This is What Happened to the Smile

There was a time I wasn't so sad and mean, I was happy and kind
But those were the times I still had a daddy, and mommy was in her right mind
It was back when I still had a reason to be happy and a reason to wear a smile
There's a story I don't want to tell but I will tell it for a short while.

I'm trying to tell you a little about me but I'm writing with shaking hands
I have scars and cuts on my wrist and have thoughts none understands
I used to smile and laugh live in joy and have everything to say
That was before I was six and got my innocence taken away.

Before I lost my daddy who I knew really loved me
I can't let him even after I know he's free
You see mommy and daddy almost always fought
Solving problems with violence is what I was taught.

You see mommy and daddy were on drugs and daddy's drinking didn't help
So I sat back and watched my mom scream and yell
Growing up daddy had many girlfriends and wasn't around to help mommy
He left the helping to his brother, my uncle Tommy.

Uncle Tommy took care of me when mom went back to the hospital
Because she was again really bad sick
Too bad, Tommy was around when daddy drank so much he cut open mommy's upper lip
Mom and I moved around a lot never staying in one place
But never out of town just far enough to give mom and dad space.

After daddy dies I found out mom really loved him
I wish I could have helped and not just been a problem for the two of them
After daddy was gone I had to grow up
When I was eleven years old I made my first cut.

Mom and I weren't together for a long while
I had to live with my aunt and that's when I had no reason to smile
Always getting yelled at, sometimes getting hit
I never fought back but one time I socked the stupid bitch.

When I was thirteen I went back with my mother
After a long break I was once again a cutter
The summer before my freshman year I starting doing drugs and heavy drinking
I did all I could to try to stop thinking.

When freshman year started we moved away again
Christmas time was when more pain began
I fell deeply in love and gave away my heart
But I ended up getting crushed and torn apart.

I still can't believe I officially lost my virginity the first year of high school
To tell you the truth doing that really made me a fool
School year almost over and I meet up with an old friend
but he reminded me what happened when I lost my innocence
I didn't think that'd ever happen again.

I'm trying to be happy now for the love of my friends
I wish I could tell you this where it all ends
Unfortunately death won't come even though it is what i wanted
For the time being my thoughts will just stay haunted.

So I put on this smile that can no longer reach my eyes
I live my life now in broken promises and lies.