The Post Suicide Note
A letter to a teenager who has committed suicide.
Why? is the question we ask today...us, in the land of the living.
Why? What were you thinking??? What drove you to this desperation? You had so many friends/good looks/good family. You were smart/popular/energetic. You had so many people who counted on you. You had a sister who looked up to you. Why? Where have you left them all now?
My daughter called this morning, screaming hysterically into the phone. I could not understand her for the longest time. You and she have had your differences and closeness, your laughter and your tears. You have hurt her, angered her, cheered her up, made her laugh, encouraged her, and motivated her. And you have left her.
Why, why, why?
I do not know your parents, but can only imagine that this day is the first day of the nightmare you have made of the rest of their lives. They will never take another breath without that question lurking somewhere within it. Can they ever forgive you? This is another question without an answer. I believe they still love you, though--even through all this.
Why?
What would have made you stop? What would have caused you to put down that to which you gave your life? A phone number for help? A happy text? What did the world withhold from you at the moment of your greatest need?
Can you see your friends today? They are devastated. They have gathered into groups all day today...gatherings without borders that melt and become different groups. All of them pulse with your name, memories of you. In the hours you have been gone you have created a void in the lives of those you cared about.
Why?
What could have made a difference? You were at a party last night, laughing and having a good time. What changed in the moments between that party and the end of your life?
Was it a mistake? A colossal error which you cannot take back? Must you spend eternity with a regret which gives you no peace?
I wish you better than that. I wish you forgiveness and understanding. I wish you the peace which must have eluded you in life. But I wish you were here.
Why? What were you thinking??? What drove you to this desperation? You had so many friends/good looks/good family. You were smart/popular/energetic. You had so many people who counted on you. You had a sister who looked up to you. Why? Where have you left them all now?
My daughter called this morning, screaming hysterically into the phone. I could not understand her for the longest time. You and she have had your differences and closeness, your laughter and your tears. You have hurt her, angered her, cheered her up, made her laugh, encouraged her, and motivated her. And you have left her.
Why, why, why?
I do not know your parents, but can only imagine that this day is the first day of the nightmare you have made of the rest of their lives. They will never take another breath without that question lurking somewhere within it. Can they ever forgive you? This is another question without an answer. I believe they still love you, though--even through all this.
Why?
What would have made you stop? What would have caused you to put down that to which you gave your life? A phone number for help? A happy text? What did the world withhold from you at the moment of your greatest need?
Can you see your friends today? They are devastated. They have gathered into groups all day today...gatherings without borders that melt and become different groups. All of them pulse with your name, memories of you. In the hours you have been gone you have created a void in the lives of those you cared about.
Why?
What could have made a difference? You were at a party last night, laughing and having a good time. What changed in the moments between that party and the end of your life?
Was it a mistake? A colossal error which you cannot take back? Must you spend eternity with a regret which gives you no peace?
I wish you better than that. I wish you forgiveness and understanding. I wish you the peace which must have eluded you in life. But I wish you were here.
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