The Workplace 'Over the Hill' Villain
One of the most common types of workplace bullies is what the author calls the "Over the Hill" Villain. It explores what makes these bullies tick and how to deal with them without losing your insanity.
The Over the Hill Villain
Probably the most sinister of people you will encounter in your working life is the person I call the "Over the Hill Villain." Now first of all let me clarify: the Over the Hill Villain" need not be over the hill by society's standards. He or she (and it is usually a she, but there are some he's out there) can be in their late 20s, on up to retirement age. The point is, they feel over the hill, inside, and they come to work and take it out on everyone else. This person is perhaps the saddest of all the Villains. The reason is, all of this is inside of them, and nothing more than a manifestation of all their fears, insecurities, and inner feelings of failure.
As we age, many more things go through our heads than ever before. We start to see, hear, live and experience the world in ways we did not before because it becomes more and more painful as we get older and see that the dreams we have always had, plans we have always had, are as yet unrealized at whatever age. We may have always dreamed that we would be the CEO or the VP. We may have thought surely we would be a top executive with a big office, making decisions and having tons of people reporting to us. We may have thought we would have tremendous financial success with much more money than we needed. Or perhaps we imagined ourselves a pillar of society, which accolades galore, our names in publications and all over the Internet, as having made our mark in some way or another.
Those of us with the inner security to truly believe in our ability to succeed, eventually do. Our lives tend to follow a bumpy but upward spiral. Sure we have setbacks, but with inner security about oneself, one succeeds. As the years go by those who truly like themselves, who have something to offer and are secure inside typically move up. If we don't ever make it to positions of power, we at least move up progressively. And this is gratifying after having worked hard to get your degree and achieve a station in life.
Unfortunately, for the Over the Hill Villain, this does not describe the life path. Far from it. For reasons almost never having to do with a lack of intelligence, but rather having to do with inner failings and lack of self-esteem, compounded by setbacks he or she may have experienced along the way, the Over the Hill Villain never seems to get but so far in life. They look up and they are 35, 40, 48 years old, and where are they? Nowhere. In a low level position. Earning very little. In their eyes and from what they can tell, to the eyes of the world, a veritable failure.
What is sad about this type of villain is that, they do often have genuine talent and intelligence. They did get a degree. They did get hired by a Fortune 500 or 100 or 50 company. They did move from job to job when they wanted. But the years "gained on them."
Sarita
To illustrate this point, I am going to discuss a workplace villain of this category whom I'll call Sarita. This person and these circumstances typify the central problem and tragedy of the villain of this type. A truly sad, sad case.
Sarita and I met working for a Fortune 100 company in Southern California. I was hired from the outside to lead a group of writers. At that time I was just barely past 35. Sarita to look at her would have almost passed for 65 (I would later learn she was 48). Her face was tired and worn. She had wrinkles galore. Her normal face was that of a frown. She looked haggard and she seldom smiled. In my interview, which was a group interview, I remember that I could not answer one of the questions, and I distinctly remember that a look of glee and a devilish smile came over her face - like she delighted in that I flubbed at least SOMETHING. I sometimes wonder if she knows I caught that. Here is a woman who does not know me from Adam or Eve and she is gloating, as if happy that she found something that I could not answer, or some other, what she perceived to be a "failing." Think about that: jealous of a person she does not even know.
Well my interview overall must have gone well because I got the job, and became her boss. But then, oh boy, did the problems ever start.
In true Over the Hill Villain fashion, her attack of me began almost from day one. The first point I will mention is that, notice that there was a cadre of staff there, of which she was clearly the oldest , A supervisory position opens up, and not one of them were to be promoted. Wouldn't you think she would have gotten it? As the oldest? Instead they hired from outside.
Very shortly after I began there, I asked my boss for the personnel records of the previous manager whom I will call Marcia. The male on the team's folder stated that he had indicated an interest in being promoted but that for certain reasons she did not feel he was ready. The second staff member was going on to law school and leaving the company. And now on to the Over the Hill Villain, Sarita. The record stated that Sarita had not even been considered for the position. It stated that she did a good job at the writing, and always made deadlines but that she was not considered for that position, and that it was probably best for her to continue on doing writing. Reading the files, it was then that I learned that Sarita was the Junior Writer of the team and paid the lowest- by far. God, how sad. Here is a person 48 years old, and good at what she does, but not for a minute considered for promotion, and working as the junior member of the team. The Directors there were her age - some of them younger! Why was Sarita where she was in life? Why would a person of her obvious intelligence and ability accept a position as a junior writer? Sarita did not like herself, did not believe in herself, so that despite being intelligent, had achieved almost nothing in life, and she knew it.
