The Dominators - Not Fun to Have Them Around Night and Day

"There is one way to do this: My way!"

That’s what primarily characterizes person who is a dominator. Whether they are right or wrong is not essential, what’s most important for them is to have the power. They know where they are going and they expect (or should I say demand) you to follow their lead. Just for powers sake they are willing to work very hard and you will always find them on the offensive assuming that this is the only way to be "on top" of a situation; and they consider that by acting that way, they protect themselves from other approaches that might threat their position and cause them to fail. When dominators enter the room and join the meeting, they try to take control.

They have a need to control the others or to do the job themselves - as it is only them qualified to do it best in their minds that is therefore, to achieve their control goal they bring into play different strategies, according to their intelligence level.

Most of them are very intelligent and realize that it is not working with a raised tone of voice and a pointed fist, so they will cover their power hunger camouflaging it with different "packaging".

Here are several disguising methods they'll use:

1. The favorite way of "stinging" is represented by sarcasm: "Right, and you did not remember to bring the black ink, what were we supposed to do here, print it all pink? Too bad you didn't forget your head as well!" By explaining the situation in more detail, all you do is to get deeper into the mud, which means getting him/her even more aggravated, while your blood pressure reaches "big time" levels and your stomach doesn’t exactly feel butterflies inside maybe some other butterfly species that irritate you to the max. No one enjoys to be called a liar especially when that is not the case. Subsequently, the more you explain, the more his/her sarcasm and lack of trust develop reaching new proportions. The most used sarcasm means are the tone of voice and the body language.

2. Another weapon of the controller is the hypothetical understanding, closely followed by critiques threat:" My dear, think about it! You will see that I am right, and its better that you agree with me; any intelligent adult must see things from this perspective!" And you end up trapped!

3. Another control form is to force into making a decision at once: "Dear, tell me when will you paint the hallway? I want to know now, not tomorrow but right now! " You feet the pressure rising and if you give in her/his request, you will be upset with her but also you'll be mad at you because you let yourself led into the trap.

4. Another cunning method used by a person who likes to control is to pretend that she speaks about herself, when in fact, it is obvious that she speaks about you: "I should have known it was a mistake to ask that from you; it is my mistake and now we suffer the consequences"

5. Sometimes the critiques of the controller are so "professionally addressed" that it makes it difficult to directly confront them, they are mostly expressed trough questions where the tone of voice is "surprised", for instance if your partner is a dominator you might hear: "Oh, you are not going to wear that at the party, are you?" In other words, the message is that the controller does not like that outfit and you should know it.

6. Other disguised "advices" of a dominator might sound like: "I don’t want to tell you how to run your life but" or "I don’t want to judge you but" In reality, they do want to run your life, you know it and they know it, but you just don’t know what to do in such a situation.

7. Words like "you always" or "you never" are very common for a dominator. They do not give you the benefit of the doubt and they blame you for their own failure regardless if that is true or not: "It is because of you that I" These affirmations produce guilt feelings and shame. The more you defense yourself the more the dominator turns a blind eye on reality.

Well, it seems that life with a dominator is not exactly fun and if you consider marrying one, make sure he/she gives up the false reasons for their security: fear of losing control, of being hurt or rejected. If they do that, they can mature so the situation is not hopeless, however make sure this process starts before the wedding day!