When two people start dating, spending quality time together becomes a priority. Meeting everyday, spending hours looking at each other, and falling off to sleep while talking at night, becomes common. However, with time, this desperation slowly reduces. Even when you meet, you tend to remain quiet more often. The stock of endless topics to talk about, slowly become scarce. Does that mean the essence of love and eagerness to be together is slowly evaporating? Of course not. This just means that it's time for you to put in a little extra effort.
"I have found new love, like I've never known before. I find myself waiting for you, in desperation and in hope. You have told me you love me, and it's hard for me to say. Our love is new, but I do love you. If I fall in too deep, I'll find myself in weep. You are my life, my soul and my passion, every waking moment I wish you here to embrace me. So please, if I tell you I love you, promise me I won't get hurt, because I love you and I'll love you like love has never seen before."
When the relationship is new, and you have been seeing each other for just a couple of weeks or months, there might come a point, where you start feeling the lack of enough topics to talk about. Girls are mostly the ones who do the talking, while guys like to lay back and listen. Therefore, it is more of the girl's unsaid responsibility to find things to talk about with her boyfriend. A smart way to go about it, is to find topics that would help you get to know him better. This way, not only you can understand him, but it would become easier for you to gauge the fate of your budding relationship.
You should definitely start the conversation with, "How was your day?", and my dear girl, do not get disheartened by his one word answer. Boys are programmed to say, "great" or "good" for most of the things. It does not mean that he is bored to talk, he is just wired like that. So, instead of probing further, you can tell him how your day was. You would have lots to say, I am sure, and it is actually possible that he too starts revealing some more.
Men love food, well most of them do, and love talking about it as well. While talking, they might hint at what they would like their girlfriend to cook for them. It can definitely be not denied, that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Therefore, get him to talk about his favorites, his likes and dislikes when it comes to food, and see how the conversation takes its own course.
Every guy is a sports freak, or so I feel. Boys can just not stop talking, if you ask them questions about their favorite team/player/match. What else, he would be extremely happy to know that the girl he is interested in, is interested in things he is interested in. That got all mixed up, I know, but honestly, you boyfriend would love to talk about his craze for his game, and would be more than happy to share some of his favorite 'game' experiences.
It is safe to say that guys are gadget freaks too, and they love to talk about their so-called 'toys'. Just ask your boyfriend about the new cell phone that has been recently launched, or a laptop you are interested in buying, and he would willingly give you all the details about it. So listen to him intently even if all that you are concerned about is how the gadget looks like!
Most guys share good relationship with their friends, and this is something that would help you to know more about the person you are dating. How he spends time with them, what all they do when they are on a trip and similar questions would not only make him more comfortable with you, but would also make him feel that you want to be a part of his life. Every guy likes to be with a girl, who is also a friend. Two people connect best when they are friends.
Ask for Advice
You can understand a lot about your man, by asking him for advice. Be it something trivial or serious, it is the male ego that gets a boost when you ask for suggestions. Every guy likes to be the knight in shining armor for his girl, and though not literally, this somehow makes him feel, that you are dependent on him. You can also ask about things which don't invade privacy, yet are personal. This would make him feel more comfortable with you.
Childhood is a period of life which everyone loves to reminiscence. This is probably one of the best topics to discuss, when you want to know more about the man you are dating. Details about his childhood would help you know about his upbringing, his experiences, and also his perspective. His experiments and moments of fun at school, would make for an interesting conversation.
If your guy likes what he does, then he would be more than happy to explain to you about his work and responsibilities. You might not be overtly interested in everything that he says, and may be you would not understand his technical jargon at times. But give him the space and let him talk about it; he would be very happy to share the details with you. He would feel closer and more connected if he can share his work details with you.
Favorite Movies/TV Shows
"Boys can kill for the remote". That's what a friend told me once. Mostly, boys love to sit in front of the TV only to watch a match, but there are many who would never give up on one of those sitcoms, that rule the television. If your guy is someone who likes his TV, even when there is no match playing, you can ask/discuss his favorite TV shows.
Have you ever thought of asking your guy about his proud moments? No? Well, this is something any guy would love to discuss. Proud moments bring back happy memories that would make him thoughtful. It is more about making him, and in turn, making the two of you, feel good about each other. It is a very 'happy' topic to talk about.
"We sit silently and watch the world around us. This has taken a lifetime to learn. It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox." - Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook
This quote, my friend, explained everything. Silence must not always be understood as awkwardness, neither should it be labeled as boredom. In a mature relationship, silence is an important part of conversation. Keeping philosophies apart, this silence too, can become too much sometime, and might make you feel that in fact, a gap is building somewhere. You already know about each other and therefore, it becomes even more difficult to find topics.
If you are planning a future with him, this topic would help you to know about his perspective towards family and children. Talking about the relationship that you share with your respective family members, would also bring you closer.
You have spoken about happy moments, proud moments, crazy moments, but what about the moments that embarrass you? I am sure you have never discussed them with your partner before, as you were, obviously, too embarrassed. But, you have been together for long now, and you understand each other better. Talking about such moments would take your relation to a better comfort level.
A girl should be very careful before venturing into this zone. Since you are in a relationship for sometime now, it is but obvious that you would be concerned about the future, the future that both of you plan to spend together. Why not then, should you talk about it? Talking about future, makes your bond stronger and brings you closer, as it confirms your commitment.
Talking about the future is something, and talking about the future of your relationship is something entirely different. If you are committed, and plan to settle down on a future date, talk about it. You can talk about stupid things like your bedroom wall colors, to serious stuff like money management and family planning. Trust me, it is very natural to think and talk about them, and your guy would definitely show interest.
Along with emotional attachment, people who are in a relationship should talk about physical proximity. It brings comfort and warmth in the relationship that you share. You can get naughty and tease your boyfriend, you can also talk about what your preferences are. Being comfortable physically, goes a long way in building and strengthening the bond between lovers.
It is always difficult to talk about the past. Most of us feel uncomfortable, and avoid discussing our past relationships with our current partners. However, you must reach a point where you can comfortably discuss the mistakes or errors made by you in the past. Be careful not to compare your present relationship in any way. That would ruin everything. But, a healthy discussion, on the other hand, would help you mold your relationship.
You would notice, that secrets are something that bring people closer, almost always. The bond created when you share a secret with someone, is a strong one. Sharing deep secrets is something you do with your closest friend, and there can be some dark ones that you keep to yourself. Therefore, sharing your deepest secrets with your partner will strengthen your bond, would help in building trust, and would ultimately help you know your partner in a different light.
None of us are perfect. We are the best judge, when it comes to our strengths and weaknesses, and it us, who know ourselves the best. Sharing your weaknesses with your partner would not make you vulnerable, but would make you stronger. Your partner is not only your lover, but also your best friend. He would not judge you, but accept you just the way you are. It is a great deal to expose your weaknesses to someone. It would help in building trust.
In today's world, the biggest problem that a couple faces, is difference of opinion on the career front. Neither wants to sacrifice or give up on his/her career, to adjust with the partner. This is, therefore, a very important topic that you can discuss with your partner. It would help you to understand how co-operative he is, and would also help you introspect. Both of you should be ready to make sacrifices for the relationship to make it work.
A relationship is not always about discussing what's on your mind. Sometimes, saying nothing becomes more important, and you end up understanding your partner much better, through those unspoken words.