It was not long after I began there that Sarita began, almost daily, throwing stones, which culminated in the first of many showdowns with her in front of the Manager. During this meeting, before I had even much stated my case, she blurts out " I didn't and don't want your job. Marcia offered it to me and I did not want it. Just so you know." Now, I had already read everyone's personnel files. I and the manager knew that was a bold-faced lie. She had not even been asked. This is common to all Over the Hill Villains. They will manipulate, lie, and interestingly enough they will always, in so doing, give you a clue to what is upsetting them. She blurted this out very early in this meeting - when o one had accused her of envying my position. It was almost like she was trying to prove it to herself. The truth was, I was where she wanted to be. She wanted to be in my position. She had wanted to be in my position way back 15 years ago. But where was she?
And there lies the whole crux of the problem. Sarita, in looking at me, was looking at a mirror image of herself, and seeing herself as she was: Severely lacking in many ways which caused her to have missed the mark in her career. She had accomplished less than ½ of what I had in 15 years more of working.
This is the central clue to working with the Over the Hill Villain. As the years go by, we look around - all of us do, and say "My God, I still never did open a business of my own, " or, "I never did go back and get that second degree." Or 'I still have not moved into management." And it hurts. We are increasingly confronted with our own mortality and realize that it is getting later and later. All those dreams never realized are less able to be realized each day. Then, with all this turmoil going on inside, feeling increasingly like a failure as each day goes by, we find ourselves in the workplace with someone YOUNGER who is now our boss! Talk about an ego blower! This was Sarita's problem. And this is the central problem with every Over the Hill Villain. You are younger, and you have done it. They are older and they haven't. They are upset with themselves but they can't attack it in themselves so they project all this turmoil onto you and attack it in you.
This is how the manifestations of it arise. The manipulating, the lying.
Sarita like all Over the Hill Villains, was relentless. Every day became a stage upon which she would attempt to work out what she disliked about herself. It was really pathetic. It became particularly bad when my seat was moved to a manager's seat. Then all hell broke loose. I had a credenza and huge area, and larger space - fit for a manager. You would have thought the Tasmanian Devil had been loosed. Literally every time I pontificated on anything, Sarita would stick herself in the middle of the conversation and attempt to insult me. The theme was always the same. "I am going to take you down a peg." In fact, I came to notice that, in any group of which she and I were a part, or even if it was just her and me, literally every time I pontificated on anything, demonstrating my knowledge, she metaphorically hit me on the head with a hammer. Every time.
I once made the statement, which I know to be true and can prove, that the Bible can be compressed to fit on one of those old floppies. In the middle of a light-hearted conversation, Sarita turns to me and with this flat, ugly, scowl, and says, "I don't believe you." All rude, and with a "harrumph" like tone. Everyone in the conversation was so taken aback that the whole tone of the group changed and everyone stood there and looked at her in puzzlement. Again, it was like the Tasmanian Devil had shown up.
I just looked at her. Could I prove what I was saying ? Sure? Did I? Hell no. Sarita is clearly not a worthy adversary - not worthy of my time and energy. And that is an important point to make about dealing with these people. DO NOT ENGAGE THEM. I could very easily have pointed Sarita to the website and the software that does this. (I had worked for the company!) But I knew I was above this. You must learn, working with people like this do not take anything they say personally, because nothing they say or do is because of you. And you are better than having to prove yourself. If you were not a formidable enemy for them, if you were not a threat to them, they would not be picking on you. Let that be your beacon. Don't try to prove anything - as I didn't. (Neither did I let on that I knew she had not ever been asked to be promoted. I don't think she ever knew that I knew that was a lie.)What these people say and do is a projection of their own failings, their own never-realized dreams. Be immune to their opinions and actions. There is absolutely no reason to be the victim of suffering at the hands of such obvious failures in life.
The daily insults at the hands of this person were inane, and she eventually ended up literally emptying out the whole department.
