The Dark or The Light? (Chapter 10) FINAL CHAPTER

Chapter 10

I was running faster than I had ever run before. It felt like at any moment I would be flying which made me push even harder. I didn’t know where I was running to but I didn’t care. I was going wherever my legs would take me. I need to feel something. I need to feel something other than this numbness that consumes me. Suddenly I felt droplets of waterfall onto my skin. I slowed down and looked up. It was starting to ran. Harder and harder the water would fall and hit my skin. I stopped and faced towards the sky. I let the water caress my face, washing away any emptiness that I felt, but it didn’t work. It was still there and I could still feel it. I looked forward and continued to run. With in minutes I came to the waterfall. I was beginning to feel cold but I didn’t care. I began to pace back and forth. I couldn’t stop crying. I was crying so hard that my body was shaking.
"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME LUCUS!" I yelled. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME! WHY COULDN’T YOU HAVE JUST TOLD ME?" I feel to my knees. "I would have listened. I would have listened to you." I hugged myself tighter.

"Isabell!" I heard someone calling from the distance. NO! WHY COULDN’T THEY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
"Isabell!" Someone else called. I knew it was Jeremiah and Mark. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I got up and ran to the rocks. I began to climb up until I reached the top. I looked out and saw everything was a blur because of the ran.
"Isabell!" I heard Mark yell. They came into view. I couldn’t look at him. He deserved so much better.
"Isabell! Get down from there!" I heard Jeremiah yell.
"Whats the point Jeremiah?! I’m just going to screw everything up anyway so tell me what’s the point!?"
"Isabell that’s not true and you know it!" They both started to climb the rocks.
"Stop trying Jeremiah! I’m a lost cause!" They were both standing near the edge of the rock. I turned to face him.
"No you are not Isabell! If I have to spend every day with you for the next four years I will do it! If that’s what it takes!"
"Why did you even take my ‘case’ Jeremiah? Why?"
"Because I know what its like to loose someone you love to suicide. I understand the pain you are going through Isabell. When your grandparents first asked me I took it because I thought I could help but the closer I got to you the more fragile I saw that you were but then you just suddenly got stronger and it showed me that everyone can overcome this if they tried."
"No, you were right before. I am fragile. I am nothing. I feel nothing and I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to feel this way."
"And you think suicide is the answer?!" He basically screamed at me.
"It was for Lucus!" I screamed back.
"No. No! no! NO!" I heard Mark yell. I looked at him and began to walk towards me. "You will never think that ever do you understand me Isabell." He was getting closer and I backed up. He was beginning to scare me.

"Why?"
"Because I love you. Don’t you see that Isabell? I don’t care if you don’t love me or if you can’t kiss me. That is okay but you will never take yourself away from me like that. I promised you that I would never leave you now you have to do the same for me." I felt new tears stream down my face. "I know your hurting Izzy and I will be here for you but I will not let you leave. You’re my life now so please I’m begging you do not take that away from me. Please Izzy. Please?"
I knew at that moment that I could never do what I was thinking of doing. Mark meant so much to me. Of all the time I was thinking about how much it hurt I never thought about him and how much pain he takes away from me. I needed him and hurting him was something that I never dreamed of doing. I took a step forward and pulled his lips to mine. He was surprised at first and then he put his arms around me and pulled me tighter against him. I felt tears fall down my face. They weren’t sad but they weren’t happy. They were tears of relief. That I had found someone who truly cared for me. I pulled back and looked in his eyes.
"I’m so sorry."
"Promise me, promise me you won’t leave."
"I swear."
I looked up to see the sun was coming out of the clouds and the rain had stopped. I looked at both of them.
"Jump with me."
"What?" They both asked in unison.
"I want to feel what I felt like last time. Jump with me." I pulled out of Mark’s hold and unzipped the back of my dress. I was wearing a bra and underwear for the record. They both looked at me for a minute then they started to undress.
There we stood all three of us in our underwear wanting to experience the feeling of being free. I still feel the pain from my cut that Lucus gave me. I know that it will be there for as long as I live but I think that as long as I have Jeremiah, Mark, my mother and even my grandparents I will be able to close it.

"You guys ready?" I asked.
"Read as I’ll ever be." They both said in unison.
"Just so you know that is really creepy." I said. We all started to laugh. I grabbed both of there hands.
"3…2…1…JUMP!" Jeremiah yelled.
We all jumped. It was amazing the feeling I got. This time I didn’t have to jump alone which made it even better. It gave me hope and I liked it. We all collided with the water and went deep underneath. Due to the fact that it had just been raining the water was like ice but we still lingered there. Listening to the quiet of the water. Hmmm peaceful. Slowly we came up for air.
"Don’t you just love that feeling?" Jeremiah asked to know one in particular.
"More than anything."
He leaned back and just started to float. I turned to Mark who was looking at me.
"What?" I asked blushing.
"Come here." He whispered and pulled me into him. The warmth of his body felt so nice against me. I pulled him even closer. I started to take deep breaths. Tell the truth Isabell. Just tell the truth.
"I love you." I whispered. He quickly pulled back. He had shock written all over his face. Then he gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen. I smiled back.
"I love you too. So much Isabell. You have know idea." He put his forehead on mine and I slowly leaned in and kissed his lips, softly.
"I think I do."

