The Trolls

The beginning.

Once upon a time there were two trolls. Their names were Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe. They were brothers born just minutes apart, two minutes and forty five seconds to be exact, and they were inseparable from the start.

The trolls were a little wider than humans and little shorter, a little furrier and from head to toe in love with children. Their wide faces almost always covered in huge smiles, they were a cuddly sight. Big noses dominated a face framed by red cheeks.
Their long arms were almost always elegantly and gracefully moving about in various directions.
Skittering amongst the bushes in order to escape humans, they had been used to living amongst themselves in protection of people.
The trolls, however, were sweet and funny and very, very gentle. They wore a ring or two, an earring or a bracelet and their clothes were almost always homemade, their boots created from the wood and cloth. Their most proud feature was their tail. It was their personality and troll's tail was a troll's joy.
Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe's father Bull had once said:

"Remember, boys, how versatile your tail is. It can serve as a skipping rope or a paintbrush and you can even sweep the floor with it. A troll's tail mirrors the mood he is in. A happy tail sits on a happy troll! Remember that, boys!"

Uggel-Guggel was the smarter one of the two brothers, faster and quicker in the draw. Klampe-Lampe was a slow boy, but his heart as was warm as it was happy and he had a fondness for flowers and little furry animals. Oh, yes. His feet were too big. Had Fats Waller lived at the time when these trolls were roaming about the forest, then his song "Your Feet's Too Big" would've been written about Klampe Lampe. In fact, he kept on stumbling over his feet all the time. That is how he received his clumpety-lumpety name.

These two magical creatures named Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe lived in an equally magical forest named the Barucka Bergen from the Swedish word meaning the Barucka Mountains. The region lay way up north in Sweden and had been named after the grandmother of all the trolls.

Her name was Lulli Barucka and she was 600 years old. She sat on top of her cliff all day long and combed her long hair and sang songs all day. One hymn was especially beautiful and it was the one she loved singing the most:

"When troll grandma put her babies to bed
And ties their tails all together,
She sings so softly for eleven little trolls
The sweetest words that she knows:
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff -Buff!
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff -Buff!"

This chant was also the most valid protection against the evil magician Abra-Kadabra. He lived at the edge of his forest and concocted strange plans to destroy the trolls and eliminate their future.
Lulli always gave all trolls the finest and wisest advice in their quest to fight the evil wizard. You never knew what he might be up to.
There was another magician, a good one. His name was Doctor Miracle. It was told by the trolls that he had been human once, but a magic chant had made him into a half man and half troll. So, he had been chosen to move to the forest and live with the trolls. Uggel and Klampe were 150 years old and relatively young trolls in the forest and Lulli and Miracle were 600 years old.

It was rumored that the two had been lovebirds and had even been engaged to be married. Now, they just flirted with one another. They knew, however, that their fate was to guard the trolls and protect them from their own little place in the twilight zone.
Love took a back seat.
Miracle lived in a cave with his animals. They were his friends and occasionally they would behave badly. Alexander P. Miracle had to reprimand them. Miracle in his aim to teach them languages gave them a possibility to say their names in two languages. So, Rålle Råtta's became Rolly the Rat, Ormen Ottilia became Snake Ottilia, Spirre Spindel Spirre the Spider, Gulliga Grodan Gudrun the cute frog Gudrun and Pelle Padda became Pelle the toad.
He had loads of magic serums, a magic bathtub, magic and rotten bananas that could cure and do the most amazing things except make soup.

These are a collection of the most exciting adventures of the two trolls, retold by Gun Kronzell to her beloved son Charlie.

The Trolls leave for Outer Space

One day, it was a Sunday, the two trolls wandered about the forest. With nothing better to do, they decided on visit in their good friend Doctor Miracle's cave.
As they entered, he sat on a stone outside the cave and hummed unintelligible phrases to himself, as was his custom when he was thinking. Klampe convinced Uggel to stop picking berries and go and join him. Uggel then said that may be they should wait until he was finished and then join him. Never disturb a wise man when he is thinking, Uggel told Klampe.

Well, of course Miracle was happy to see the trolls again after all this time. They had been on a trip to the far away land of Mesopotatia and spoke at length about their encounters with the most famous literary legends like Frankenstein and Dracula, Huckelberry Finn and Winnie the Pooh.
Very soon the three began to speak of old times. The brothers were very curious fellows and asked their friend to tell them about their parents. Miracle told them of his memories of Bull and Drulla and how kind they had been.

Their ancestors included the old drunk troll Dunkeliklunk and the acrobatic troll Kulleribytta. Others were the troll with the potato nose named Potatissa and his cute wife Tussilago. They were amazing trolls and quite friendly, but always very afraid of humans. Bulleribong had been the loudest troll of all with her collection of big drums. Many trolls still graced the forest and its' many nooks and crannies, but there were fewer trolls these days and something had to be done. The question was what?

It was a quiet evening and the crickets were the only creatures to disturb that peace. In fact, the crickets even added to that peace, as they were humming a tune about the grass and the leaves in the trees. The trolls were bored and so they asked Miracle if he had a cure for boredom. He said that he had something that would do just the trick: his magic bathtub.

