The House Guest
Learn more about your friends when they stay at your house.
You can learn valuable lessons by having house-guests for brief periods of time. Take for instance, our recent experience. A coworker from a decade ago who I stayed in touch with recently moved cross country. After 2 months she decided it was not the best decision. By detouring on her way back, she said, she could visit for a few days if that was all right with us. She said it would be a great relief to see a friendly face since the roommate she moved in with for the relocation did not pan out as she had hoped.
I told her it would not be a problem. We would be happy to host her. There was a spare room she could call her own and as long as she liked dogs she would fit in here well.
She sent text messages to me regularly during the arduous drive. After spending 22 hours out of 40 behind the wheel she was exhausted arriving at 11:15PM. She produced a half empty 5th of vodka and made herself a drink. We talked like old high school girlfriends until 2AM then retired.
The next morning proved uneventful. I left for work later not wanting to leave our houseguest alone in unfamiliar surroundings. As it worked out she did not wake up until 3PM. This really was not alarming considering the amount of time she spent behind the wheel.
My husband came home around 6 and the 3 of us went to dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. Dinner went great. Drinks food and the traditional banter was the tone of the evening. We returned home, shared some more laughs then it was off to bed for us. The next day was a busy one for both of us. I had doctor’s appointments for my elderly father and my husband was off to the office. She insisted that she would be fine reading and keeping company with one of our 3 dogs.
We awoke at about 1:30AM to the sound of laughing and barking. It appeared that our house guest was having a lively conversation with our Boston terrier. Certain that this was fueled by vodka and anti depressants we sighed, rolled over, calmed our other 2 dogs and went back to a fitful sleep.
The next morning was like any other. Coffee, well wishes for the day and the promise to have a good evening when we both returned were shared that morning. Shuttling dad through his 4 hour doctor appointment, taking him to lunch and getting him back to his senior residence took the majority of the day. At 2:30 I texted our guest and she reassured me that she was fine, take care of my dad, she was doing great with the dogs.
I arrived home at 4PM to a kitchen filled with balled up tissues, napkins, assorted crumb filled plates and candy wrappers strewn about. The dogs were devouring raw hide, something we monitored closely, and several books and magazines strewn from the 2nd floor bathroom to the dining room table. Our guest was merrily feeding the dogs Swedish candy fish and fruit salad. Needless to say they were farting like monkeys.
She then informed me that her credit cards were frozen and she needed to borrow money in order to complete her journey to the east cost. Feeling desperate to do anything to get this person out of my home, which by the way she said felt like a spa because of her late rising and luxuriating in an empty house with a full fridge, I ran to the bank, with drew what she requested and presented it in an envelope promptly.
There were no dinner plans for the evening and I suggested Subway. This would be an easy and cheap dinner. Wonderful she said but, be sure to get me a bag of baked barbecue Lays chips. I left and detoured to a friend’s house for comfort and to quietly lament my current plight.
I arrived 40 minute later with the sandwiches and she inhaled hers practically licking the chip crumbs off the plate. Aside from the chip incident she seemed to be having trouble with the flip top squeezable mustard bottle. She unscrewed the top at one point spilling mustard on the floor much to the dogs delight. We explained the style of bottle and she eventually figured out how to use it. Never mind the 6 tissues she pulled from the box and balled up and used as napkins during the meal.
At this point I was exhausted. My husband hid in the basement with his computer and I pretended to carry on a conversation with her about what I cannot recall. Her end was definitely fueled by the rest of the 5th of vodka and every drop of lemonade and orange juice we had in the house. At 10PM she announced that she needed to get gas for her trip. She left with her GPS and I ran upstairs with the dogs, locked myself in the bedroom and feigned sleep. An hour later she returned cursing whatever it was that had happened that kept her away for an hour. What the "bleep" I thought. The gas station is 3 blocks away. You can’t miss it coming or going from our house.
The next morning my husband left the house early, ran away explains it better, coffee in hand and I waited for our guest to rise. At 8:30 I heard her heading down the stairs. I offered her coffee and she said she thought she would take it upstairs and lay down for a bit longer. I tried to keep the panic out of my voice and engaged her in conversation hoping to keep her from going back to bed. She told me that her GPS was not working right last night and she couldn’t get back to the house. Everyone I have told this story to insisted that she had gone to the bar since she had run out of vodka.
