Those Gluttonous Indians

As if I did not have enough to worry about with global warming and skyrocketing fuel prices, I now find myself in a further quandary. It appears that I am to blame for the increasing cost of groceries at Wal-Mart.

My dilemma is intensified because I love America and Americans; and it wrenches my gut to realize that I am contributing to their agony. Let me explain. According to the Great White Hope, George Bush, middle-class Indians – a category to which I belong - are getting more prosperous and, consequently, eating two square meals a day instead of one, as they used to – the ingrates. This naturally puts pressure on the world’s food supplies and compels Americans to pay more for their corn dogs and nachos – the poor dears.

OMG, I just had an alarming thought. I am planning to visit Washington this August. Will my name now appear of some nutritional terrorist watch list? Will Homeland Security take a sudden interest in me? And, to top it all, my airline ticket is non-refundable. Oh shit. (I apologize for my unparliamentary language, but I am pissed off. I guess "pissed off" isn’t too polite either, but what the heck.)

So now I am faced with some tough choices. Either I have to skip lunch, or forgo my Saturday pepperoni pizza, with olives and all the trimmings. Why is life so difficult? It is a momentous decision. So I thought it would be worthwhile to do some research before I made up my mind.

I Googled the US department of Agriculture and discovered some interesting statistics. I feel less guilty now. Here is a table of comparing the consumption of major food items in the US, the European Union (EU) and India.- in terms of pounds consumed per capita per year.

US EU India
Grain 2306 1216 392
Milk 172 152 79
Vegetable Oils 92 101 24
Poultry 100 35 4

I know what you’re going to argue. The frigging Indians breed like rabbits; and so per capita consumption means didley squat. Fair enough. But what about the Europeans. They are probably as prosperous and reproductively-challenged as Americans; and yet they manage to get by on a lot less. Maybe the Americans can take a leaf from their book and reduce consumption. It’s Economics 101. When demand goes down, so do prices. They can make a start by cutting down on the obscenely huge portions they serve at restaurants and take outs. I dare anyone to finish a whole Philly cheese steak sandwich and fries without suffering cardiac arrest. Give it a shot, guys. You’re too damn fat anyway.