Now I grant you, this was a very sick company overall and Sarita's case was extreme. In all my years of working, and I mean this literally, I have never come across a person as malevolent, evil, manipulative morose and hateful as Sarita. I truly have not. (I will note that in Sarita's case, I was engaged to be married at the time and Sarita's husband had left her for a woman 20 years younger. This could not have helped my case with her!) I say that so as not to scare you; really there are not usually pe0ople in the workforce THIS bad. But her case, as the absolute outside extreme, is illustrative. It points up many of the common problems in dealing with those who have missed the mark in their career. They are older than they should be for their position and they know it, and now here you come , younger, and in a third of the time (lifetime, working years) you have accomplished more than they have, so they are jealous, and are going to unleash all their self-hate on you.
In any other company, a Sarita would have been fired speaking to her boss that way. But Sarita knew the lay of the land at that very dysfunctional company and knew she could get away with it. Indeed, she probably was half hoping to get fired so that she could collect unemployment. She probably had little to lose, as she had been married before and had a house in a nice area which was probably paid for. And what would she lose? A paltry salary in a job that was more like one a person would have in their early 20's? (Note that one of the other writers WAS in her early 20's and made more than Sarita. Way more! )
You will notice an obsession in the Over the Hill Villain. An obsession for all the objects of her jealousy. She behaved the same way with the, also younger than she, senior tech writer. (Who also earned way more than she died.) On one occasion she wrote him an email saying to "Shut up." (!)You will notice them following you around, putting themselves into your conversations, and the like.
Here is another Sarita example: On one occasion, I rightfully admonished a marketing person not to worry about not understanding a certain feature of MS Word, as it was known to be one that is difficult to work with. Sarita's desk was nearby and she was sitting there and could hear. She literally JUMPED out of her seat and stuck herself in the middle of the conversation , exclaiming, "What? What? I got it to work! I got it to work! " with this challenging tone to her voice, just as she had done with the statement I had made regarding the software. Now what she obviously THOUGHT was that I had tried this feature and could not get it t work, and she had gotten it to work so he had FINALLY found SOMETHING she could do that I could not. It was similar to the smirk in my interview.
What she didn't know is that I knew what I knew not from just personal, personalized experience, but from working on a longitudinal study that analyzed the two tools MS Word and an Adobe product. This study had been undertaken over 2 years and had culminated in a 50 page document. Moreover, there is a tech writing "authority' listener with over 10,000 tech writers on it, where this feature was regularly discussed by heavyweights who all knew that it was known as a feature that was user unfriendly. So I did not and was not basing what I knew on personal experience which would mean nothing. Ironically, that day, with Sarita jumping up and down like that, the very study was right in my cabinet the very one she was attempting to shout over. I could have easily shut her up and handed the study to her. But I let her go on, making an idiot of herself.
I tell you quite honestly, her jumping up and down that day, butting into my conversation, was truly reminiscent of a little girl finally accomplishing riding her bike with no training wheel s, shouting at her mother, "Watch me mommy! Watch me ride the bike!! I can do it all by myself!' Poor Sarita. She just HAD to get recognition, and her pitiful way to do it was to try to 'take me down a peg' (which she failed at).
So once again, she was wrong, and I could easily point her to the research or other proof showing it - I had the completed research analysis right in my credenza. But I was way past that. I would also venture to say that, if she did not know this tidbit, this casts doubts on HER ability in this field. But as I stated before, I didn't lower myself to her level to prove anything to her. She did not know, and I did, what a fool she was making herself out to be, and how pitiful she appeared. She thought that she could/had scored a point by finding something she could do that she thought I could not, and she could not resist the chance to try to "one up" me. And I smiled inside knowing that I knew I was right and could prove is. Unbeknownst to her, my knowledge far surpassed just personalizing it with my own experience. She had tried so hard to discredit me but wound up just making a fool of herself. That evening I discussed this incident with a colleague who is an icon in the field, and he cracked up laughing. He stated "If she doesn't even know that this MS Word feature is known for being user unfriendly - boy - she really doesn't know anything." The key with the Over the Hill Villain is : DON'T ENGAGE.