By 9AM she was packed up and in her car heading down the road. I would have given her twice the cash she asked for if she would have left a day earlier. Well, live and learn through your house guests.
I told her it would not be a problem. We would be happy to host her. There was a spare room she could call her own and as long as she liked dogs she would fit in here well.
She sent text messages to me regularly during the arduous drive. After spending 22 hours out of 40 behind the wheel she was exhausted arriving at 11:15PM. She produced a half empty 5th of vodka and made herself a drink. We talked like old high school girlfriends until 2AM then retired.
The next morning proved uneventful. I left for work later not wanting to leave our houseguest alone in unfamiliar surroundings. As it worked out she did not wake up until 3PM. This really was not alarming considering the amount of time she spent behind the wheel.
My husband came home around 6 and the 3 of us went to dinner at one of our favorite local restaurants. Dinner went great. Drinks food and the traditional banter was the tone of the evening. We returned home, shared some more laughs then it was off to bed for us. The next day was a busy one for both of us. I had doctor’s appointments for my elderly father and my husband was off to the office. She insisted that she would be fine reading and keeping company with one of our 3 dogs.
We awoke at about 1:30AM to the sound of laughing and barking. It appeared that our house guest was having a lively conversation with our Boston terrier. Certain that this was fueled by vodka and anti depressants we sighed, rolled over, calmed our other 2 dogs and went back to a fitful sleep.
The next morning was like any other. Coffee, well wishes for the day and the promise to have a good evening when we both returned were shared that morning. Shuttling dad through his 4 hour doctor appointment, taking him to lunch and getting him back to his senior residence took the majority of the day. At 2:30 I texted our guest and she reassured me that she was fine, take care of my dad, she was doing great with the dogs.
I arrived home at 4PM to a kitchen filled with balled up tissues, napkins, assorted crumb filled plates and candy wrappers strewn about. The dogs were devouring raw hide, something we monitored closely, and several books and magazines strewn from the 2nd floor bathroom to the dining room table. Our guest was merrily feeding the dogs Swedish candy fish and fruit salad. Needless to say they were farting like monkeys.
She then informed me that her credit cards were frozen and she needed to borrow money in order to complete her journey to the east cost. Feeling desperate to do anything to get this person out of my home, which by the way she said felt like a spa because of her late rising and luxuriating in an empty house with a full fridge, I ran to the bank, with drew what she requested and presented it in an envelope promptly.
There were no dinner plans for the evening and I suggested Subway. This would be an easy and cheap dinner. Wonderful she said but, be sure to get me a bag of baked barbecue Lays chips. I left and detoured to a friend’s house for comfort and to quietly lament my current plight.
I arrived 40 minute later with the sandwiches and she inhaled hers practically licking the chip crumbs off the plate. Aside from the chip incident she seemed to be having trouble with the flip top squeezable mustard bottle. She unscrewed the top at one point spilling mustard on the floor much to the dogs delight. We explained the style of bottle and she eventually figured out how to use it. Never mind the 6 tissues she pulled from the box and balled up and used as napkins during the meal.
At this point I was exhausted. My husband hid in the basement with his computer and I pretended to carry on a conversation with her about what I cannot recall. Her end was definitely fueled by the rest of the 5th of vodka and every drop of lemonade and orange juice we had in the house. At 10PM she announced that she needed to get gas for her trip. She left with her GPS and I ran upstairs with the dogs, locked myself in the bedroom and feigned sleep. An hour later she returned cursing whatever it was that had happened that kept her away for an hour. What the "bleep" I thought. The gas station is 3 blocks away. You can’t miss it coming or going from our house.
The next morning my husband left the house early, ran away explains it better, coffee in hand and I waited for our guest to rise. At 8:30 I heard her heading down the stairs. I offered her coffee and she said she thought she would take it upstairs and lay down for a bit longer. I tried to keep the panic out of my voice and engaged her in conversation hoping to keep her from going back to bed. She told me that her GPS was not working right last night and she couldn’t get back to the house. Everyone I have told this story to insisted that she had gone to the bar since she had run out of vodka.
By 9AM she was packed up and in her car heading down the road. I would have given her twice the cash she asked for if she would have left a day earlier. Well, live and learn through your house guests.
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