Tips for Nannies: Building and Maintaining a Strong Relationship with your Parent Employer

Building and maintaining a healthy caregiver parent relationship can be tricky sometimes. There are bound to be ups and downs regardless of how well you get a long most of the time… it is just the reality of on-going relationships. Here are some hints to keep in mind as you partner with the parents in caring for their children. These will help you maintain a good and healthy relationship with the parents and the child.

• Show them you find delight in their child and that even in difficult times you love them. Have little stories, not just problems to share every day. Parents, especially working parents who are away from their children all day love to hear about their child’s daily activities.

• Always greet the parent upon arrival and departure. This can be with words or gestures. Ignore moodiness or strange moods and continue to and stay cheerful, it will help a parent returning home after a long day at work. Make the transition into family life better. Don’t take on their mood or take responsibility for their mood. If they are in a bad mood, chances are they had a bad day at work and it has nothing to do with you.

• Know the limits of your expertise and pass the questions to a professional. Try to avoid helping a parent get more worked up about a potential problem than they need to be.

• Find out things about their family, work, and interests and use this to tailor your conversations. Show them you know them and their child. When someone feels like you know them or their child they feel more apt to listen to you or solve issues as partners in care giving to their child.

• Allow parents to be experts about their child even if you feel strongly about something. Sometimes you might not agree with the parents about how they have chosen to raise their child. But it is best to keep those opinions to yourself and respect the parent’s decisions. Always remember they are the parent, even if you spend more waking hours with a child.

• Remember that although you may very well become good friends, the parent is also your employer so act accordingly. It is great if you become close to the family, but it is also important to treat the parent like you would any employer.

• Limit your judgments. Even if caught off guard or surprised by a concern or complaint treat it as important. Clarify what you think you hear in their concern so you are sure you understand and can respond appropriately. Try not to get defensive, and take the concern or complaint as constructive criticism rather than an attack on you.

• Mirror their concern, delight about stories they tell (without adding to drama). Thank parents for letting you know concerns and telling them you appreciate it when they address issue directly with you. Good/healthy communication is extremely important. Always let them know how much you appreciate their compliments, gifts or niceties. You are apt to get more kudos and be better appreciated when you do.

• Use their parenting philosophy and family culture to guide your suggestions or guidance. Being unnecessarily adversarial won’t help any philosophical differences that may come up. Take time to look into the issue, and if you do have difference use theory and research as back up not personal opinions.

• Say "let me think about it" to give you more time to be thoughtful before responding to any issue. Take time to think the issue over and then respond when you feel you’ve had time to come up with the best response. This is especially important if you feel upset when an issue is brought up. Take time to cool down and consider where they are coming from.

• Imagine yourself as a parent, wanting the best for your child. Always know that every parent regardless of behavior, deep down wants to be the best parent they can be and than we all have obstacles ( be it work or personal stress) that prevent this at times in our lives.

It is important for child caregivers to always remember how important their job is. After all, you are playing a huge role in shaping the next generation. Always take care of yourselves, and be kind to the children and families you work for.

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Caresquare is a free community website directly connecting families with caregivers in a social network.