make sure that he gave his brother the attention he needed, but at the same time he had to manage his school and education. Thank God, money was never a problem as their father had his hotels all around the world. And before Andy knew it, Jace had grown up to become a smart, intelligent, independent teenager. He loved Andy just as much as Andy loved him. Well, at least that's what Andy had thought till now.

The first time Andy experienced a change in Jace's character was when one night Jace had come home drunk late at night. He had told Andy that he was going to his friend's house after school for a group project, but that clearly hadn't been the case. Andy couldn't help but think back to the stormy night, when the rain was pouring hard and the sky was a dull gray. The thunder roared loudly as if it were a sign for a storm making its way. And today, the final lightning had struck and the storm was over finally over.

Even though for the next few days, Jace had acted his usual around the house, Andy hadn't been able to sleep a peaceful night. He knew that he was no longer the Jace that he had once known. There was a different side to him when he was out with his friends; a more dangerous and careless side. One which Andy didn't recognize. It was like he was a totally different person. He didn't know where he made the mistake in Jace's upbringing. He had sacrificed his own life and happiness for the sake of his brother. Not that he regretted any bit of it. But Jace had been the biggest gift of his life. His whole world revolved around him. In fact for Andy, Jace was his world. But something had gone wrong.

As Andy stepped down the last set of stairs, he lost his balance and fell to the ground. And it was at that instant, that he lost his self-control and broke down into loud sobs. There was no one here who would recognize him, who would come to ask as to why was he crying. It was just him, his pain and his tears. Soon he started crying louder, hoping to get rid of all the pain that was pushing against his chest. It was choking him and the only way to relief himself, was by letting the salty water run down his burning cheeks. He rocked to-and-fro as he screamed in agony. But there was too much noise around him for anyone to notice that he was crying.

As the evening grew darker, Andy's sobs grew softer. He looked up at the sky, searching among the hundreds of twinkling lights, for the two stars that belonged to him. "I'm sorry mom. I'm sorry dad. I couldn't be a good brother. I couldn't be a mother and a father to Jace. I tried. I swear mum. I tried my best. But I don't know what went wrong. You'll forgive me right? You believe me, right dad? I swear, I never did anything. I never yelled at him, or hit him. I was always there for him whenever he needed me. But I must I have done something wrong. But trust me mom. I never meant for it to turn out like this. I never wanted Jace to turn out a drug addict. I wanted him to finish school and then go off to law school, just like you wanted him to. I'm saying the truth mom. Please believe me. I can't, c-can't..." Andy trailed off as the tears started running down again. He just hoped that wherever his parents were, they would believe him that none of this was his fault.

"Mom, Dad. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think I can take it anymore. It hurts. It kills me to think that he doesn't want to see me anymore. Please mom, dad, I want to get rid of the pain. I don't think I can tolerate it any longer. It's getting worse by the minute and the only person who can help in subsiding it, doesn't even want to see my face anymore. Please do something. I want the pain to go away. Forever."

Andy slowly got up as he realized that everyone was starting to make their way home. But where would he go? He had no home, no friends, and no relatives. Jace had been everything to him. But there was only 5 minutes left for the fair to close, and he had to get out before there would be a traffic jam. But it was already too late. By the time he made his way out, there were cars all over the road, and people walking in between vehicles to get to the other side of the road. Andy figured that it would be wise of him to wait till the jam cleared up and then he would make his way to the parking lot. Just as he was about to sit down on a nearby bench, he saw a dark figure walking in the middle of the cross-section in front of him. The guy was clearly drunk because he was swaying uncontrollably left to right and wasn't aware of the cars impatiently waiting for the lights to turn green. "Look out!' Andy leaped towards the figure as soon as the lights turned green and the cars roared their engines to life and screeched their tires to a start. They were racing.

"Aaah!" Shrieked a voice. The cars drifted to a stop. But it was too late.

For the first time that day, Andy felt a sense of relief rush through his body. His tensed muscles slowly relaxed and the pain started to disappear from every inch of his body. It felt good. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw those two bright stars that belonged to him. He had only guessed all these years that they were his mom and dad. But today, he could say with full assurance that it was them. He could see their faces. As if they had come just for him. He slowly lifted both his muscled arms up into the air, just like a baby does when he wants to be picked up. He held his arms up waiting to be picked up. And just when his arms were about to give up, his hands brushed against someone's wet cheeks. The cheeks felt warm against his icy cold fingers. A shiver ran down his body and suddenly all the pain was gone. A small smile spread across Andy's face. "I love you Jace."