Turning 30 Happily but Not So Gracefully

I am a year away from hitting 30. A big milestone as it is supposed to be, so I sit down and evaluate life I led till date. From the beginning to end and one thing that I realized I don't regret a single mistake or decisions that I made, I can't consider myself successful in true sense of the word or how the world describes it to be.

No fancy job, nothing much to show off in terms of assets in fact it's literally nothing. Not married, not in love so if you have to look at my life its black and white professionally or personally, some people look at me and ask either why aren't you in the profession which you studied for? That too, for five years? Some people ask why I am not getting married. Well I always find one or other vague response to get away from the question. But my life has been anything but predictable.

I like to think of myself as careful and organized person but the truth is I can't be. I think may be no one can. We all start out as sane brilliant with potential but somewhere down the line life happens and there we go, blue in face trying to figure it out. But that's ok what is important, is to know you did, you knew how to and you did it quite well. When I think today it's those decisions and simple or big mistakes made me who I am today.

Everything doesn't always stay rosy and work out the way you want to which is good because most of the time what we want at a particular time won't be something good for us the next hour. In a way it's good that god takes care of that side, left on our own choice human race would have extinct by now. The important part is to know you can't be everything but you definitely can be yourself.

I loved the studies it was perfect for me but when I went to real time practicing it was hell. I didn't mind the hard work what was tiring was how emotionally draining it was. Being the advocate of justice I never felt so helpless. They say ignorance is bliss yeah but when you are in the profession where money and conscious are always facing each other ready to drag you down its difficult. Most importantly when you are learning the "ropes of the business" yes that is what they call it in one of the noblest professions. I was not thick skinned enough. Though I definitely hope years down the line I would want to go back and be able to help where it is needed.

Life is not always how you idealize it to be but at the same time life doesn't always come black and white, it has lots of gray where in all you would have to thread ahead is your intuition and who you are, nothing else works. It's easy to go on without reflecting at all. It's easier to go on living but that doesn't let you grow. You will keep on making the same mistakes some might enjoy it but somehow it doesn't work for me. So here I am may not be materially successful but at peace in emotional and spiritual level.

I still look forward to life somehow I don't feel as old as I am supposed to be as per the age per se. Some might think that I don't take chances, I am too logical and sorted. For that, well only a person who has been living my life would know there is no normal pattern or safe bets in my life. Everything is not always rosy but what I have learned in life being happy and unhappy is your state of mind and how you look at things. You don't need every good thing by the book to make you happy or any other person for that matter. What you need is knowing your limitations, knowing your potential and who you are what works for you and what doesn't.

Life doesn't always come perfect. Making peace with imperfection is what makes you truly happy. Taking responsibility of your own life and happiness is what makes you feel blessed. I don't take love for granted, I don't take life for granted and I am truly thankful for the people who have shared my life in the journey. Good ones or bad they all had their share in shaping the person inside me. Life is too beautiful and short to spend hating and resentment. It is your life where you can make changes. When you do not like something or are miserable a small single change can change the way you feel. Don't give up just because things are not going the way they are supposed to.

Roller coaster that life is the best way to cope with that is by being adaptable and flexible. Things never go the way they are supposed to they go the way they are meant to. Today when I look back I might have not led the most successful story ever, but I would not want to change it. I am still alive which means story is not over yet I still hope life doesn't become predictable because it's interesting that way good or bad.