The Top Ten Reasons I Hate Wine - Three, No Wine Cellar

Some of you may know me from my wine article series "I Love Italian Wine and Food, " similar French and German series, and travel articles that always manage to discuss local wine and food. It’s true; I really do love wine and food from Italy, France, Germany, and other countries as well. But I also hate wine and many aspects of the wine scene. Let me explain my top ten reasons for this love-hate relationship. Previous articles discussed the unconscionable expense and the embarrassing lack of knowledge.

What a confession to make -- I have no wine cellar. I can define two categories of people in my life; those who say "No wine cellar-why would you want a wine cellar?" and those who say "No wine cellar-how could you not have a wine cellar?" To be sure there is actually a third category – those who say "No wine cellar-what’s a wine cellar?" Whenever I hear such a patently ignorant question my first reaction is -- I have nothing in common with such boors. Alas, I do. Neither of us have wine cellars.

Rule number 1 (so important that there is no rule number 2) - All true wine lovers must have a wine cellar. If you don’t have a wine cellar you have to drink that $10 bottle of wine now or very, very soon instead of waiting twenty years when it may be worth $100. Besides missing out on this untaxed financial windfall, you won’t get the satisfaction of experiencing its transformation from a run-of-the-winery bottle into liquid perfection and, what’s even better, sharing your coup but not necessarily your bottle with friends and relations. On the other hand; what if you’re not around in twenty years, or you are around but must religiously follow a diet restricted to a single glass of wine per year? Furthermore, there is always an outside chance that today’s wine will magically transform itself into tomorrow’s – vinegar.

There is room for a wine cellar in our lodgings, and the Internet posts countless articles and advertisements for wine cellars in line with any budget, even ours. What’s more, I even know some contractors who would be glad to build me a wine cellar, the bigger the better. I wonder if my wife would consider my wine cellar as part of her home renovations budget.

Here are the other reasons that I hate wine, to be explored shortly: I can’t get the… bottle opened, The insomnia, Food problems, Wine snobs, Those smells and those tastes, Those colors, Home brew, One more problem and yes, The Solution.