The Things We Do For Gas

It used to be the things we do for love. Now, it seems, we are prepared to do it for gasoline. With gas prices approaching $5 a gallon, it’s become a luxury item and some folks will do anything to get it on the cheap or, preferably, free.

In Orlando, Florida, hosts of a local radio station offered a free $100 gas card to anyone who would name their unborn son after them. David Partin apparently thought it was a good deal; and signed on. Partin can only collect his card in December, after his son is born. He will be required to produce a genuine birth certificate proving the baby’s name is Dixon Willoughby Partin, after the radio show hosts. Willoughby? The boy is going to love his parents once he starts going to school.

This may not be the best little whorehouse in Texas, but at the Shady Lady (cute) Ranch brothel in Beatty, Nevada, customers who spend more than $300 on the "activities" offered will be entitled to $50 petrol vouchers. Now they can not only have fun but get paid for the commute. Pretty neat. June and July are normally slow months at the ranch, but thanks to this novel promotion, the owners gave away $1000 worth of petrol coupons in just one week. Doing the math, that works out to 20 satisfied customers forking out $300 or more each, for a grand total of at least $6000. Not a bad return on their investment.

Even the American Red Cross is getting into the act. They are running a summer raffle where blood donors can enter a draw to win a year’s free supply of fuel. And if you think, that’s weird, get this. At St. Anne’s Parish in Massachusetts, the Reverend Edward McDonald is holding a draw for a $50 petrol card during mass. Bribery in the house of God? Well, according to the Reverend, the draws are symbolic gestures; and not intended to boost attendance. Yeah, right.