The Feeling of "Cute"
It's something so new to me ... & it's literally felt ... I know, in a few months, it'd be keeping me awake all night, noisy & wet, & in 3 yrs, it'd be a very individual, independent package of trouble ... but today, it's sheer joy!
My baby is moving! Since 18th week.
I know this is cliche'.
The world raves insane over the wonderful feeling of carrying a baby. But now, for me, this is first-hand!
It's quite inexplicable, yet I'm trying to describe it, because, it is so unique, I think I won't correctly remember it myself, when it's over...
Firstly, there is this concept of the baby. Earlier, I didn't imagine it. I just read in the websites "It's the size of a walnut" "It's the size of your fist", & did what my Doc told me to do.
But when U feel it moving, inside... well, even unknown to myself, I vaguely visualize a baby...
That's the visualization of "cute"!!
I never gave it a thought earlier, what "cute" looks like, but now it seems it must look like how this touch feels...
First wonder is how the baby is a separate entity... I feel when it moves... & yet, it feels what it feels, I do not feel what it feels... It's inside me, but not a part of me, he/she is his/her own person! Must be feeling something...
Second is the idea of the baby sans gender... here in India, it's illegal to determine unborn baby's gender, so I do not know... When I think of playing with a newborn, I sometimes imagine a girl, other times a boy... I visualize, but don't want to form a full picture... I invariably imagine shut eyes & a tiny mouth... I leave out z details which make a fetus less cute, for example, it's huge head in proportion to the rest of the body...
Third is the movements itself! People ask "Is your baby kicking" I find it hilarious that a baby inside should kick... kicking is such a purposeful activity... I can only imagine it stretching... it's fisted little hand brushing against the inside of my sac... its one little foot brushing against the other knee... sleeping baby...
Finally it's the silence... silent baby... speaks to me only through touch... naturally I imagine a sleeping/ dreaming baby, peace of a being that's not seen anything in the world, comforting or disturbing... one who has the whole - literally THE WHOLE life ahead him/her... It feels as if such calmness is a fulfilled state in itself... just as a person should be, recently read on Facebook, "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human journey"
It fills me with awe... I can't describe, I can't analyze what I admire... but surely, it's just beautiful!
I know this is cliche'.
The world raves insane over the wonderful feeling of carrying a baby. But now, for me, this is first-hand!
It's quite inexplicable, yet I'm trying to describe it, because, it is so unique, I think I won't correctly remember it myself, when it's over...
Firstly, there is this concept of the baby. Earlier, I didn't imagine it. I just read in the websites "It's the size of a walnut" "It's the size of your fist", & did what my Doc told me to do.
But when U feel it moving, inside... well, even unknown to myself, I vaguely visualize a baby...
That's the visualization of "cute"!!
I never gave it a thought earlier, what "cute" looks like, but now it seems it must look like how this touch feels...
First wonder is how the baby is a separate entity... I feel when it moves... & yet, it feels what it feels, I do not feel what it feels... It's inside me, but not a part of me, he/she is his/her own person! Must be feeling something...
Second is the idea of the baby sans gender... here in India, it's illegal to determine unborn baby's gender, so I do not know... When I think of playing with a newborn, I sometimes imagine a girl, other times a boy... I visualize, but don't want to form a full picture... I invariably imagine shut eyes & a tiny mouth... I leave out z details which make a fetus less cute, for example, it's huge head in proportion to the rest of the body...
Third is the movements itself! People ask "Is your baby kicking" I find it hilarious that a baby inside should kick... kicking is such a purposeful activity... I can only imagine it stretching... it's fisted little hand brushing against the inside of my sac... its one little foot brushing against the other knee... sleeping baby...
Finally it's the silence... silent baby... speaks to me only through touch... naturally I imagine a sleeping/ dreaming baby, peace of a being that's not seen anything in the world, comforting or disturbing... one who has the whole - literally THE WHOLE life ahead him/her... It feels as if such calmness is a fulfilled state in itself... just as a person should be, recently read on Facebook, "We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human journey"
It fills me with awe... I can't describe, I can't analyze what I admire... but surely, it's just beautiful!
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