Trial and Error
Love, life, relationships choices, and contentment.
Fears, Yes, insecurities. Yes, disappointments quite a few, but when all boils down to it, I have to say I have absolutely no regrets. Life keeps unfolding in the most bizarre way. So even the momentary regrets turns into a contentment if I wait another day. I have walked miles of this life observing, experiencing and learning. I am constantly evolving rat race makes me uncomfortable. I guess though I try to do and get best of results but somehow it has to fall on own without me looking over my shoulder.
Human relationships, I think are the most complicated and fascinating subject, it fascinates me. Sometimes the line of what's right and what's wrong is so vague. It is almost invisible and is only based on the perspective of the person looking at it. It is bound to be different from one person to the other.
We can't decide on who is worth, how much when a person derives happiness from giving. I guess there needs to be a good balance between submission and doormat which personally I am trying to find. Extremes are always bad for a relationship, be it of any kind. Life is all about choices but I guess when you are at the cross roads with multiple choices, what helps the best is to consider the consequences of your choice what you can live with or live without; as I said grass is always greener on the other side, no matter what choice you make.
So it's important to see your side and the filth you tend to see or will see there. Once you choose to be at that side of the fence is something that you can live with, without regretting it. Every single moment of your life and it may so happen that if you change the way, you look at the supposed filth at your side could be the best thing that has happened to you. Always remember at the worst of your times why you chose that side of the fence to begin with and what has changed now and why you might find a solution to it or you might realize that it was never meant for you. That's why I feel, you got to have a really strong reason to choose any side of the fence. Never choose any side just because it's what you are supposed or it's what everyone else is choosing you got to have something better than that.
People change with time so does priorities and meaning of happiness if today happiness meant going out partying with friends. Tomorrow it could be your child taking his first steps or today it could be going to the rock concert tomorrow. It could be the face of your man when he smiles at you. Today you may enjoy being out and about every weekend, tomorrow spending a quiet evening with your family. Now these are all meaning of happiness to different people but now what is your priority at this moment of time? That matters when at the moment if you are happy going to a rock concert someone makes you baby-sit or even stay home, you wouldn't like it and it is just a small example.
Timing and knowing what is your priority at the moment is really important when it comes to making choices and once you make them commit to it to the best you can and do not regret. There may be times when you make wrong choices and it's ok without trial and error, life would become boring. Take chances and make mistakes but it needs to be directly in proportionate to how much you can compensate.
I may not be the most sorted and perfect person today and I have had my share of pain disappointments and mistakes. I own them the events that took place things that happened to me and choices that I made, I can say that they were mine and it is gonna be mine. You can't change what someone else does or doesn't, you can definitely change what you do. So even if I can't really claim to know what and how my life is gonna be 20 years down the line (single with as they say with 72 cats, a single mother or as wife with 2.5 kids) I won't regret being there and I will be the best I can be because I will choose to be.
There is always a choice in life you can choose to refuse, to be abused, taken for granted, or railroaded into something that you don't want as they say 'Where there's a will, there's a way' and trust me you will find a way. You can choose to be miserable counting what is missing in your life or you can choose to focus on what you have remember. Whatever is missing from your life, tomorrow you may find it but what you have in your life once lost you may never find it again. Celebrate yourself, laugh at your mistakes and move on. Everything falls into place slowly but it will.
When I look back I always feel that I have lived different lives and lived in episodes - childhood, adolescence, teenage (I have a very little memory of how teenage should be like) so on and so forth, with only thing constant and that has always been me. Made tough decisions and it's been a rough journey but I still would not change any of it. It made me who I am and believe it or not I like myself a lot.
Though you share your life with lot of people on the way, never forget you are the master of your own journey, have patience. It's important, rushing to reach a particular point of your life will stop you from enjoying the present and importantly stop you from learning lessons if there are any to be learned. Never ignore you own feelings to boost someone else's ego but respect and understand everyone else apart from you too has feelings; however strong or nonchalant they seem on the surface everyone hurts, only degree varies. However putting yourself in your own shoe before putting into someone else's shoes is important. If you don't that's when a doormat is born. Take chances but sometimes it is really important to take a step back and breathe otherwise, you will never know why you failed the first time or the second for that matter and how to come back better stronger.
With lots of love.
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