Klampe at once asked Miracle what on Earth that was.
You could make it fly, you could sail on the ocean, use it as a submarine or even sleep in it. One thing was not possible: bathing in it. The water would spoil the magic and turn it into a normal bathtub.
It was a very special vehicle and Miracle told the trolls that his gift was to be handled with care. They promised to take care of his bathtub and return it safely in due time.
The first stop was apparent: the cosmos.

They soon came across a ship that called itself the Enterprise. A very troll like creature named Mr. Spock was there to greet them and Klampe asked him where he had hid his tail. He told them that he was from the planet Vulcan and his mission was to learn more about alien creatures. The trolls became Spock's new best friends.
The trolls were, however, quite confused. The evil wizard Abra Kadabra suddenly appeared and told them to press the yellow button on the display control. Was this a trick?
Sometimes, the wizard was in a good mood and decided to help the trolls. The result was a faster speed and the captain asked them to stay away from the console. He did ask them about their bathtub, though, and a new companionship was born.
They were allowed to join the group of travelers only because of their amazing and exotic appearance and their magic bathtub. Soon enough, they became the main advisors of the space ship.

The first visit was to a planet called The Evil Ant Planet. Here former humans lived their lives as ants and were able to turn into humans only once every week. The evil wizard had turned them into ants and there was no way of knowing how to actually turn this spell around. What they discovered, however, was that these men and women had never ever received love and only love could cure them. Finally, that became the cure for their curse.
Only the love of the trolls could heal them. When they did adore these creatures they turned into the most wonderful creatures. Klampe was especially happy to meet the planet's children now that they were not beasts anymore.

The space ship soon traveled on to a great planet where a bear like king named Bakimbe ruled the world. He was so impressed with Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe that he invited them to stay in his big palace for good.
The Enterprise flew on and left the trolls with the king. Bakimbe was blissfully interested in their home forest on Earth, so he convinced the trolls to lead them home. He saddled his flying camels and brought his drums of honey home to the Baruckas.

They were welcomed with grace and soon there was a party in the forest. All the trolls loved Bakimbe and his tasty honey. The party ended with everyone rolling around on the ground and licking honey off the ground.
In order to celebrate having found a new friend, the trolls took the magic bathtub again into outer space and this time to a planet that was said to habitat talking flowers. It was bright planet with loads of sunny paths and meadows with yellow flowers. One of these flowers was a pretty dandelion, who wanted nothing else than to come to the troll cave and talk to the trolls for good.

They took the flower home and Klampe could speak of nothing else except of how happy he was in having another new friend.
To his devastation, the flower stopped talking when they arrived at the cave. Many sleepless nights were endured before they realized that the flower now only spoke one hour a week at midday Monday.
That hour now became a sacred moment, when all the trolls in the forest gathered around the window pane in order to listen to the flower speak about his life in outer space.
The trolls had a new friend: a flower.

The Trolls in School

The trolls had now been to outer space, but they longed to become more human and so they decided to do something about that. They were still afraid of humans, mind you, but actually learning more about human nature was something that they knew they would enjoy. Doctor Miracle advised them to go see the evil magician Abra Kadabra. He was a bad boy, but when asked to perform a trick he turned into someone one could trust. When it came to turning someone into a human, he was pretty good. He had some good days now and then and he had even been seen laughing lately. Maybe he could help them become human boys - for a while, anyway. Miracle would keep an eye on him.
Petrified of the effects of the wizard's wrath, they knocked on the gate of the evil palace with their shivering troll fingers. Abra opened the door, eating a sandwich and smiling.
Stuttering, they explained what they wanted and when they responded the magician shrugged and nodded after a moment's thought.

"Alakazoola, Alakatoys, turn these furry fellows into cute little boys! Whoosh!"

Soon enough, they had turned into little boys.
One problem remained, though. Their tails. The wizard could not make their tails disappear. They would have to hide them.
They enrolled in a school as Ulf Guggel and Karl Klampe, but with hidden tails. The wizard kept on peeking through the window and telling them to hide their tails. They did come in handy, though, as pens and as skipping rope and what have you.
It didn't take long before it was discovered that the two new boys in class were in fact trolls. The discovery was a joy for all and the two brothers became the star pupils of the establishment.
One of their finest experiences was on an outing with the other kids from school having fun in an ice skating rink. Here they discovered their good pal Charlie, who was here with his own friends from his own school class. Being very impressed with Charlie's skills as an athlete, Klampe and Uggel took lessons from him and became quite extraordinary athletes themselves.

How the Trolls saved Christmas

Soon enough, though, the trolls had had enough of being human. The evil wizard then did what he did best: transform the brothers back to being trolls and start teasing them with his evil tricks. The trolls then could go back to what they also did best: call the wizard a spitting cow and get into trouble with his wrath.
Abra Kadabra very quickly grew tired of chasing them and the brothers ended up thanking him for his help. He nodded and growled a bit, closing the door behind him in his big castle and finished eating his sandwich.
The other trolls in the forest were so inspired by the tales of being human school boys that they also all wanted to go to school. A troll school was founded and good old Doctor Miracle was the principal. Charlie's favorite stuffed bear Bamse was one of the teachers in animalology.
Now, Christmas was around the corner and the boys needed presents for the rest of the trolls. Klampe created a zoo made of pine combs on toothpicks resembling animals. Uggel wrote a song for Doctor Miracle called "Wow, what a Fellah".

