The Truth In My Face

Sun in my face
Moon on my back
You in my mind,
In my heart
And in my soul
And I refuse to let you go
Shocked by your presence
You made me weak
Unable to speak
Unable to see
Unable to breath
Because here you are next to me
Causing me great pain
That makes me think I might go insane
Why did you leave?
Why didn’t I speak?
No one knows these answers to the questions I seek, no one but me
Regretting how I didn’t look into your eyes just one more time
The truth in my face the past behind me
You beside me
And still I can’t look into your face
From the shame I feel
From when I closed my eyes
Sealed my lips
And you sat in that chair
And all I felt was sadness and despair
When I saw the tears run down your cheeks
You thought I didn’t see but I saw everything I didn’t wanna see
I saw you wheel yourself into that room and I just wanted to die cuz I knew you was gonna die way to soon.
I wanted 2 see you
I just didn’t want to see you in that chair in that place
That place of death and sickness
When I got that glimpse of you I knew it was over your life, my life, there life
But I didn’t want no one 2tell me you was gone, no longer with me, no longer near me, no longer would you hear me or would I hear you or worse no longer would you hear them and see them
And I didn’t want 2 tell them there’s no coming back from there
And they said "where?" and I just pointed up in the clouds somewhere and said "there"
Now they’re a decade old and you’ve been gone about a decade ago
Reality sets in
Past goes back den I refuse to deal with all this
But yet I refuse 2 quit
So reality is what I lack
Regret is all I have
And you so far from me yet so close I get nervous from da fact I gotta move on and stop living in da past
I just wish I could get that one special hug and all your special love that you gave me so long ago
2 be precise 10years ago I cried 4 you internally cuz I feared I would look weak and I feared I’d embarrass you in front of da family if I cried, so I cried late at night
When grandma would tuck me in tight
Every night I’d ask God why
"God why?"
Until one night I stopped being selfish and I was happy
That you was free because you taught me how 2 be me and taught me how admitting the truth 2 myself will set me free