The High Price of Memories

By Deborah Lambeth

Our memory of things and our ability to remember is incredible. Certain sounds, certain smells, certain words, certain days, certain times of the year can evoke poignant memories, or they can evoke a wistful feeling of wanting to go back in time to when days were simpler, life was richer and not so hectic, or days were happier. Or our remembrances of things are so incredibly painful that remembering moves us to tears. In wanting to hold onto the past, our memory can become so grandiose that what really was is not the way that it was.

How often do we make mountains out of molehills? How often in our wanting to preserve the past do we make more out of the past than is necessary? I believe sometimes we enhance the past to make the present more tolerable…that maybe things in the present are not as we would like them to be, so remembering the past and the familiar things associated with the past brings us some kind of comfort.

Memories. The high price associated with keeping ourselves stuck in the past. "That’s not the way I’ve done it before.." "Oh…that would not be a good idea…(translated, I couldn’t deal with the change from the familiarity of the past), "I remember when we did this…" and so on and so on. Please don’t hear me saying that memories are bad…quite the contrary - memories are good…and memories are helpful. Staying stuck in the past and clinging on to the past is what I am talking about. When one clings to the past in a way that it inhibits growth in the present and future, then there is a high price for memories. The past begins to paralyze and keeps anything good from happening. For example, there is an old adage that says, "you can’t go home again." Why is that? Because as we age, it is difficult for our parents to see us as adults and it’s difficult for us to see our parents age. Each of us wants to cling to the past and the way we remember how life used to be.

When one can put memories in perspective so that they encourage growth - then the price of memories is priceless. Example: Several years ago a Family Ministry Team was formed. At the outset, the ministry team planned activities for preschoolers and children and their families. It was interesting to see the attendance at these activities during the first year of "doing things differently" in regards to intergenerational fellowships. However, the second year…because people remembered and had memories of the activity, attendance increased. Why? Because people talked about their memories of the event the next year, which sparked enthusiasm, a wish to participate and a desire to create their own memories.

A friend of mine told me recently that she had been thinking and remembering her grandmother quite a bit. Her grandmother was a wonderful woman - somewhat of an institution in the town she lived, a very strong, religious, moral, loving and kind woman. In the summer, she always had tomatoes on the windowsill in her big country kitchen. Maybe it is the time of the year for my friend that is evoking these memories. She seemed somewhat bittersweet in her memory recall of her grandmother. I could almost see what was written on her mind - "I wish she were still here." But you know, my friend’s memories of her grandmother don’t paralyze her, they help her…because even though her grandmother is not here physically, she is very present in my friend’s mind and what an awesome mentor her grandmother is, even now. The memories of her grandmother have become a model for her life.

The church at Philippi really didn’t have any problems to speak of. Paul’s admonition and warning to them was to keep looking forward, and not to "rest on their laurels" so to speak! In some ways, I think Paul was saying, none of us have arrived yet…and if we think we have, then we need to examine ourselves.

Bringing this message closer to home, many churches are standing on the brink of many decisions. They talk about contemporary services, discuss capital improvements and what to do with aging buildings, they have in place social programs to reach in and reach out to people who come to the church. There are many good things that are happening and there are many challenging decisions that churches will always face. To what extent will memories factor in their decision making? Will memories of the past be so strong that they paralyze church leaders from moving forward? Or we will they take to heart Paul’s prophetic words of wisdom and see that we are not all we should be? Will they be able to see that in order to become all that it can be, the church needs to take care to not look behind, but look forward to what lies ahead and the endless possibilities for growth, discipleship, and ministry?

In our spiritual life, our personal life, and in our careers, we all need to take a long look at what price memories play in our decisions. Do we pay a high price for memories? I would hope our memories enhance the present, which allows us to dream and look to the future and press towards the goal, which is in Jesus Christ.

By Deborah Lambeth