One final "take you down a peg" maneuver was, I walked in the ladies room foyer and she was in there, and she stops me with this half evil half smirk smile and asks me if what my boss had written about my background was true, implying that it was fabricated. Again - note the obsession with the object of her jealousy. Butting into conversations, and now, even stopping me in the bathroom! This is typical of the Over the Hill Villain. I could not even take a leak I peace! I laughed in her face and turned around and walked out. But analyze that. I was such an important person to her that she was spending literally what seemed to be every working and probably every waking moment trying to catch me in something where she could prove I was wrong somehow. Find out where I had failed at something. Find some chink in the armor. This type of onslaught requires an enormous amount of energy. And time. And mental resources. I was just that important to her - going all the way back to the interview when I didn't even know her. (One key sign of jealousy is that the attacks start when the person does not even know you. This is a true sign that it has nothing to do with anything you said or did, because they didn't even know you. Remember that as a sign of workplace jealousy. You will see it often.)
So What Does This Mean
Sarita's case was a bit extreme but it has all the elements of an Over the Hill Villain. Even among secure people, which Over the Hill Villains are clearly not, there are characteristic things that go through one's mind as they age. Your face looks older each day. Time is running out. Fewer mates want you. You see your possibilities in life get ever narrower. You no longer have your whole life ahead of you. There are things you wanted to achieve and didn't. And more and more people are in the workplace that are younger than you are. And this takes a huge toll on the ego of those with low-self-esteem. (The secure people of the world use it as their spring board to get going and achieve.)
Remember that the Sarita's of the world are lost in their own personal tragedies. You need not lower yourself to engage with them. Smile knowingly at them and on the inside; you need only bask in the knowledge that it is only because you have achieved so much that they are your adversary. Know that you have it together, and they, at least in their own minds, do not - and they know it.
When we like ourselves, we see good reflected back at us. When we don't like ourselves, we see bad reflected back at us. People like Sarita are a thousand times more critical of themselves than they are of you. It is like the glass half full glass half empty thing. It is the same glass. Why the two totally different perspectives? It is because when we look at things, we are always putting a little bit of ourselves into what we perceive. We filter everything we see. For Sarita to attempt to parade around like she had found so much wrong with me is nothing more than a statement about the filter with which she views the herself. That's why the old folks say "What you think of other says a lot more about you than it does about them." Or better yet, "You spot it you got it."
The Lesson
If you meet up with people way older than the position they should be in for their age, take this as a cautionary tale. If they have not gone far, and at the same time they are quite intelligent, something is wrong inside - an emotional/psycho social problem. You, having gotten farther ,will be a major threat. They won't attack it in themselves- they will attack it in you. But you don't have to lower yourself to their level, and you have nothing to prove to them. They are the little people of the world.
Probably the most sinister of people you will encounter in your working life is the person I call the "Over the Hill Villain." Now first of all let me clarify: the Over the Hill Villain" need not be over the hill by society's standards. He or she (and it is usually a she, but there are some he's out there) can be in their late 20s, on up to retirement age. The point is, they feel over the hill, inside, and they come to work and take it out on everyone else. This person is perhaps the saddest of all the Villains. The reason is, all of this is inside of them, and nothing more than a manifestation of all their fears, insecurities, and inner feelings of failure.
As we age, many more things go through our heads than ever before. We start to see, hear, live and experience the world in ways we did not before because it becomes more and more painful as we get older and see that the dreams we have always had, plans we have always had, are as yet unrealized at whatever age. We may have always dreamed that we would be the CEO or the VP. We may have thought surely we would be a top executive with a big office, making decisions and having tons of people reporting to us. We may have thought we would have tremendous financial success with much more money than we needed. Or perhaps we imagined ourselves a pillar of society, which accolades galore, our names in publications and all over the Internet, as having made our mark in some way or another.
Those of us with the inner security to truly believe in our ability to succeed, eventually do. Our lives tend to follow a bumpy but upward spiral. Sure we have setbacks, but with inner security about oneself, one succeeds. As the years go by those who truly like themselves, who have something to offer and are secure inside typically move up. If we don't ever make it to positions of power, we at least move up progressively. And this is gratifying after having worked hard to get your degree and achieve a station in life.
Unfortunately, for the Over the Hill Villain, this does not describe the life path. Far from it. For reasons almost never having to do with a lack of intelligence, but rather having to do with inner failings and lack of self-esteem, compounded by setbacks he or she may have experienced along the way, the Over the Hill Villain never seems to get but so far in life. They look up and they are 35, 40, 48 years old, and where are they? Nowhere. In a low level position. Earning very little. In their eyes and from what they can tell, to the eyes of the world, a veritable failure.
What is sad about this type of villain is that, they do often have genuine talent and intelligence. They did get a degree. They did get hired by a Fortune 500 or 100 or 50 company. They did move from job to job when they wanted. But the years "gained on them."
