This Pain...

Why does the pain have to be so strong? I can't help but miss someone and I know I shouldn't see them, that I'll just hurt them, but what am I to do? I've hurt so many people and so many people have hurt me, I'm bound to hurt him as well, or in turn he is bound to hurt me. I last was not the hurt one, but the one to hurt, so fate must have him hurt me I deserve it.... but i love him so much. I'm confused my heart is telling me one thing whilst my mind says another...... I'm just so confused what do i do?