Unexpected Encounters: Letter to my Monster

Dear Jason,

I have waited, and perhaps in a way will forever wait for an apology. You will probably never have that. The day you choke on your tears and your heart feels like its being ripped out of your chest, because all of a sudden you'll understand what you did to me. Desperation for a way to make things right, and the knowledge of knowing you never can, will eat you up, because you'll finally understand what you did to me. You'll finally get that I never can push it from my mind. I will never be free from that night, and God forbid I should suppress it down into the amazing human soul that I am. Instead, I will have the courage to face it time and time again and let it make me a better person. When you're married, it'll come back to you. When you have a daughter, it will hit you like a thousand pounds of brick on your shoulders. Maybe in that moment you will realize.

When she grows to be a teenager, the memories will grip at your soul, and tear you to pieces. Wondering if some bastard out there will hurt her the way you and your father once terrorized me. And if she is the one in three women who get raped in life, all the memories that you've blocked, will come flooding back. You don't get to hurt someone the way you hurt me, and then conveniently just "block it out." However, maybe someday you'll be forced to understand it in its entirety. Karma is interesting in that way. And when that moment of true understanding hits you, I hope you live with remorse and regret for the rest of your life. Destroyed I was, but I have risen from the ashes and grown to be the beautiful, smart, mature lady I am. Unlike you, a selfish coward with numbness towards all feelings of remorse. One day you will pay your retribution, in whatever form it may hit you. Though the scars on my soul are permanent, I will be able to live with them. I will be courageous not cowardly. You can only hope that you do not run into me.

Sincerely,
Jona.