Sarita
To illustrate this point, I am going to discuss a workplace villain of this category whom I'll call Sarita. This person and these circumstances typify the central problem and tragedy of the villain of this type. A truly sad, sad case.
Sarita and I met working for a Fortune 100 company in Southern California. I was hired from the outside to lead a group of writers. At that time I was just barely past 35. Sarita to look at her would have almost passed for 65 (I would later learn she was 48). Her face was tired and worn. She had wrinkles galore. Her normal face was that of a frown. She looked haggard and she seldom smiled. In my interview, which was a group interview, I remember that I could not answer one of the questions, and I distinctly remember that a look of glee and a devilish smile came over her face - like she delighted in that I flubbed at least SOMETHING. I sometimes wonder if she knows I caught that. Here is a woman who does not know me from Adam or Eve and she is gloating, as if happy that she found something that I could not answer, or some other, what she perceived to be a "failing." Think about that: jealous of a person she does not even know.
Well my interview overall must have gone well because I got the job, and became her boss. But then, oh boy, did the problems ever start.
In true Over the Hill Villain fashion, her attack of me began almost from day one. The first point I will mention is that, notice that there was a cadre of staff there, of which she was clearly the oldest , A supervisory position opens up, and not one of them were to be promoted. Wouldn't you think she would have gotten it? As the oldest? Instead they hired from outside.
Very shortly after I began there, I asked my boss for the personnel records of the previous manager whom I will call Marcia. The male on the team's folder stated that he had indicated an interest in being promoted but that for certain reasons she did not feel he was ready. The second staff member was going on to law school and leaving the company. And now on to the Over the Hill Villain, Sarita. The record stated that Sarita had not even been considered for the position. It stated that she did a good job at the writing, and always made deadlines but that she was not considered for that position, and that it was probably best for her to continue on doing writing. Reading the files, it was then that I learned that Sarita was the Junior Writer of the team and paid the lowest- by far. God, how sad. Here is a person 48 years old, and good at what she does, but not for a minute considered for promotion, and working as the junior member of the team. The Directors there were her age - some of them younger! Why was Sarita where she was in life? Why would a person of her obvious intelligence and ability accept a position as a junior writer? Sarita did not like herself, did not believe in herself, so that despite being intelligent, had achieved almost nothing in life, and she knew it.
It was not long after I began there that Sarita began, almost daily, throwing stones, which culminated in the first of many showdowns with her in front of the Manager. During this meeting, before I had even much stated my case, she blurts out " I didn't and don't want your job. Marcia offered it to me and I did not want it. Just so you know." Now, I had already read everyone's personnel files. I and the manager knew that was a bold-faced lie. She had not even been asked. This is common to all Over the Hill Villains. They will manipulate, lie, and interestingly enough they will always, in so doing, give you a clue to what is upsetting them. She blurted this out very early in this meeting - when o one had accused her of envying my position. It was almost like she was trying to prove it to herself. The truth was, I was where she wanted to be. She wanted to be in my position. She had wanted to be in my position way back 15 years ago. But where was she?
And there lies the whole crux of the problem. Sarita, in looking at me, was looking at a mirror image of herself, and seeing herself as she was: Severely lacking in many ways which caused her to have missed the mark in her career. She had accomplished less than ½ of what I had in 15 years more of working.
This is the central clue to working with the Over the Hill Villain. As the years go by, we look around - all of us do, and say "My God, I still never did open a business of my own, " or, "I never did go back and get that second degree." Or 'I still have not moved into management." And it hurts. We are increasingly confronted with our own mortality and realize that it is getting later and later. All those dreams never realized are less able to be realized each day. Then, with all this turmoil going on inside, feeling increasingly like a failure as each day goes by, we find ourselves in the workplace with someone YOUNGER who is now our boss! Talk about an ego blower! This was Sarita's problem. And this is the central problem with every Over the Hill Villain. You are younger, and you have done it. They are older and they haven't. They are upset with themselves but they can't attack it in themselves so they project all this turmoil onto you and attack it in you.
This is how the manifestations of it arise. The manipulating, the lying.
