The Major League Baseball All-Steroids Team

Former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell today released his report on the steroid problem in Major League Baseball, a document that has been the topic of much anticipation and speculation in the past several weeks. Of particular note, Mitchell’s report lists over 80 current and former players by name as having allegedly used steroids at some point in their career, including some we already knew about – Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi, Jose Canseco amongst them – and others we didn’t: Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, and Miguel Tejada to name a few. There are also a few expected and rumored names that aren’t there. Being named in the report doesn’t necessarily mean that a player used steroids his entire career – indeed, Wally Joyner claimed to have tried it and realized it was a mistake and never used again, and a few others claim they used HGH and other substances to recover from injuries, but not to "juice" for better in-game performance. And certainly, it is possible that there are people on this list who have been accused unjustly. Nonetheless, there are without question some huge names on this list, including some of the most elite players of the past two decades of baseball. If the names on George Mitchell's report are accurate, it could represent one heck of a lineup.

As such, in honor of the Mitchell Report, I present one of the greatest baseball lineups of all time: the (alleged) Major League Baseball All-Steroids Team.

1B: Rafael Palmeiro: Rafael was the ultimate punch in the gut for baseball. A quiet professional who socked 569 home runs and batted .288 for his career, Palmeiro was most memorable for forcefully denying, in front of Congress, having ever used steroids. He seemed like the ultimate good guy, waggling his finger at his accusers and standing up for the non-cheaters in the game. A few months later, he tested positive, and quietly slinked off to retirement. Dishonorable Mentions: Jason Giambi, Mo Vaughn

2B Chuck Knobloch: A hard-charging, blue-collar second baseman with the Twins, Knobloch beats out Randy Velarde and Brian Roberts for this spot in the lineup. Knobloch seemed to be a players’ player and a fans’ player – before signing with the Yankees, and becoming… well, a Yankee. And a steroids user, allegedly. Dishonorable mentions: Randy Velarde, Brian Roberts

SS: Miguel Tejada: Shortstops were barely represented on Mitchell’s list, but the one who is there is a big one: Tejada is perhaps the best all-around shortstop in the game today, joining other elite players on the list. Tejada allegedly purchased testosterone through another teammate. Dishonorable Mentions: None.

3B: Matt Williams: Barely beating Troy Glaus, Matt Williams was an above-average 3rd baseman and a 5-time All-Star who, according to the report, purchased HGH in 2002, at the tail-end of his career, to help recover from an injury. Williams claims he did not know the prescription was written by a dentist. Dishonorable Mentions: Troy Glaus

C: Benito Santiago: Getting the nod over Paul LoDuca, Santiago is another 5-time All-Star and one of the better catchers of his era, with a career batting average of .263 and 217 home runs. A Giants clubhouse attendant allegedly found syringes in Santiago’s locker in 2003, which he turned over to Victor Conte of BALCO Fame. Dishonorable Mentions: Paul LoDuca

LF: Barry Bonds: What more could I say. Currently under indictment for perjury in the BALCO case, Bonds has been the center around which the steroids controversy has been swirled since Jason Giambi owned up, and Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro both ducked out of public life. Dishonorable Mentions: Lenny Dykstra

CF: Gary Matthews, Jr: Probably owing to the fact that center fields usually are tall and lithe rather than beefy sluggers, Matthews is the only player on the list who is primarily a center fielder, so this was an easy one. Matthews denied having ever used HGH, but he did allegedly have the substance shipped to him in 2004. Dishonorable Mentions: None.

RF: Gary Sheffield: Sheffield is about as likeable a character as Barry Bonds, but he is another monster of a player, with 9 All-Star appearances, a career .296 batting average and 480 home runs and counting. Sheffield purchased products from BALCO, including "the cream," but claims to have not known that they were steroids. Dishonorable Mentions: David Justice, Jose Canseco

SP: Roger Clemens, Andy Pettite, Denny Neagle, Kevin Brown, Paul Byrd: The lowlight of this group, obviously, is Clemens, the pitcher of the last 2 decades with an incredible 7 Cy Young Awards and 354 career victories. Clemens has denied that he used steroids. Paul Byrd, another seemingly good guy and unlikely suspect, was outted earlier this year during the ALCS. He claims he purchased HGH for a legitimate health condition, but the hormone was prescribed by a dentist who had lost his license.

CP: Eric Gagne: This selection is of the fireball-throwing, unhittable Gagne of yesteryear, and not the grapefruit throwing batting practice pitcher that played for the Rangers and Red Sox this year. Gagne allegedly received steroids through catcher Paul LoDuca, though the timing is unknown.