The Role of Women Today: The Shriver Report

As the women’s conference in Long Beach California occurs this week, Maria Shriver will be one of the keynote speakers. She will be speaking on "The Shriver Report, A Woman’s Nation." The subject of women in the work place sparked my interest when I saw an interview about a week ago with Anderson Cooper on 360 with guests Suzy Oreman. I have been thinking about it ever since.

Statistics suggest that a woman’s role has changed dramatically in the past forty years. Thank you so much to the woman who came before me and fought for my right to vote, to drive, to travel, to work, and many other privileges that are still, to this day, not enjoyed by women in other countries. I don’t wish to seem ungrateful but there are some things that need to be addressed.

I am a married 31 year old who does not have kids. We are planning to have them soon. I work full time and also have my own business on the side. My background is that I grew up in a religious household where my mother was a stay at home mom, and my Dad was the head of the household. My husband grew up with a single mom and an older sister who doted on him constantly.

I play many roles in my life and sometimes I wonder what would happen if one day I just decided to walk away from all of the balls I am juggling. My first role is homemaker; the responsibilities that come with this identity are; clean house, do laundry, fold laundry, grocery shop, plan the meals, and cook. I make the bed every morning, and sweep up pet hair every day. My second role is full time employee. My work responsibilities consist of time management, self-motivation, continual research, and innovation. I do not have an easy job. In fact, my job requires constant contemplation and modifications. My husband is paid double what I am and golfs, fishes, and goes on "business trips" with the boss regularly. My final role is the role of doting wife/temptress. I must appear happy and content in my marriage. I must not complain or make friends with other men cause inevitably it gives the wrong idea. I must remain thin, youthful, exciting and low maintenance. When friends visit I must clean up after them and appear reserved and service oriented.

So what does my husband do? I truly don’t believe I am married to a bad guy. He grew up with a single mom and he is somewhat supportive of my dreams and goals, He genuinely tries to listen to all my thoughts. He will even make his own meal of peanut butter and jelly sandwich if I am too tired or too busy to make something for him. What I don’t understand is why, if I ask him to make the bed, he says, "I don’t mind if it isn’t made," or if I ask him to sweep he says, "the floor is not dirty". Anytime I successfully coerce my husband into helping out, I swear, he does it as quick and as sloppy as possible, so that I won’t ask him again. I constantly nag him to hold up his side of the established chores; dishes, recycling, garbage and mowing the lawn. I am not exaggerating when I say that I do his chores half the time, rather then nag him to do them and get some attitude. One example of this is when I asked him to do the dishes recently he complained, "but those are all your dishes!" Duh cause I do all the cooking! I am resentful half the time, and the other half resigned to my duties. All of my girl friends are either single or divorced, so complaining to them is pointless. They would do anything to be married to a faithful, honest guy with a job. What do I do? Is this just how it is to be a woman nowadays? Is it worth being in a relationship when you not only have to care for the other individual like a child, but then you are supposed to show them the utmost respect as well?

I can’t help but wonder. How much easier would my life be if every time I opened my door, mysteriously, there were clean clothes; when I opened the cupboard all the food I liked to eat was there; when my friends came to visit the house was prepped and he was the one running around trying to make sure everyone was happy? What if I got paid double to golf with the boss while he was at work? What if he spent two hours a day working out and didn’t eat ice cream in order to meet my approval? How different would my life be?

The question I ask my self more and more is WIFM (what’s in it for me)? Why do I feel guilty if I can’t do it all? What is the final role I play in this balancing act to be the perfect woman? What am I getting out of this? I must be getting something if I continually choose to do the things I am doing. Maybe we should wait to have kids.

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