Christmas Eve came, but still there was no sign of Santa. His visit was the corner stone of every Christmas celebration. The trolls began looking for him. Maybe he had fallen into a ditch and hurt himself. They wandered onto the roads of the edge of then forest and even dared walk past the border into the human world, but still there was no sign of good old Saint Nick.
Before giving up totally, Klampe wanted to take one last look in the snowy ditch beyond the forest. His intuition served him well. Santa was there and Rudolph was trying his best to rattle himself out of the ditch, but in vain.
Santa had broken his leg.

Well, of course, the trolls were devastated.
Not for their own sakes, but for all the children who were going to miss receiving gifts this Christmas. The trolls loved children, you see. Uggel suggested that, since such was the case, they could let Santa sleep in their furry bed in the cave and get well. All the while, they could put on Santa costumes and hand out the presents.
Well, Santa was overjoyed. Christmas had been saved.

The two trolls parted ways and grabbed presents. Half of the gifts were given to Uggel and half was assigned in Klampe's eager, furry fingers. The brothers had never seen such joy. They rarely had chance in meet children, being quite recluse beings. Now, however, they were in the hands of a thousand little souls who all loved them. The human boys were given cars and the girls were given dolls. There were lollipops and books and doll houses and guitars and lots of love.

"Are there any nice children here?"
The sentence now had a completely new meaning to them now.
Both trolls relished in seeing the children open the packages. This was heaven. So many children at once and now they didn't run away. They ran towards them and wanted more of their love.

Meanwhile, in Uggel and Klampe's cave Doctor Miracle fixed Santa's leg with his magic bananas. He maintained that Santa really had to lay still for a bit.
The trolls were both on their way and happily they sang about how wonderful it was being a troll. They always had to take heed of becoming too troll-like while delivering presents. After all, they were supposed to be Santa Clause and not furry forest funnies.
Then one time Klampe turned a wee bit too enthusiastic.
"Hello, little Santas, drink up your punch and go and buy some more pudding! I am a TROLL!"

Well, the people inside the house were very surprised to see a troll as Santa Clause. Luckily for him, though, it was the Moulton family. Herb, Gun and Charlie were there and they invited Klampe for a bowl of steaming hot punch and English fruit cake. Of course, Uggel came along as well. All of them ate turkey and ended up reading the great poem 'Twas the Night before Christmas.

Well, it had been a joy. Klampe and Uggel were invited to come back next Christmas and Charlie made sure that Klampe tell Santa to get better so he could come next year in one piece. Otherwise, Charlie might have to play Santa next year again. Santa was happily conversing with the other trolls when the brothers returned to the cave. He was merry and giddy as a troll. Boy, was he happy.
In fact, he stayed for another day before going on his way. His eight reindeer had spent a few days with the animals in the forest and the friends they had made among the owls and bears were pals for life.
Ah, the trolls of the forest were happy when they saw Santa fly off to his workshop.
This had been the best Christmas ever.

Meeting Jesus

The trolls were spiritual beings. They were compassionate beings and loved all creatures and so this Christmas, having been inspired by the Holy Spirit, they wanted to do something special.
What better thing could they do to show this than to honor Christ and pray to God?
Hmm. Doctor Miracle paced his cave and gave their request of doing something spiritual for Jesus a long, song-humming thought. The bathtub was also a time machine. All they had to do was think themselves somewhere and there they were. That was the answer.
Would they want to travel through time?

Yes, the trolls answered. They wanted to.
So, in they stepped and off they went into a rainbow colored tunnel of magic light.
Soon enough, they were in a field somewhere in the holy land sometime two thousand years ago. A star shone in the heavens above a small cave around fields a few paces away.

There were shepherds in these fields and they had fallen asleep next to their sheep. When they woke up, the trolls were there and greeted them. Under normal circumstances the shepherds would've been afraid of these furry creatures, but somehow their instinct now said that these trolls were good beings that were here to see a great soul being born to this world.
The angels that appeared in the heavens told them not to be afraid, for today the Son of God was being born and his light would shine in the sky would shine for all eternity.

"Glory to all mankind," the angels sang, "and peace to all mankind!"
Klampe was very moved.
"Wow, Uggel," he whispered, "amazing, astounding, stupendous, marvelous!"
Together with the shepherds, they now wandered over to the cave. There was a little crib inside the cavern with straw all around it. It was a simple grotto and very modestly furnished.
The campfire that was burning outside would've shed a bit of light on the crib, but the amazing thing was that the crib itself was emanating a light of its' own.

A beautiful woman was standing next to the crib. She was black haired and had slightly tanned skin. The look upon her face was one of motherly love and deep spiritual admiration.
The man had his hands folded and was smiling.
Behind them were donkeys and hens and cows and they, too, seemed to be smiling in some odd way.

