The Dominator

Searching for work has been interrupting my leisure time, but it pacifies my wife if she believes that I'm diligently seeking employment. A content woman will do pleasing things.

Yesterday, I went for a job interview at a psychiatrist's office in Tucson. There was no intention on my part to get hired, but I'm always available for free entertainment.

Job hunting can be a real pain in the ass. I can't drink on the day of my interview, and my usual attire of T-shirt and shorts has to be upgraded. Looking for another job was the farthest thing from my mind when I quit the last one. I had planned on spending the summer drinking heavily, and dancing naked with my wife. Remaining stress free can extend your life. Keeping my alcohol consumption at a high level was my number one priority, and so far I have achieved my goal of passing through life in a stupor.

My wife has not reached the expected level of enthusiasm about the planned summer activities. Mary has expressed her opinion in no uncertain terms, but I'm not convinced that finding a job is the answer. My wife is a wonderful motivational speaker, but she lacks a volume control.

Two hours before the interview, I drove to the bank and withdrew five-hundred dollars from our savings account. I understand our need for income, but working to achieve it seems abnormal to me.

My next stop was the supermarket where I purchased fifty scratch off lottery tickets at ten dollars each. Five-hundred dollars doesn't go far these days. Sitting in the car, I furiously scratched the tickets clean with my key. The result of this massive effort on my part was a ten dollar winning ticket. It was better than the stock market is doing, but it still didn't seem like a good return on my investment.

I was still trying to brush all the ticket shavings out of my lap when I arrived at the doctor's office for my interview. Some silver flakes were stuck in the hairs of my left arm, and they glittered in the sunlight. These types of accouterments often appear gaudy at a first interview. I meticulously picked them off one by one, and tossed them out the window.

Directly across the street is a dingy bar with a banner advertising five dollar lap dances, but I was not tempted or distracted from my mission. I have heard about Carmelita's herpes.

When I stepped out of the car, the summer heat enveloped me in an inferno. They say it's a dry heat, but when it gets to 110 degrees it's just plain fucking hot. If you have never been to Arizona in the summer let me help you understand what it feels like. First preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Next open the door and place a small powerful fan directly in front of the oven blowing outward. Take off all your clothes while standing in front of the fan, and rub your exposed skin with sandpaper. Welcome to Arizona.

The interior of the doctor's office was cosy, and I could smell coffee brewing somewhere. There was a glass enclosed receptionist area, and a short hallway leading into the back part of the office.

Two brown leather sofas were pressed against the wall of the tiny waiting area. The walls were a light shade of pink, and the color scheme made me feel nauseous. Psychotic patients must feel right at home.

A young curly-haired receptionist slid open the glass partition. "Can I help you?" she asked.

" My name is Alan, and I'm here for an interview with Dr. Grable," I replied.

"Have a seat, and I'll let the doctor know you are here."

At this point, I was wondering why she would need to inform the doctor of my presence if I had an appointment. These are the little details that make me question the meaning of life, but I took a seat on the nearest couch and waited for the next event to take place.

An elegant middle aged woman with long brown hair appeared from the hallway, and glanced in my direction. Even though she was wearing a nurses uniform it was easy for me to see that she possessed a sexy athletic body. The white skirt accentuated her tanned legs.

"Are you Alan?" she asked. Her wide smile caused dimples to appear at the corners of her attractive mouth.

"That's me," I replied, while crossing the room to meet this vision of beauty. Her grip was firm, but soft and her honey brown eyes sparkled.

"I'm Terri Shaefer, the RN office manager," she explained. " I'll be sitting in on your interview with Dr. Grable. Please follow me."

My father always said I would never be a leader, but I sure can follow and the view from the rear was enchanting. After each step, I scraped my fingernails against the wall in order to get Terri to look over her shoulder at me. At the end of the hall there was an open door on the left. Terri stepped aside, and waved me into the room.

"This is Alan Rogers, and he's here to interview for the clerk position," she stated.

As I passed Terri to enter the room, I imagined how it would feel to have her licking my third nipple.

There was a severe looking woman seated in a cushy black leather chair behind a large oak desk. The woman's once dark hair was heavily streaked with grey, and pulled back tightly against her skull. The sun shines in Tucson almost every day, but there are still pallid people in this town. The lady looked like she had been rudely pulled from a grave.

"Have a seat Mr. Rogers," the woman said, nodding toward one of the two chairs in front of her desk. "I'm Dr. Grable, and I was quite impressed with your resume."

"Thank you," I replied. Most people aren't impressed before they see my feet, but it seemed like we were off to a good start.

My friend Terri sat in the chair to my left, and she held a small writing pad in her lap. I admired her long shapely legs while wiping the drool from the corner of my mouth.

"If we hire you, Terri will be your direct supervisor so I'm having her sit in on this interview if you don't mind," Dr. Grable continued.

"I don't mind at all," I said. What was I supposed to say? This was my golden opportunity to be interviewed by two women. One of them an absolute beauty, and the other straight out of a 1940 vampire movie. Who could ask for more.

"Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself," Dr. Grable suggested.

Her narrow body was unveiled when she leaned back in the chair. The woman had no curves, no bumps, nothing. She looked like Olive Oyl in dark blue suit.

"I have twenty-two years experience in the medical field, and have always been considered dependable and efficient at my previous places of employment," I stated. "I would be an asset to your office, and I still have most of my teeth."

My last comment got a smile from Terri, but the good doctor's mouth tightened into a thin line. It's easy to get under a psychiatrist's skin. My answers were not designed to get me the job, but were for entertainment purposes only. I wondered how long the interview would last.

"That's quite interesting," Dr. Grable said. "Tell me why I should hire you."

" I interact well with psychiatric patients," I said. "I am never late for work, and can answer the phone with one hand."

"How do you define success?" she asked, after ignoring my previous response.

"By remaining free in spite of the possibilities," I answered.

Terri's smile had widened, and she was scribbling something on the writing pad. There's no stopping me when I have a captive audience. I allowed my knee to brush against her thigh as I waited for the next stupid question.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?" Dr. Grable asked sternly.

"Sitting in your office," I said.

This answer seemed to puzzle her for a moment, and the fingers of her right hand were twitching as she picked at the third button on her suit. Her beady dark eyes failed to hold my steady gaze.

If you are reading this article, and are unemployed please remember my next point. It's essential for a future employee to dominate all aspects of an interview.

"What do you consider your greatest weakness?" Dr. Grable asked, while attempting to regain her composure.

"My eyes water when it's windy," I replied.

I was surprised that the interview hadn't ended by this time, but I knew it wouldn't be long. I was concentrating on how to get past level seven on Grand Theft Auto when I got home.

"What would you say is your greatest strength?" she asked, while averting her eyes downward to the desk.

"Managing to hold my penis with one hand," I answered gleefully. Terri seemed to be having some type of convulsion, and my grin was spreading from ear to ear.

That answer was the deal breaker. Bright crimson color had invaded Dr. Grable's pale face, and I felt like Dr. Frankenstein after the monster came to life. She told me the interview was concluded, and had Terri escort me to the door.

I haven't received a call about the job, but before I walked out the door Terri handed me her phone number.

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