The Darkest Nights of My World - Chapter 9

"So you took me to the beach, huh?"

I sighed, closing my eyes. I breathed in the salty air. "Ray used to love coming here," I said softly. I opened my eyes, avoiding his gaze, looking towards the beautiful, blue sea. I had taken him to the beach after all. Yesterday at the video store, he made me realize how selfish I was being with Ray’s death. I wasn’t the only best friend he had. I wasn’t the only one he spend his time with. Luke’s face appeared in my mind. In the back of my head, I knew I had to talk to him. I never asked him how he felt.

And my parents, my poor parents. I figured out why they wanted to leave our town. The hurt surrounding it was so overwhelming and suffocating, they probably couldn’t look anywhere without reminding themselves of the son they had lost. I realized they were trying to start somewhere fresh without people giving them weird looks.

Well that certainly backfired, I thought dryly as I looked at Derek. He smiled tentatively at me. "I hated Venice Beach," I started. "I hated the smell, the people… I just felt like it was a dirty city, you know?" I cringed, realizing how offensive and stuck-up I sounded.

But he nodded. "Yeah most people get that first impression."

I laughed, surprising him and even me. "Yeah but despite my opinion, Ray tried every possible way to get me to love this beach as he did."

It was quiet for a moment. "Did you come here after he died?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Tears blurred my vision. I nodded but saw that he didn’t see me. He looked away as I my hoarse voice said, "Yeah I did." I wiped away the tears as I stared down the shore. Looking as families and friends hung together, making beautiful memories while I sat and wallowed in my guilt. "You said to me once that I blamed myself for his death, why did you think that?"

He looked at me warily, thinking I must be mad but after a moment of no outburst from my end, he shrugged and leaned back on his arms, his legs sprawled in the sand in front of him. "My dad told me that you sneaked out to a party and he went to pick you up…" He left the sentence hanging, both of us fully aware what happened after that.

"My brother loves to play the knight in shining armor. He was so overprotective of me that I couldn’t think of anyone else to call. My friend had told me that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I went over there to see for myself and it was true. I was so heartbroken that I just wanted to leave.

"At first, I was going to call Luke - I didn’t want a lecture from Ray. But at the end, I decided that I needed his comfort. I needed him." I lost myself in the story. I began to see Ray’s disappointed face. I broke down the walls to the horrible memory, reliving it once more. The torturing dreams were only a glimpse to the awful nightmare. Before I knew it, I was crying. I hugged myself as I continued the story. "When he got there, he was so upset that he didn’t even speak to me. He ignored me the whole time. He didn’t even have the Mustang with him, he had my mom’s car. that’s when I knew he was mad. The yelling didn’t start until we began to take a road through the woods - a shortcut back home. I yelled back. I guess I was mad that he didn’t even ask why I was there or why I was trying hard not to cry."

"Is that when it happened?" He suddenly asked. I jumped, slightly startled. Derek brought me back to reality and for a second I forgot where I was.

I frowned. I shifted, digging me feet into the sand. "Yeah. We argued for about five minutes when I told him I didn’t need him anymore. That was the last thing he heard me say to him. Then I saw the deer, and I screamed. And the car flipped over." Miles away, I felt Derek lay a hand on my arm but I was to engrossed in the story to shake him off. "I woke up, my body half out of the car. My arm hurt and it was so painful to breathe. I tried looking for Ray to see if he was alright. But he wasn’t in his seat," I whispered. "He was in the middle of the road, a few yards in front of the car. It took me forever to get to him but I finally did… There was so much blood. And I couldn’t stop screaming," I said, my voice breaking.

I sobbed as I covered my face with my hands. Derek put an arm around me. I automatically leaned into his shoulder, letting him comfort me. He whispered things to me as I let it out but I couldn’t hear any of it. I was still lost in the memory of my brother’s body lying in the lonesome road, covered in blood. It was forever until I got a hold of myself. I pushed myself off of Derek, murmuring a "Sorry" for his tear-stained shirt. I wiped away the tears.

"I couldn’t let go of his body. Pretty soon I found out he was still breathing." My voice came out thick. "I told him to hold on, that help was coming soon but he couldn’t seem to hear me. He wouldn’t have believed me anyway. His arm was twisted in an odd angle and his forehead had a huge gash. But the biggest wound I saw was the piece of glass I saw on his side. It was in him deep. I thought if I pulled it out - I don’t know why I did it actually. Maybe cause I thought it would help him… but it didn’t. His eyes were open when I pulled it out and then they closed and he stopped breathing."

I almost broke down again and I think Derek sensed it too because he tried grabbing me again. I pushed him away though. I needed to finish the story. "I think I screamed again. I don’t know. That part is always hazy. A couple found us, a few hours later. They tried pulling me away from him but I couldn’t let go. They thought I was dead too but I was just numb," I said, hoarsely. "When the medics came, they had to sedate me because I was crying again. Hysterically."

I rubbed my arms absent-mindedly. I gazed into the sun setting. I was almost done anyway. "When I woke up, I almost forgot what happened. But then my mom cried when I asked her if Ray went out. And then I remembered and I saw the look on my mom’s face as she tried explaining it to me. And there it was. Her pain, her worry, and her anger. She blamed me for his death and it didn’t take long to realize that she was right. It was my fault."

"Ramona," Derek murmured.

I looked at him.

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I sighed as I pulled into her driveway. I tried to wake her but she was too deep in her sleep. I smiled sadly at her. She has so much pain and to have gone through that much…

I don’t think I would’ve been as strong as her, I thought.

And she was strong. If that happened to me, I would’ve cracked. I wouldn’t have been able to recover from something like that. It was a wonder how she managed to keep all that pain inside.

I unbuckled her seat belt and grabbed her under her knees and on her back, cradling her. She gave a small sigh and leaned her head against my chest. She fit so perfectly. My heart jumped anxiously at the thought.

I locked the car. Slowly but I managed. I awkwardly rang the doorbell to her house and waited patiently. Luke opened the door, looking like hell. He had dark circles under his eyes and he had stubble on his chins that made it seem that he hadn’t shaved in days. His nose was pink, his hair was messy, and he had a blanket wrapped around him. He took one look at me and Ramona, and without a word, stepped back, opening the door wide enough to let me in.

He led me to her room. I laid her down gently on her bed, pulling the covers up after I took off her shoes. She looked so peaceful that I couldn’t help but kiss her forehead.

Luke cleared his throat, indicating that he saw. I had forgotten he was still in the room. But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at the picture on Ramona’s bedside table, next to a vase full of daisies.

The picture was of a guy who looked like he was around my age. He had jeans and a white button, short sleeve t-shirt on. His pants were rolled up as far it went, but it didn’t look like it did him much good for they were soaked up his knees as he was submerged in the water. He sat on some type of boardwalk as his brown eyes stared warmly into the camera, making it look like he was looking directly into your own eyes. His brown hair was pushed back and he had a hint of smile on his face. As if he was about to laugh at something or someone.

"Is this him?" I quietly asked. Luke looked at me. His face a mixture of amusement and awe. Or was it surprise?

"She told you," was all he said in his gruff voice.

"I should go," I said after an eternity of silence.

Luke nodded then spoke. "You wanna go play some ball?"

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As always, comments are welcomed. Next chapter will be up next week. I'm currently looking for theme songs that describe the characters. If you have any idea please comment or email me. My email address is on my profile. Please comment! And if you would like to hear from where this story originated from, please don't hesitate to ask.