The couple looked up at the entourage and smiled, as well.
The man, that was obviously the boy's father, waved at them to come in. Slowly and gently as could be, the trolls walked in and saw the little boy as he lay in his little bed of straw. It was innocence incarnated and it was obvious that this was the reborn good.
The trolls could not stop looking at this boy.
They sat down on the ground and meditated and prayed.

For two whole weeks they stayed with the family. There was not much said during these weeks, but they felt they had spoken enough in their hearts. They ate with the family, they sang with them, they slept next to them and the embraced them in their souls.
On the last day of their stay in the cave, three kings arrived from a foreign land. They claimed to be sent thereby a feeling that this was the day of salvation. The family were presented with three gifts: gold, frankincense and myrrh.

It was a beautiful sight to see the shepherds and the kings kneel in front of what must have been the savior of humankind.
When the kings left, so did the trolls. Their bathtub was still in the meadow waiting for them to arrive. So, the trolls stepped into their vehicle and took one last look at the star over the cave before taking off and flying back to their own time.
Once back in the Barucka forest again, they spent a day or two praying with the other trolls and thanking God for having experienced the birth of the saving grace of the soul of man.

The Flute

Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe, once back in their own time, were transformed. They prayed every day, blessed every troll they met and sang holy songs.
Klampe was especially touched by what he had seen.

Uggel spent lots of time building holy things and trying to fix up the cave to look really neat. It was a nice cave already that was made to look like a house. It even had a window. On the window pane the talking flower sat and waited for the hour when it could chatter again. Now, however, it became a holy place.
Whilst Klampe spent time practicing how to sing, hitting many wrong notes, Uggel repaired an old chair that Doctor Miracle had found in an old cupboard somewhere. The only problem was that he couldn't find the last leg of the chair. Man, where could it be?
He walked towards Klampe's corner of the cave and saw him desperately trying to learn how to sing.

Uggel shook his head and chuckled.
"Klampe," Uggel said. "I am popping over to Doctor Miracle to see if he has something I can use as a leg for my chair! I will be right back!"
"Uh-Huh," Klampe mumbled and continued to sing. "Twinkuhllll, Twinnnkööhl, Leetuhl Staaar."
Uggel quickly walked out of the cave and ran over to his old friend. An hour later he returned with many pieces of wood and Doctor Miracle's magic glue.
Uggel Guggel rummaged among the old pieces of wood in his basket, but all the pieces were either too long or too short or too thin or too thick.
Then, he did find something that he could use.
Hmm, Uggel thought, this looks nice. It was a flute. It was the right size, the right length, the right width. This great chair was perfect for Uggel and he really wanted to fix it.

"Shooterinos and farting peanuts," Uggel thought. "I cannot use a flute to repair a chair, can I?"
To solve this riddle, Uggel immediately headed for the door again and this time he let Klampe struggle through another song.
"Oh, Susannaaaahhh, dohn yeouu craaay foh meeee ..."
Doctor Miracle was in a really bad mood. His animals had kept him awake all night and he was trying to invent a wheelbarrow with a built-in lunchbox that opened itself when you sat it down.
It didn't work.
"Yes?" Miracle spat.
"It's me, Uggel."
"What do you want?" Miracle growled.
Uh-oh, Uggel thought. He is in a bad mood today.
"Can I use the flute I found as a leg for the chair you gave me?" Uggel asked.
Doctor Miracle looked up at Uggel and winced.

"What?"
Rolly Rat skidded across the floor and hit the other corner of the cave. Spirre Spider chased him back to the table and laughed as he found himself being tickled by Rolly.
Doctor Miracle stood up and shook his head in dismay.
"Come on, guys. Knock it off!"
Miracle shook his head.
"Uggel: I love you, but use a lollipop for all I care!"
Uggel walked out, baffled by this grumpiness.
Soon enough, he was gluing the flute with Miracle's Magic Glue and then leaving it to dry on the table. Uggel went to his furry bed and took a nap, completely forgetting about the flute and its' eventual purpose. All this running around had made him tired and all he could do was think of sleeping.

Meanwhile, Klampe had given up on his singing. Too many hours had been spent trying to connect the tone C to the tone G and the tone A with the tone B. Frustrated, he dragged himself into Uggel's room.
"Uggel, I just can't learn to sing. Why- ..."
He stopped speaking when he saw that Uggel was fast asleep.

"Typical. Just when I need him he falls asleep," Klampe mumbled and felt really sorry for himself.
Hey, wasn't that a flute?
What was that doing there?
Had Uggel put the flute there to give him a hint at what kind of an instrument he would be able to play some day?
Maybe that was his instrument?
Maybe the flute was the answer to all of his musical problems.
Lulli sang, Uggel played the harmonica, Miracle knew how to play the kazoo. Maybe, just maybe, the flute was his instrument. He was going to try. After all, he had nothing to loose.