After a while of just swimming we decided to go back. It was getting dark and we were freezing. It took a long time. We couldn’t really see anything and it didn’t help when Mark was scaring Jeremiah the whole time. Okay it was funny but still. We eventually got to the house. I was walking up the back steps and before I even got within a meter of the door my mother was on top of me. Hugging me so tightly I couldn’t breathe.
"Mom! Let go! I can’t breathe!" She pulled back.
"Where have you been? Do you know how worried I have been? Why are you all wet?"
"Mom, mom, mom. Take a deep breath and calm down. I fine okay." I gave her a smile.
"I’m so sorry sweetie. You scared me and I thought that I had lost you." Tears welled in her eyes and she pulled me into another hug. This time I held her tighter.
"I’m sorry mom. It won’t ever happen again I promise." After a few more tears she pulled back. "Mom how is grandma?"
"Lets just say that Mary McKay and her family aren’t exactly the most welcome family in this town anymore." Oh no, well I guess she deserved it.
"Oh that’s not what I meant though."
"No?"
"No I meant how is she doing? I mean after my little show I would probably desgrassed her right?"
"Of course not sweetie. Your grandmother was more concerned with you, she even kicked everyone out. Besides everyone is on your side anyway."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you made quite an impression kid."
"Mom?"
"Yeah baby?"
"I don’t want to go back."
"What do you mean?"
"Home. I don’t want to go back. I like it here mom. Being here with grandma and grandpa and Mark. I don’t want to leave."
"Well there is something I want to tell you."
"What?"
"I have found a place here to live."
"What?!" I basically screamed.
"Yeah. Well it is more a lot of land but your grandfather is going to help build a house of our own. They way we want it. I guess he isn’t ready to let go of us yet."
"OH MY GOD!" I hugged mom so tight. "Thank you for everything." I kissed her cheek then ran into Mark’s arms. " Did you hear? I’m going to be living here."
"I know I heard." He had the biggest smile on his face. I hugged him so tightly. Jeremiah once said that in order to choose the right path you have to know the truth. Well the truth is that I loved Lucus and losing him is the hardest thing in the world. I miss his touch and his laugh especially his stupid jokes and I well I will always miss him but that doesn’t mean I have to follow the same path. When I was standing on the edge of the cliff I saw to paths. One way was back down the steps and the other was to have faith that everything will be okay and jump. The dark or the light? That’s the question I asked myself. I guess you know which one I chose.

*******************
(four years later)

"I can’t believe we graduated." Mark whispered in my ear.
"I know. We made it." I whispered back.

We were sitting on the back steps of my grandparents’ house. I was sitting in Mark’s lap. I guess now is the time that I should tell you about us. After that whole blow up at the luncheon Mary was sent off to boarding school because she had lost all her friends here. I felt bad for her but then again she had no right to say what she said. My grandmother didn’t really care that I told someone to fuck off in front of the whole town. She was actually proud of me. We built our dream house that was three stories and could probably fit about one hundred people in it. Our house is actually pretty much an energy efficient house thanks to Jeremiah. Jeremiah and I are pretty close. He didn’t lie when he said he would spend every day with me to get me better because he literally did spend every day with me. My mom actually invested in Lillian’s boutique and is now a nation wide craze. Every body is wanting more and more of Lillian’s designs and they are actually getting ready for their first fashion show which will be in New York. We are all pretty excited about that. Mark on the other hand had just graduated from college with a business degree and is actually working for my grandfather now. As for me I decided to go to art school. I actually decided to sell my paintings and I saved all the money I made for a gallery, which I am looking forward to buying. Me and Mark are stronger now than ever. After I coped with the loss of Lucus and I got more intimate well lets just say it’s been hard to get up in the morning.

Which leads us to this moment. We have both just graduated and having a celebration with all our close friends inside, including Jess and Mitch. They tend to visit from time to time and are still together.

"Isabell there is something I have been meaning to ask you?" His voice went serious. I turned to look at his face.
"What is it." All of a sudden he stood up. I was so confused. He started to pace back and forth running a hand through his hair. "Mark your starting to scare me. What is it?" And its true I was scared. Suddenly he stopped and walked over to me. He slowly got down on one knee. I gasped.
"Isabell Olane, you are the best thing to ever happen to me. You’re the reason I want to get up in the morning. I want you to be by my side forever. Will you marry me?" He pulled out a black box and opened it. Inside was a plain gold band. This guy knew me well. I always said that I didn’t want a huge diamond ring that I wanted something simple. I felt tears run down my face. I got down on my knees.
"Yes! Yes! Of course I will marry you!" I pulled his lips to mine. It was passionate and deep. I wanted to stay that way forever. He pulled back with a huge smile on his face. He pulled the ring out of the box and slipped it on my finger. "I love you so so much Mark."
"I love you more Isabell. You have no idea." I smiled.
"I think I do."
Once again we engaged in a long and loving kiss.