Sarita like all Over the Hill Villains, was relentless. Every day became a stage upon which she would attempt to work out what she disliked about herself. It was really pathetic. It became particularly bad when my seat was moved to a manager's seat. Then all hell broke loose. I had a credenza and huge area, and larger space - fit for a manager. You would have thought the Tasmanian Devil had been loosed. Literally every time I pontificated on anything, Sarita would stick herself in the middle of the conversation and attempt to insult me. The theme was always the same. "I am going to take you down a peg." In fact, I came to notice that, in any group of which she and I were a part, or even if it was just her and me, literally every time I pontificated on anything, demonstrating my knowledge, she metaphorically hit me on the head with a hammer. Every time.
I once made the statement, which I know to be true and can prove, that the Bible can be compressed to fit on one of those old floppies. In the middle of a light-hearted conversation, Sarita turns to me and with this flat, ugly, scowl, and says, "I don't believe you." All rude, and with a "harrumph" like tone. Everyone in the conversation was so taken aback that the whole tone of the group changed and everyone stood there and looked at her in puzzlement. Again, it was like the Tasmanian Devil had shown up.
I just looked at her. Could I prove what I was saying ? Sure? Did I? Hell no. Sarita is clearly not a worthy adversary - not worthy of my time and energy. And that is an important point to make about dealing with these people. DO NOT ENGAGE THEM. I could very easily have pointed Sarita to the website and the software that does this. (I had worked for the company!) But I knew I was above this. You must learn, working with people like this do not take anything they say personally, because nothing they say or do is because of you. And you are better than having to prove yourself. If you were not a formidable enemy for them, if you were not a threat to them, they would not be picking on you. Let that be your beacon. Don't try to prove anything - as I didn't. (Neither did I let on that I knew she had not ever been asked to be promoted. I don't think she ever knew that I knew that was a lie.)What these people say and do is a projection of their own failings, their own never-realized dreams. Be immune to their opinions and actions. There is absolutely no reason to be the victim of suffering at the hands of such obvious failures in life.
The daily insults at the hands of this person were inane, and she eventually ended up literally emptying out the whole department.
Now I grant you, this was a very sick company overall and Sarita's case was extreme. In all my years of working, and I mean this literally, I have never come across a person as malevolent, evil, manipulative morose and hateful as Sarita. I truly have not. (I will note that in Sarita's case, I was engaged to be married at the time and Sarita's husband had left her for a woman 20 years younger. This could not have helped my case with her!) I say that so as not to scare you; really there are not usually pe0ople in the workforce THIS bad. But her case, as the absolute outside extreme, is illustrative. It points up many of the common problems in dealing with those who have missed the mark in their career. They are older than they should be for their position and they know it, and now here you come , younger, and in a third of the time (lifetime, working years) you have accomplished more than they have, so they are jealous, and are going to unleash all their self-hate on you.
In any other company, a Sarita would have been fired speaking to her boss that way. But Sarita knew the lay of the land at that very dysfunctional company and knew she could get away with it. Indeed, she probably was half hoping to get fired so that she could collect unemployment. She probably had little to lose, as she had been married before and had a house in a nice area which was probably paid for. And what would she lose? A paltry salary in a job that was more like one a person would have in their early 20's? (Note that one of the other writers WAS in her early 20's and made more than Sarita. Way more! )
You will notice an obsession in the Over the Hill Villain. An obsession for all the objects of her jealousy. She behaved the same way with the, also younger than she, senior tech writer. (Who also earned way more than she died.) On one occasion she wrote him an email saying to "Shut up." (!)You will notice them following you around, putting themselves into your conversations, and the like.
Here is another Sarita example: On one occasion, I rightfully admonished a marketing person not to worry about not understanding a certain feature of MS Word, as it was known to be one that is difficult to work with. Sarita's desk was nearby and she was sitting there and could hear. She literally JUMPED out of her seat and stuck herself in the middle of the conversation , exclaiming, "What? What? I got it to work! I got it to work! " with this challenging tone to her voice, just as she had done with the statement I had made regarding the software. Now what she obviously THOUGHT was that I had tried this feature and could not get it t work, and she had gotten it to work so he had FINALLY found SOMETHING she could do that I could not. It was similar to the smirk in my interview.
What she didn't know is that I knew what I knew not from just personal, personalized experience, but from working on a longitudinal study that analyzed the two tools MS Word and an Adobe product. This study had been undertaken over 2 years and had culminated in a 50 page document. Moreover, there is a tech writing "authority' listener with over 10,000 tech writers on it, where this feature was regularly discussed by heavyweights who all knew that it was known as a feature that was user unfriendly. So I did not and was not basing what I knew on personal experience which would mean nothing. Ironically, that day, with Sarita jumping up and down like that, the very study was right in my cabinet the very one she was attempting to shout over. I could have easily shut her up and handed the study to her. But I let her go on, making an idiot of herself.
