The Road to a Healing Heart

This has got to be one of the harder parts of life: Letting go...

Sometimes something just doesn't work anymore, and it's time to give it up, maybe it never worked to begin with and it's time you stopped trying... but it's familiar, and it's been years for so long. How can you bear to part with it?

The trick lies in realization. It's hard even for the most flexible of us to let up, and for those of us who are stubborn. It's like trying to drag a screaming child out of a toy store. We need to come to terms with the way that things are, and the way they are going to be.

You loved someone, it didn't work out, but for some reason that attachment, you've built doesn't want to dissipate.... what to do? So many "experts" will tell you to occupy your mind, not think of him or her. Erase his or her number from your cell phone, burn pictures, toss gifts, etc.

But after you have what looks like a Nazi book burning ceremony, and the exhilaration settles, you still feel sad and alone. Healing, unfortunately, does not come from the trashing of material items nor the editing of digital accessories. Healing comes from the mind and acceptance from the heart.

This kind of thing takes time to do, it's a tedious job for the soul to mend itself. Fortunately it will do it on its own, but if you want to speed up the process, you can examine it and take the steps all on your own.

Realization - We focus on the good times so much, more than we do the bad, what needs to happen is to remember the reasons it wasn't working. This is often hard to do because the initial feeling of being alone can seem overbearing to some, intolerable to others. We often focus on the feelings of being in a relationship - the more absent feelings at the time (why many of us rebound is to get that feeling back, but it doesn't teach us anything.)

It is important to remember the bad times, particularly if you are the one who has done the breaking-up in the first place. A good practice to try is this: every time a thought comes into your head about your former, think of a bad time, or something you don't like about the other person, then re-focus on what you were doing. It's going to be tricky at first because our minds spring things on us, from out of nowhere, but with time it gets easier.

This is going to help you see the relationship for what it really was. That's the whole trick to realization; You've got to realize! Come to terms with the way things are, and don't feel pressured to change to win other's approval, look like you've moved on when you haven't, or make it your goal to get them to want you back...

Just keep your private life private. No one can judge you for what they do not know, so don't give them anything to know. There's nothing worse than pending the day you will see your ex again. Be content in knowing that moving on is not a race. Getting over someone first is what is most important. Rebounding, leading people on, is for those who are afraid of being alone. These people are most likely to be afraid of dealing with their own issues!

The phrase, "There's tons of fish in the water," is a very factual phrase. Keep looking ahead, try new things, work on you. If you can remember that, with patience and an open heart, you will love again, you've already won most the battle, and it's a battle worth winning.