They Are Coming!

Rats - Dedicated to Boxcar and Nixon

We are rats, yep, rats. We have pointy noses, long tails and incisors that can make Swiss cheese out of a led pipe in less than an hour. Now, contrary to your popular human beliefs and unlike our other rodent brethren, we are completely aware of ourselves. Like you, we have technology, culture and traditions all organized in a semi archaic, clan based, society. So now, while you’re sitting at home watching your "boob tube", washing your tacky and terribly cheap dishes, eating your donuts, playing silly video games that simulate heroism and doing other trivial, non rat, things, we are building armies.

You’re probably wondering, "Well, you’re just rats right? There can’t enough of you to beat us, the great and powerful human race, right?" Wrong! You see, only about ten percent of our population lives on the surface with you, the other ninety percent lives underground, in rather messy, tightly packed super colonies, and in these underground communities, we are forging and creating weapons, we are domesticating animals, farming and just plain preparing for the big day, and by big day I mean the day we will wipe you off the face of the earth. The extent of our spread is relatively unknown to you. I mean, sometimes our colonies get dug into by miners, but that’s ok, we make sure they don’t get out.

I’ll give you an idea of how far we’ve spread just so I can make myself clear; We are under your streets, in your farms, between your walls, under your sinks, in your cabinets, we are in your sewers(obviously), in your pipes, under your ball parks, side walks, street lamps, under your private buildings, your public buildings. You know that rustling in the night? Yeh, that’s us. We know were every single gas main is, we k now were you sleep, we know every inch of every worthwhile city. We are the gremlins in the night, we cut your wires, you hoses, we make your board’s creek, we are in your ships, in and under your bridges, we drink your water, eat your food, we are bloody god damned everywhere and there is a shit load of us.

Now do you have an idea? I hope you do.
Why, dear scum, would I be telling you this? Am I a traitor? No. I’m telling you this because, no matter what you do, you can’t stop us, you can’t even slow us down. Why? Because like you we have become of force of nature, we are part of nature’s answer to you. We’ll chew through your gas lines, come out of trees, we’ll come out of the forest firing our domesticated rabbits armed with pikes, swords, sticks, nails, claws and jaws, we’ll fight you with everything we’ve got. You have no idea what we have planned for you. It’s just a matter of time now, we are almost ready. We are coming. So, we are rats, prolific, magnificent, fortified rats. Our superior society will cut a bloody swath through yours, why? Because it’s our nature. We are coming, and we are pissed off.