Why did it shine and glow so? What was that sticky stuff on the mouthpiece? Ah, never mind. It was probably nothing important. Maybe, just maybe, you need to put sticky stuff on a flute before you play it. He took it in his mouth. He tried to blow into it. It made a sound. It made a good sound. Klampe laughed into his flute. Hey, this was cool. He was playing the flute.
"Uggel," he whistled.
Oh, no. He couldn't get the flute out of his mouth.
What was that on the flute?
The glue that Miracle said was impossible to take away from any object? Yes?
Oh, no.
He tried to pull it out.
No way. He couldn't, no matter how hard he tried.
He slumped down into his fur ball, a cozy corner that he made for himself made of grass and leaves and sheep's wool.

Uggel spoke.
"Klampe, is that you?"
Klampe blew once in the flute.
Uggel opened his eyes. "You didn't!"
Klampe nodded and blew a note into the flute.
"You did?"
Uggel sat up in bed.
"I was going to use that flute for my chair."
Klampe stood up and tried to speak, but all that came out was a toot-too-te-root.
"Whhzzo uzzzs z fluzzt frzz z chzzrlzg?"

What he meant to say was: "Who uses a flute as a chair leg?"
Uggel shrugged. "You could be speaking Chinese."
Klampe slumped down into the fur ball again and sighed. He started crying. Uggel walked up and put his arm around Klampe.
"There, there," he said, "we will solve this."
So, off they went to Doctor Miracle.
He was still sitting and trying to fit this automatic lunch box into the whellbarrow. He looked up.
When he saw Klampe with the flute in his mouth, he chuckled.
"Well, dance on my tummy and give me cherries for breakfast," he sing songed. "If it isn't the harmless brothers."

"Doctor Miracle," Uggel said. "I know you are in a bad mood today, but Klampe really has tried badly to become a musician. He accidentally put the flute in his mouth. The flute I wanted to use for my chair."
"What was he singing that made him want to try the flute instead?" Miracle chirped, knowing quite well that Klampe had been practicing his vocal talents.

"Twinkle, Twinkle little star," Uggel said. "I think."
Miracle walked up to Klampe. "Dear boy, dear boy."
He patted Klampe on the back and then walked away, waving his hand toward Klampe to sit down on the couch.
"What a day!"
Miracle was gone for a bit in the back room and then came in again with five magic bananas.
He put them on the table.
"Stuff these in your mouth, foolish boy, and keep on practicing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star until you know it by heart."
"Zzay zzam zzt zza fzzlizzh bzy!"
What he meant to say was: "I am not a foolish boy!"
Doctor Miracle looked at Uggel and said:
"He might as well be speaking Chinese."

Miracle made an effective pause and then said:
"If and when he manages to learn to play the song, he will be relieved of his flute. The bananas will know when to release him."
Well, Klampe went back to the cave and practiced and practiced. He ate the bananas and played at the same time and that was no easy trick. There was always one wrong note among the right ones.

C, C, A, A, B, B ...
No. No. Wrong.
C, C, F, F, G, G ...
No, wrong again.
C, C, G, G, A, A, G ...
Finally, he got it. After three days of trying, he got it.
And the flute came bouncing out of his mouth landing next to the chair. What a relief.
Klampe was happy. Uggel and Miracle were, as well.
The flute was inserted into the chair.
Whew, what an adventure.
Klampe was never going to touch a flute again.
He would try mastering the violin next.
But that is another story.

The Trolls Travel East

Well, after having conquered music the trolls wanted to take a trip again. It had been awhile now. The first step was to contact Doctor Miracle and ask him if he could lend them the bathtub.
Miracle was in a jaunty mood today.
His invention with the wheel barrow was not only working perfectly, he had also invented a serum for turning stones to marsh mellows. Fabulous. Miracle was saving money.
He listened to the troll's request about their wish to travel and he was very happy that they wanted to see foreign lands. He suggested going east to China. The oldest country in the world. Next to Egypt, of course.
The trolls lifted off and saw themselves flying over Sweden and Germany and Italy and Africa and Arabia and India and Tibet until they at last landed in Shanghai.
In the province of Shanghai there was a woman that Miracle knew very well. Her name was Ching-Chang-Chao. She was a very pretty woman that had great friends among the trolls. Her palace was very traditional and beautiful and so she would hold a very friendly court party for creatures of all kinds at a regular basis. They could come and sing for her and tell her stories.

That sounded like a great thing.
The trolls took off in their bathtub and soon landed right on Ching-Chang-Chao's courtyard. Obviously, she knew that they were coming. Immediately, an entourage of butlers in green pointy hats and red silk capes arrived, happily dancing on their toes and saying:
"Zǎo shàng hǎo! Huan ying! Hen gao xin ren shi ni!"
Ching-Chang-Chao spoke at great length about having been a seamstress at the emperor's court and then working herself up to becoming a lady of her own manor.

They were offered delicious food: a soup of the rising sun as a starter and mushrooms and bamboo with eight treasure sauce dipped in star fruit as main course. For dessert they received Klampe's own favorite: blueberries with crispy chocolate and plum juice.
In the evening, they were offered a concert: a pretty girl orchestra sang a song called Che-Che, Ching-Chang-Chao. It was a song of gratitude aimed for the mistress of the house.

