The Last Victim Chapter Fifteen
Everything was so white. The walls, the curtains, the sheets even the doctors and nurses all dressed in white. It was so choking, still and boring. I wanted to get out of this awful place by any means possible. I was scared despite knowing that there are two vigilant giants standing at my door. This bloody place was no different from David's attic. I 'm still ''restrained'' to a bed with dozens of people palpating me all day long. My body was full of every kind of medicine; injections, sprays, pills and creams. Everything around me smells medicine, I smell medicine and the food they bring me, surprisingly, smells medicine. My urine must've smelled medicine too.
I was still detached from the outside world. I did not know what was happening. Do people know what happened to me? Are they talking about it and making up stories? Do they picture me getting raped? And David, where is he? My body quivered at the thought of him. Is it over? Will he come back after me again? Too many questions, I was going crazy. Shall I hide for the rest of my life? Shall I escape somewhere where nobody knows me? What should I do? I can't live with the guilt and shame.
I know you want to tell me to stop thinking like that and that I've done nothing to make me feel guilty or ashamed. But with my respect to you, you've not been in my place.
I was choking, I wanted to get it all out but I couldn't speak. I couldn't say what happened. I just wanted to erase the memory and move on. But I couldn't, I was still held in captivity. It was still happening to me every night. I see it in the worst nightmares. So vivid and so real. I was not the same person inside or outside. With all these thoughts crowding and fighting in my head I decided to shut them all up and submit. Submit to my new reality and let things happen to me. I was too weak to resist, too weak to think and too weak to make any decision of any kind. When I think I breakdown, I scream and shiver and bite and scratch whomsoever in front of me. They then give me sedatives that make me feel simply, NOTHING. I should stay still then and be obedient, right?
I was still detached from the outside world. I did not know what was happening. Do people know what happened to me? Are they talking about it and making up stories? Do they picture me getting raped? And David, where is he? My body quivered at the thought of him. Is it over? Will he come back after me again? Too many questions, I was going crazy. Shall I hide for the rest of my life? Shall I escape somewhere where nobody knows me? What should I do? I can't live with the guilt and shame.
I know you want to tell me to stop thinking like that and that I've done nothing to make me feel guilty or ashamed. But with my respect to you, you've not been in my place.
I was choking, I wanted to get it all out but I couldn't speak. I couldn't say what happened. I just wanted to erase the memory and move on. But I couldn't, I was still held in captivity. It was still happening to me every night. I see it in the worst nightmares. So vivid and so real. I was not the same person inside or outside. With all these thoughts crowding and fighting in my head I decided to shut them all up and submit. Submit to my new reality and let things happen to me. I was too weak to resist, too weak to think and too weak to make any decision of any kind. When I think I breakdown, I scream and shiver and bite and scratch whomsoever in front of me. They then give me sedatives that make me feel simply, NOTHING. I should stay still then and be obedient, right?
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