The Perils of Using Other People's Computers
I think we have all been here...
Tom and Peter are watching TV in the lounge in their flat.
Tom: Can I borrow your Laptop for a sec please?
Pete: Yeah no worries it’s in my room on my bed I think.
Tom Cool
A few moments pass and Tom returns with the laptop and sets it down on the table behind the couch where Peter is sitting. Tom then opens opens it up and switches it on. A few moments pass and the Windows start up jingle sounds as normal as the computer loads. Eventually the mouse icon appears and Tom clicks on Microsoft explorer at which point a strange white line moving from left to right appears leaving a blank grey horizontal trail behind it like graffiti on the screen. Tom tries to move the mouse but it is frozen, he then tries pressing escape then control alt delete twice but to no avail, he then attempts again to move the mouse while clicking randomly to equally little effect…
Tom: Errr, Pete something has gone wrong with your computer it’s like errr frozen or something and won’t respond.
Pete: What do you mean it won’t respond. To anything?
Tom: Well look, the mouse won’t move and this strange white line has appeared across the screen.
Pete: Have you tried pressing escape or control alt delete?
Tom: Yes twice it didn’t respond.
Pete: Move out of the way for a second I’m going to try something. [Tom gets up, while Pete sits down, presses escape and then control alt-delete-repeatedly each time with more urgency than the last – nothing changes]
Tom: See?
Pete: hmm -
Pete turns it off then 5 seconds later on again. The screen remains completely blank for 10 seconds until the grey horizontal line from earlier appears again. The rest of the screen however remains blank. The computer meanwhile is making whirring sounds and its green LED is flickering frantically.
Pete: What did you do to it?!
Tom: Nothing, I just turned it on and clicked on explorer
Pete: It’s never does this to me when I turn it on. Did you drop it on the way in here?
Tom: No
Pete: Did you put it down heavily, like you know; with a bump?
Tom: No
Pete: I don’t mind if you did, you can tell me, I won’t be annoyed. I’d just rather know that’s all
Tom: No, honestly - I just picked it up, put it down carefully, turned it on and clicked on Explorer.
Pete: Hmm…..Did you spill water on it?
Tom: NO! Look I didn’t drop it, put it down heavily with a "you know - bump", I didn’t spill water on it and I wasn’t downloading porn, I simply put it down, turned it on and clicked on explorer then it did this. I’m sorry this has happened but that is all I did Okay?
Pete: I never mentioned anything about downloading porn. Were you downloading porn? I’ve told you not to do that for precisely this reason…
Tom: It was just an example Tom, of one of the myriad of things, that I know you’re thinking I might have done to it that I didn’t. Now for the last time, I wasn’t downloading porn or doing anything unusual; dropping anything, spilling anything - I just turned it on and clicked on explorer.
Pete: Okay okay, I’m just saying that its strange that’s all – I’ve turned it on 1000 times and it’s been fine. Admit it – it’s a bit strange yeah?
Tom: Yes it’s strange, odd, and maybe even bizarre but its true, now please shut up before I am forced to punch you in the face.
Pete: Okay.
Tom: Can I borrow your Laptop for a sec please?
Pete: Yeah no worries it’s in my room on my bed I think.
Tom Cool
A few moments pass and Tom returns with the laptop and sets it down on the table behind the couch where Peter is sitting. Tom then opens opens it up and switches it on. A few moments pass and the Windows start up jingle sounds as normal as the computer loads. Eventually the mouse icon appears and Tom clicks on Microsoft explorer at which point a strange white line moving from left to right appears leaving a blank grey horizontal trail behind it like graffiti on the screen. Tom tries to move the mouse but it is frozen, he then tries pressing escape then control alt delete twice but to no avail, he then attempts again to move the mouse while clicking randomly to equally little effect…
Tom: Errr, Pete something has gone wrong with your computer it’s like errr frozen or something and won’t respond.
Pete: What do you mean it won’t respond. To anything?
Tom: Well look, the mouse won’t move and this strange white line has appeared across the screen.
Pete: Have you tried pressing escape or control alt delete?
Tom: Yes twice it didn’t respond.
Pete: Move out of the way for a second I’m going to try something. [Tom gets up, while Pete sits down, presses escape and then control alt-delete-repeatedly each time with more urgency than the last – nothing changes]
Tom: See?
Pete: hmm -
Pete turns it off then 5 seconds later on again. The screen remains completely blank for 10 seconds until the grey horizontal line from earlier appears again. The rest of the screen however remains blank. The computer meanwhile is making whirring sounds and its green LED is flickering frantically.
Pete: What did you do to it?!
Tom: Nothing, I just turned it on and clicked on explorer
Pete: It’s never does this to me when I turn it on. Did you drop it on the way in here?
Tom: No
Pete: Did you put it down heavily, like you know; with a bump?
Tom: No
Pete: I don’t mind if you did, you can tell me, I won’t be annoyed. I’d just rather know that’s all
Tom: No, honestly - I just picked it up, put it down carefully, turned it on and clicked on Explorer.
Pete: Hmm…..Did you spill water on it?
Tom: NO! Look I didn’t drop it, put it down heavily with a "you know - bump", I didn’t spill water on it and I wasn’t downloading porn, I simply put it down, turned it on and clicked on explorer then it did this. I’m sorry this has happened but that is all I did Okay?
Pete: I never mentioned anything about downloading porn. Were you downloading porn? I’ve told you not to do that for precisely this reason…
Tom: It was just an example Tom, of one of the myriad of things, that I know you’re thinking I might have done to it that I didn’t. Now for the last time, I wasn’t downloading porn or doing anything unusual; dropping anything, spilling anything - I just turned it on and clicked on explorer.
Pete: Okay okay, I’m just saying that its strange that’s all – I’ve turned it on 1000 times and it’s been fine. Admit it – it’s a bit strange yeah?
Tom: Yes it’s strange, odd, and maybe even bizarre but its true, now please shut up before I am forced to punch you in the face.
Pete: Okay.
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