I tell you quite honestly, her jumping up and down that day, butting into my conversation, was truly reminiscent of a little girl finally accomplishing riding her bike with no training wheel s, shouting at her mother, "Watch me mommy! Watch me ride the bike!! I can do it all by myself!' Poor Sarita. She just HAD to get recognition, and her pitiful way to do it was to try to 'take me down a peg' (which she failed at).
So once again, she was wrong, and I could easily point her to the research or other proof showing it - I had the completed research analysis right in my credenza. But I was way past that. I would also venture to say that, if she did not know this tidbit, this casts doubts on HER ability in this field. But as I stated before, I didn't lower myself to her level to prove anything to her. She did not know, and I did, what a fool she was making herself out to be, and how pitiful she appeared. She thought that she could/had scored a point by finding something she could do that she thought I could not, and she could not resist the chance to try to "one up" me. And I smiled inside knowing that I knew I was right and could prove is. Unbeknownst to her, my knowledge far surpassed just personalizing it with my own experience. She had tried so hard to discredit me but wound up just making a fool of herself. That evening I discussed this incident with a colleague who is an icon in the field, and he cracked up laughing. He stated "If she doesn't even know that this MS Word feature is known for being user unfriendly - boy - she really doesn't know anything." The key with the Over the Hill Villain is : DON'T ENGAGE.
One final "take you down a peg" maneuver was, I walked in the ladies room foyer and she was in there, and she stops me with this half evil half smirk smile and asks me if what my boss had written about my background was true, implying that it was fabricated. Again - note the obsession with the object of her jealousy. Butting into conversations, and now, even stopping me in the bathroom! This is typical of the Over the Hill Villain. I could not even take a leak I peace! I laughed in her face and turned around and walked out. But analyze that. I was such an important person to her that she was spending literally what seemed to be every working and probably every waking moment trying to catch me in something where she could prove I was wrong somehow. Find out where I had failed at something. Find some chink in the armor. This type of onslaught requires an enormous amount of energy. And time. And mental resources. I was just that important to her - going all the way back to the interview when I didn't even know her. (One key sign of jealousy is that the attacks start when the person does not even know you. This is a true sign that it has nothing to do with anything you said or did, because they didn't even know you. Remember that as a sign of workplace jealousy. You will see it often.)
So What Does This Mean
Sarita's case was a bit extreme but it has all the elements of an Over the Hill Villain. Even among secure people, which Over the Hill Villains are clearly not, there are characteristic things that go through one's mind as they age. Your face looks older each day. Time is running out. Fewer mates want you. You see your possibilities in life get ever narrower. You no longer have your whole life ahead of you. There are things you wanted to achieve and didn't. And more and more people are in the workplace that are younger than you are. And this takes a huge toll on the ego of those with low-self-esteem. (The secure people of the world use it as their spring board to get going and achieve.)
Remember that the Sarita's of the world are lost in their own personal tragedies. You need not lower yourself to engage with them. Smile knowingly at them and on the inside; you need only bask in the knowledge that it is only because you have achieved so much that they are your adversary. Know that you have it together, and they, at least in their own minds, do not - and they know it.
When we like ourselves, we see good reflected back at us. When we don't like ourselves, we see bad reflected back at us. People like Sarita are a thousand times more critical of themselves than they are of you. It is like the glass half full glass half empty thing. It is the same glass. Why the two totally different perspectives? It is because when we look at things, we are always putting a little bit of ourselves into what we perceive. We filter everything we see. For Sarita to attempt to parade around like she had found so much wrong with me is nothing more than a statement about the filter with which she views the herself. That's why the old folks say "What you think of other says a lot more about you than it does about them." Or better yet, "You spot it you got it."
The Lesson
If you meet up with people way older than the position they should be in for their age, take this as a cautionary tale. If they have not gone far, and at the same time they are quite intelligent, something is wrong inside - an emotional/psycho social problem. You, having gotten farther ,will be a major threat. They won't attack it in themselves- they will attack it in you. But you don't have to lower yourself to their level, and you have nothing to prove to them. They are the little people of the world.
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