The trolls were the stars of the day. They got to tell the entire assembly of their life in the forest and it was an amazing experience to see how fascinated they were in hearing their stories.
The trolls were full, saturated, happy and loved when they left.
As they traveled back to Sweden in their bathtub, they spoke about the fact that they were madly in love with Ching-Chang-Chao and that would want to return very soon indeed.

The Trolls Travel West

The trolls were inspired by the traveling to such a degree that, in fact, all they could do was talk about their experiences seeing different countries and going back in time.
Uggel and Klampe had gone east. After having seen what life was like in China, the next step was seeing the old west. The pioneer America of the 19th century.

Doctor Miracle soon concocted a magic serum and threw in some wizard bananas and bathed the bathtub in a golden fog, all in order to send the two brave trolls to the year of 1856.

The bathtub lifted off the ground and dived into another dimension. In just a second they were traveling through a very colorful world of lights. It looked like sailing through a supernova.
Boom! Kabang! Schwooooy!
Suddenly, the two happy brethren were not in cave anymore. Nor were they in a strange rainbow land of visions.
Yow-Wow!
They were now in a desert at night by a campfire.

The flickering lights from the flames made wonderful waltzing images on the troll's faces. The bluish image of the full moon shone upon their faces in such a way that it created a canvas of prosperity upon their carcass.
Beautiful, radiant, lovely.
To their right was a stagecoach with horses straddled at the helm. Inside the wagon was the magic bathtub.

Klampe looked around.
"Uhhh, Uggel," he whispered. "Where are we?"
A leaflet flew across the desert and landed right on Uggel's knee. Written in black and old writing on light brown paper, it said

Mortimer and Zebulon Winchester's Travelling Road Show coming to your town soon during this year of our Lord 1856. See the amazing Bolian, the strongest man in the world, lift the Siamese twins. Have your fortune told by Madame Clara. Experience the marvels of Shakespeare in a production by our theater group. Astounding performances by our fire juggling sword swallower Ricky Rickers. Our Rodeo Reveller Theo Thunder tames the German Stallion Kleiner Donner.
Buy your tickets now. $ 0,10 a seat.

There were images of cowboys and horses and jugglers and fire eaters and fortune tellers displayed in an array of extraordinary victory. Uggel smiled.
"1856, Klampe," he nodded. "We are back in the old west."
"I am tired, Uggel," Klampe yawned. "Maybe we should sleep. There is a lot to experience here tomorrow.
Klampe clonked down upon his blanket and fell asleep.
Uggel wanted to sleep, but Klampe's loud snore kept him awake just like in the cave back home in Barucka. Not only was the snore loud, it was powerful as well. So, Klampe would put out the fire with each loud snore and Uggel would have to light it again and keep it flickering. Out, on, out, on. The whole night was spent lighting fires. Snore, out, fire, on. Uggel was exhausted.

Uggel was dead tired in the morning and yawned his way through the blazing Midwest prairie that day. Klampe was riveted, enthusiastic, blissful. Coyotes, bears, eagles, squirrels, monuments, cowboys, traveling road shows, fortune tellers, serum sellers. The old west was so full of animation, that it was fabulous to live here as a troll explorer.
Uggel slept all day. His snore made all the animals run away.
Well, by the time they had crossed the state, they met the Sioux Indians. The name actually was pronounced Sooh, just like in Winnie the Pooh. It was a French word that the white man had given them, but the Indians themselves didn't call themselves that.
They had another name: the Lakota.

The Indian tribe of the Lakota Sioux were fascinated by these creatures that to them looked like Small Bears. They greeted them with such openness that Klampe and Uggel fell in love with America just by being with them. They called Uggel-Guggel Small Bear and Klampe-Lampe received the name Feet like Small Boats.

Small Bear and Feet like Small Boats met the chieftain of the tribe. He was a big, kind man with a huge feather decoration in his hair. His name was Black Eagle and he offered them his peace pipe.
Shortly afterwards, his squaw Pretty Squirrel cooked them a meal of bull's meat with corn and pepper with mashed potatoes. The dessert consisted of cocoa with mint in a maple syrup sauce.
After having eaten ten helpings of this each, the Indians had never seen any beings eat as much as they did and the trolls now received new names: Uggel became Appetite like a Lion and Klampe Lampe became Laughing While Munching. The strangest thing was that they ate with their tails.

In the evening they danced around the fire in order to attract the rain. The totem pole was visited and other tribes were invited by smoke signal to join a pow-wow.
After a long day, the trolls received their own wigwam and fell asleep happy. This time, Klampe didn't put out the fire. He sang songs in his sleep. The next day, the trolls took leave of their friends and left the Indian tribe in order to find the road show.
Black Eagle was unhappy to see them leave, but gave them his peace pipe as a parting gift. As they left the tribe, they saw that the rain was coming toward the village and they turned around just in time to see the Indians dance in the rain and fill canisters with water.
The two brothers headed for the nearest town. Klampe kept on calling himself Laughing While Munching and doing so, but Uggel wanted to keep calling himself Uggel.
The feather stayed in his hair, though.
The little town they arrived in next was called Glen Moulton and had three thousand inhabitants. There was a saloon called The Merry Beer Maid, a black smith, a baker, a doctor, a bank, a post office, a book shop, a barber, a tailor and a sheriff.
The trolls, of course, became the stars of the municipality.

