The Strange, Lonely Life of Brian Davies - Part I
Brian's life never made much sense. He finally finds out why.
The Strange, Lonely Life of Brian Davies
When your trying to rinse the shampoo out of your hair anything could be happening on the other side of the shower curtain and there's a good chance you'll miss it. Brian almost missed it that morning as he squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on keeping those suds out of his baby blues. It wasn't much, just a slight creak as the door opened slowly. He barely heard it at all- the way you barely hear your wife's voice when there's a football game on TV. His first thought was that his basset-hound Cletus was coming in to see what was holding up breakfast, but Cletus was dead, of course- just like everyone and everything else that had ever spent any time inside the world of Brian Davies.
"Must be a draft" he said to himself as he rinsed with a little more purpose.
"Must be" replied a voice from the dry side of the room.
Brian froze. Not only did he stop breathing, his heart even seemed to cease it's noisy beating he was so still. You couldn't call it fear, as Brian was not burdened with emotions like most people, but just an instinctive reaction of self-preservation that all things in nature share, Brian Davies included. After a moment he came to his senses- obviously the situation was beyond hiding. He took a deep breath and threw the curtain open, "Now look..." he started in the most tremendous and intimidating voice he could muster, but what he saw in front of him took his breath away again. "Oh, I see. I've gone quite mad then" he mumbled. It was a logical conclusion and, being without emotion, he was a logical man.
"You're not crazy, you wanker" it said in a high-pitched raspy voice, It sort of sounded like an old dwarf that had smoked a lot in life. "I'm as real as you are"
"Oh, if you say so then you must be real" Maybe Brian was a little too logical. With a sigh the creature stepped forward, reached out, gave his balls a squeeze, and let go. Brian screamed and backed into a corner in a guarded position. "What the fuck" he yelled.
"Trying to make a point"
"Okay, okay, you're real. Just don't do that again" He looked down at his uninvited guest, who was much shorter than himself, maybe three and a half feet tall in platform shoes. It looked sort of human, but gray and withered. The arms ended in gnarled claws and it was hairless, as much as he could see anyway. Between its legs there was something that might have been an organ, but was more gray and shriveled then the rest of it. Then there were the eyes, which were hard to see as they were sunk back far into the skull, but they held a small sign of humanity in them.
"What do you want?" He asked as he grabbed for his towel. "Are you going to... to kill me?"
"I was going to, but can't now that you've protected yourself with that towel. Egyptian cotton is like kryptonite to me"
Brian looked down at the towel he had wrapped around himself and felt very silly for having done so given the situation. Sarcastic little prick this thing was. "Look, if you're going to eat my brains or whatever, there's really no need to be a douche on top of it."
"Alright then" it shot back "we'll get down to business. Let's just say, hypothetically, I'm here to kill you." The creature raised it's claws and gnashed it's teeth as it rocked back and forth. " Rawr rawr and all that" Then, as if the whole thing weren't odd enough, it put down the toilet lid, sat down, crossed it's legs, looked up and asked "How do you feel about that?"
Brian was getting dizzy trying to wrap his mind around all that was happening. "W...what?"
The creature jumped off the toilet and Brian covered his crotch to defend against another potential ball squeezing. Instead he was slapped and then shook. "Stay with me, Brian " It told him. This grabbed his attention more than the slap. This thing knew his name. "I'm here to kill you. How do you feel about that?"
Brian answered honestly " I don't care. I don't really feel anyway about it"
"Because you've never really felt anything in your life have you?"
This wasn't entirely true. Brian felt physical things pain, hunger, pleasure but knew what the creature meant.
"No" he said "no I haven't"
When your trying to rinse the shampoo out of your hair anything could be happening on the other side of the shower curtain and there's a good chance you'll miss it. Brian almost missed it that morning as he squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on keeping those suds out of his baby blues. It wasn't much, just a slight creak as the door opened slowly. He barely heard it at all- the way you barely hear your wife's voice when there's a football game on TV. His first thought was that his basset-hound Cletus was coming in to see what was holding up breakfast, but Cletus was dead, of course- just like everyone and everything else that had ever spent any time inside the world of Brian Davies.
"Must be a draft" he said to himself as he rinsed with a little more purpose.
"Must be" replied a voice from the dry side of the room.
Brian froze. Not only did he stop breathing, his heart even seemed to cease it's noisy beating he was so still. You couldn't call it fear, as Brian was not burdened with emotions like most people, but just an instinctive reaction of self-preservation that all things in nature share, Brian Davies included. After a moment he came to his senses- obviously the situation was beyond hiding. He took a deep breath and threw the curtain open, "Now look..." he started in the most tremendous and intimidating voice he could muster, but what he saw in front of him took his breath away again. "Oh, I see. I've gone quite mad then" he mumbled. It was a logical conclusion and, being without emotion, he was a logical man.
"You're not crazy, you wanker" it said in a high-pitched raspy voice, It sort of sounded like an old dwarf that had smoked a lot in life. "I'm as real as you are"
"Oh, if you say so then you must be real" Maybe Brian was a little too logical. With a sigh the creature stepped forward, reached out, gave his balls a squeeze, and let go. Brian screamed and backed into a corner in a guarded position. "What the fuck" he yelled.
"Trying to make a point"
"Okay, okay, you're real. Just don't do that again" He looked down at his uninvited guest, who was much shorter than himself, maybe three and a half feet tall in platform shoes. It looked sort of human, but gray and withered. The arms ended in gnarled claws and it was hairless, as much as he could see anyway. Between its legs there was something that might have been an organ, but was more gray and shriveled then the rest of it. Then there were the eyes, which were hard to see as they were sunk back far into the skull, but they held a small sign of humanity in them.
"What do you want?" He asked as he grabbed for his towel. "Are you going to... to kill me?"
"I was going to, but can't now that you've protected yourself with that towel. Egyptian cotton is like kryptonite to me"
Brian looked down at the towel he had wrapped around himself and felt very silly for having done so given the situation. Sarcastic little prick this thing was. "Look, if you're going to eat my brains or whatever, there's really no need to be a douche on top of it."
"Alright then" it shot back "we'll get down to business. Let's just say, hypothetically, I'm here to kill you." The creature raised it's claws and gnashed it's teeth as it rocked back and forth. " Rawr rawr and all that" Then, as if the whole thing weren't odd enough, it put down the toilet lid, sat down, crossed it's legs, looked up and asked "How do you feel about that?"
Brian was getting dizzy trying to wrap his mind around all that was happening. "W...what?"
The creature jumped off the toilet and Brian covered his crotch to defend against another potential ball squeezing. Instead he was slapped and then shook. "Stay with me, Brian " It told him. This grabbed his attention more than the slap. This thing knew his name. "I'm here to kill you. How do you feel about that?"
Brian answered honestly " I don't care. I don't really feel anyway about it"
"Because you've never really felt anything in your life have you?"
This wasn't entirely true. Brian felt physical things pain, hunger, pleasure but knew what the creature meant.
"No" he said "no I haven't"
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