They were invited to join the mayor for lunch and as soon as the traveling road show arrived they started rehearsing to join them in a number where they sang a song they knew called "T for Troll and S for Song and we can sing most all day long".
Needless to say, the trolls were a gigantic success and they were paid in beef jerky and in a hundred coins each.
After the performance, the trolls joined the festivities in the amusement park. Klampe was so happy that he danced most of the time. The other people kept away from him, but laughed as the saw how well he danced. He became the ballerino of the bandstand and now vowed to call himself that instead of Laughing While Munching.

He spent 80 of his coins on food and attractions, while Uggel was smarter. He was saving his coins for the fortune teller.
He spent 20 on food and attractions.
After the fun by the orchestra, the two trolls wandered off to Madame Clara. Uggel went first into the tent while Klampe stayed by the wagon. Clara was a woman all dressed in red satin and silk with bells and jewelry hanging from every nook and cranny. She had black hair and was made up with red lipstick and nail polish and rouge. She spoke with a thick Romanian accent as she sat under her baldachin and looked into her crystal ball.

"So, my furrrry frrrrriend," she spat and gave Uggel a shower of her spit as a gift. "You say your nehm isss Uyyehl Guyyehl. I will tell you a fortune worth eighty coins. Mumbbuhl - Jamboyhl my crrryssstal balll, tell me the future of this trrroohl."

She smiled, for obviously something good was happening inside the ball. Uggel was afraid of this woman, but happy to see that something good was happening inside the ball.
"Ah," she said, "you will become a king of the trolls in the future. You will invent a machine with your friend Mister Miracle that you put on your bottom. It will make you fly with propellers. Now leave. You smart, you give me eighty coins. You have good future. You send in your brother Lampo."

Uggel could not stop bowing as he walked out of the tent.
"I am a king," he hollered. "I am the king of kings."
Well, Klampe Lampe was more than impressed when Uggel Guggel walked out of the exotic tent. Of course, he hadn't expected to find a gypsy who measured the client's future in monetary guilds.
As he put his money upon the table, Clara smiled and shook her head. She sighed.
"Oh, Lampo," Clara mispronounced, "Lampo, Lampo, Lampo. Your brother was smarter. He gave me eighty coins and so he will become king in the future. Ah, I don't know what future I can offer you for twenty coins. We shall see."

Clara looked into her crystal ball and nodded, impressed by what she saw. She looked up at Klampe Lampe.
Klampe could not wait.
"What? What do you see?"
"You will be a small prince of the trolls," Clara said. "And you will be able to walk on water."
Klampe was so happy that he could have flown over the water as he walked out of the tent that day.
Two happy trolls wandered to their campfire that night, munching on ginger candy and drinking root beer.
They slept well that night and dreamed of Barucka.

The next morning, the sun was shining bright over the prairie and it was clear that a home flight was on the verge.
So, the kissed the horses goodbye, brought their peace pipe along and jumped into the magic bathtub. Soon enough, they were racing through the dimensions of color in order to land safely in the cave and leave them laughing happily over being two really lucky trolls with some fantastic adventures to call their own.

Abra Kadabra's Revenge

Initially, it was Klampe Lampe's fault.
One day, he got lost picking blueberries and ended up close the evil palace. The magician saw this and called him in to his palace. Abra laughed at him as he stumbled into the grand hall and Klampe called the evil magician Abra Kadabra a spitting cow. That was a sensitive subject. You see, Abra had blue spit and his nostrils always flared when he spoke and this made him look like a cow as he paced the forest.

Klampe ran out, but as he did the magician screamed:
"Fee, fie, fum, here is a trick that will make you hum. Flatulent burping hiccups galore, fire will make your miracle snore!"
Klampe ran off to the cave and told his brother all about the evil wizard's strange chant.
Uggel was worried, but assured Klampe that nothing bad was going to happen.
Uggel, for once, was wrong.
That night, Klampe was wrought with three bodily functions beyond his control. He farted wind, belched fire and hiccupped water. So, Uggel had no choice but spend the rest of the night putting out fire, drying up water or soothing the breaking of wind.

The next morning, Doctor Miracle was called and his medicine was his magic, rotten bananas. Klampe ate them with vigor, but the next night the farting and the belching remained. This was worse, for when Klampe belched fire he also broke wind and then the curtains of the cave caught fire.
Doctor Miracle was in tears. There was one option: his magic serum. It was worth a try. The next night, still no luck. Well, almost none. This belching fire remained and it remained for a week.

There was no other thing left but to actually go to Abra Kadabra and ask of his forgiveness and hope he would reverse the spell.

Abra was not too happy, but Klampe said he would never ever call him a spitting cow again. Besides, why had he invited Klampe over? To show him his shoe collection. Hmm, Uggel was not convinced.
Still, Abra went up into his warlock chamber and looked in his books of magic reversal spells.
"Nickel, nickel, worthless fickle? No, that spell is for green zits," Abra said. "Rump, thump, give me your stump? No, that spell is for blue chicken legs. Nit wit, why do you hit? No, that spell is for bad tennis players. Poopie snoopy, why are you loopie? No, that spell is against bad stomachs. Sunny money, is your nose runny? No, that one is for colds. Fee gree, do you have green pee? No, that one is against nervous bladders."
Then, on page 19876 of the 77th volume of the 23 Warlock Book of Belching Chants he found the right reversal spell:
"Fart a hiccup wart and your belch is a good start."

Klampe was blissful in actually not having to worry eating sauerkraut and beans anymore.
Now his flatulence wasn't lethal anymore.
Well, almost never.

The Trolls seek their Maidens

The trolls were worried sick. The children that had just escaped the forest had been lost, but seeing the trolls had made them run in the wrong direction. They did not even stop to get directions. Of course, seeing a troll for the first time would make you want to run. The trolls were nice and sweet and cuddly on the inside, no matter what the looked like on the outside. Klampe asked himself what life would be like with no children around or why the children did not want to stay. Uggel in return asked Klampe if there would be any trolls left soon. They had to find mates.

They had to procreate.

There was only one answer: go to Doctor Miracle.
Doctor Miracle was sitting and laughing at Freddie Frog's funny jokes. He was entertaining Anna Ant and Barbara Bee with stories about Davey Dog's last adventures in the candy swamp.
The doc understood the problem, but assured them that the problem was not as bad as they thought. Two very seductive trolls girls named Sötis Gullis, or Sweety Honey, and Trulsa, or Lockhair, were roaming about the world and looking for troll boys to marry.
"Into the bathtub we go," said Klampe.
"Wait," Miracle screamed. "First you visit the queen mum."
"The queen mum?" Uggel asked. "In England?"
"No, here in Barucka," Miracle laughed. "Lulli will know."

Lulli Barucka sat there, combing her hair, as they spoke.
She had only one advice for them:

"Use the magic song to ward off any enemies."

Abra hated children and he hated chocolate and even more he hated music and he hated lullabies.
The song could be used as the perfect weapon against Abra. Procreation of the trolls? Abra would try to stop them.
"Just sing this song," Lulli Barucka said and smiled as she combed her hair, "and all will be well:

When troll grandma put her babies to bed
And ties their tails all together,
She sings so softly for eleven little trolls
The sweetest words that she knows:
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff -Buff!
Hoo-Ay-Ay-Ay-Buff -Buff!"

The trolls first stop on their quest to find the maidens of their dreams was a place called Circus Vesuvio.

Little did they know that this establishment actually was a set-up to trap the brothers. So, very soon indeed they were in cages being fed meat through bars assisted by a certain lady named Madame Clara. She had been recruited by Abra Kadabra to join his own time and brought here to become a circus fortune teller.
The girls had been there just hours before they arrived and it was just luck that they found out from a clown where they had gone next. They had gone to Broadway.

The brothers managed to escape the circus and take their magic bathtub to New York City, where Gene Kelly was singing in the rain. He was just auditioning Charlie, who told them about a famous agent named Ronnie Smartley. This guy had actually heard the troll girls sing and maybe they were still there.
Uggel-Guggel and Klampe-Lampe now took the bathtub to the smart agent. He heard them sing their hit single

"T for Troll and S for Song and we can sing most all day long".

The reaction of the Broadway agent was one of pure bliss.
He told them that they were the most talented trolls in the universe and he would hire them on the spot for a troll show.
Unfortunately, the trolls were interested only in one thing: finding their troll maidens and marrying them.
Smartley admitted in having met the girls and thought they were very good, as well. He gave the boys his business card and said that if they ever changed their minds he could make them sound better than ABBA. They would become UKSTRA, which stood for Uggel, Klampe, Sötis and Trulsa. The brothers headed for Venice, where the girls had gone next.
In Venice, the city of Piazza San Marco, carnivals and rivers, the trolls dressed up as gondoliers and sang the Barcarolle from The Tales of Hoffman with a troll text as they hoped to find their troll girls. They chanted a tune that would make sopranos melt.

Abra Kadabra was there, too, and started ransacking and teasing them as they stepped out of their gondola. He took out his magic wand and was about to turn them into black dust, when Doctor Miracle, Lulli Barucka, Bakimbe, Mr. Spock, Black Eagle and the troll girls appeared and sang the lullaby.

These seven heroes had teamed up to meet in Venice, only to save the planet from this evil man.
On the last chanting of Buff, Buff! The magician disappeared forever, leaving nothing but a cape and large hat behind.
The girls cheered and so did the boys.
Would you believe in love at first sight?
The four trolls youngsters all only 150 years of age, did.

After their Broadway hit as the singing trolls, the four lovebirds got married, moved back to the forest and raised four children. These children eventually all loved playing in Miracle's cave in a forest now devoid of an evil magician. They heard Lulli sing whilst eating bananas, which was their favorite pastime. This ideal Eden inspired many a troll to procreate and make their own little troll children.
The trolls were saved at last.
Isn't life wonderful?

THE END